Thursday, 16 December 2010
The magic of Christmas is hurrying to my mailbox to see all the Christmas cards. We can't wait to laugh at the the people dressed up as reindeer, to adore the new additions, and to praise God for the miracles of the year.
The magic of Christmas is in the beautiful wrapped packages and bright lights that make us all "feel" like young children again. It is about the yard full of lighted displays that get the oooohhhh and aaaahhhhh.
The magic of Christmas is in watching the same Christmas movies every season and laughing at the same "funny" parts. It is about crying at the Hallmark movies as they come to a story book conclusion.
The magic of Christmas is lingering under the mistletoe with the one you adore.
The magic of Christmas is celebrated with parties, caroling, homemade candy, and genuine human kindness.
The magic of Christmas brings laughter, smiles and 'Merry Christmas' by strangers.
The magic of Christmas is desiring to help others out who are less fortunate.
The magic of Christmas is sitting as a family and watching the snow fall with giddy anticipation of snow ball fights.
The magic of Christmas is something that cannot be sold or bought. The magic of Christmas began with a small baby boy born to a virgin in a manger. That sweet baby taught us how to love and created the magic of Christmas.
The magic of Christmas is love expressing itself through random acts of "human greatness."
No wonder the stores put Christmas decorations out early....we all love the magic of Christmas.
Wednesday, 15 December 2010
On a Thursday afternoon, my life came to a crazy spot. I realized that the life of my unborn baby was coming to an end. I would not get to hold my sweet baby, feed him, clothe him, show him off or snuggle with him in the early morning. My moment with him is gone. My heart cries, my arms yearn, my mind jumbled. Yet I know that my God is with me forever and ever. For He will never leave me nor forsake me. He will not forget me. Today I will seek out those things to praise my God. For he is the giver of all (Deuteronomy 32:39).....He gives life and He takes life.
The title of this post is Faithful. We choose to name our unborn babies. So, not knowing the gender of our sweet little one we decided to name him/her the characteristic that God has taught us through his life....God is Faithful--regardless.
Well, I have been a not so good blogger lately. Not really the lack of things to "chat" about, but the lack of my blog being a priority. So, with that being said...here is another random post!
- So far this season, we have fought croup, walking pneumonia and the stomach bug. Yes, I have my sanity. Yes, it stinks but the cuddles are out of this world.
- We bought a ping pong table for the kids with the help of some others for Christmas. We gave it to the boys early. Kaleb is pretty good and Joshua and Stephen have "killer" serves. I barely can bounce back the ball to them.
- Mary-Elizabeth has began to play by herself. She likes to play "cooking and serving."
- Micah's vocabulary has increased at amazing speeds. He pretty much says everything that comes to his mind...tactfulness is a lesson in his future.
- Mark received a job promotion. He now stays home a majority of the year. God's blessings to us!
- We are suppose to get a lot of snow tonight and tomorrow and we can't not WAIT! Come on snow. We have missed you greatly.
- ME doesn't like to sleep very well. I have begun to take back her sleeping habits and create the parent directed sleep. Praying she goes back to normal soon.
Well, that is my random thoughts. I am planning on doing a post on reality and another one that God has been placing on my heart. Until then, God bless you and Merry Christmas!
Thursday, 18 November 2010
Then today happened....I started spotting. A replay of loosing the twins came over me. After a confusing doctors visit we have found out that I am pregnant but we are uncertain where the baby is. Then the bleeding began to get heavier. Now we have 3 precious souls in heaven.
Some ask why we would share we were pregnant so early on just in case we loose the baby. My answer is simple and not complex. Mainly because we value life whether the baby meets us on the outside of my womb or the baby is but a breath. Life is precious and life is purposeful. It is just up to us to listen to our God teach us the purpose.
So, I guess I am going to put my listening ears on and ride out this storm in the arms of my Creator and the Lover of my soul.
Bottom line God is still good rather it is in the storm or sliding down the rainbow.
Sunday, 10 October 2010
Lately, we have had larger issues that have caused loud outcries in our household.
I need to make a side note... I want my children to be disappointed while at home. I know....I am mean like that. But, in reality I want to help my children learn how to deal with disappointments. I want them to have a bag of good coping skills and good Bible verses to get them through life. The Bible is very clear that we will have many troubles in this world.
Back to the outcry...
As I walked with Kaleb through his disappointment for not getting a part in a play that he wanted, I was reminded of my senior year in high school. I auditioned for speaking at my graduation ceremony. I was told that my speech was good and the delivery was good as well. But the time was shorter than he wanted. I was the alternate. I was crushed. In my eyes, I was better than the girl who received the honor of giving the graduation speech.
Now forward 17 years later. And I realized that very experience of disappointment was the beginning of learning that God has a plan for me and for those around me. Plans to prosper me and to give me a future. In lay terms, God has my back! I don't understand why I did not receive the privilege of speaking to my graduating class. Yet, I trusted God.
In hind sight, I can see that one of the best aspects of not getting to speak is I learned how to cheer others on. I remember my Uncle offering to go and flatten her tires. My response was a chuckle because I knew that God had ordained that night for her and not me. What growth I would have missed out on if I had allowed the root of anger or bitterness to take hold.
I say all this to say.... As I walk with my children down many roads of disappointments, I want to remember as I grieve with them for their "loss" that God has a perfect plan and all that is required is for us to trust God. Then I want to sit back and watch them flourish and pray against the weeds of anger, bitterness, and selfishness.
A few weeks ago, I went on a journey up the mountains. I learned a few things that has helped me in this valley. Once I made it up the mountain the view made me speechless. I know that once I climb up this spiritual mountain from this valley that the view will put everything into perspective. I also know from the view on the mountain that the valley is not that bad. It has places of ick, but it also has beauty.
So, as the real valley has beauty so does my spiritual valley. My goal is to seek out that beauty and ponder the Creator. My goal is to love the Lord regardless of what happens and to stick firmly to that which God has called me. Easier said than done I know. Sometimes in the valley we find our true friends. But even worse we see who we really are...sinners set free by a loving God.
In my recent valley, I have seen how strong I am. I have cried countless times...very hard for me. I have watched my children suffer--even harder. I have been anxious, angry, bitter, raging, and joyful. The best part is that I have been refined and made to be a better wife, mother, friend, sister and most certainly a better child of God. I have began to fall more in love with a God who adores me and calls me by name.
So, from my view....the valley is a beautiful creation...a bit painful at times, but definitely gorgeous.
As we drove to the mountains, through the woods and over the river, I had many random thoughts. So, here I go....
- 14 month olds do NOT like car seats. Everyone in both cars will back me up. A screaming child is no fun for no amount of time esspecially for hours upon hours.
- Even a driver can get sick to her stomach as she drives those curvy, drop off roads.
- 1 spilled drink during dinner out...not bad odds with 7 kids and one clumsy adult.
- A lake, some mud, a few dozen rocks and a plethora of worms are more fun than a park regardless of your age. (A side note...I did allow ME to play in the mud too.--I know absolutely shocking. I have proof though.)
- My children absolutely love hotel rooms.
- A freezing pool doesn't scare children who adore swimming.
- One small disagreement in a 37 hour period of time with 7 kids...the grace of God.
Bottom line after my journey to the mountains, my friend is right I live in Kansas.
Monday, 4 October 2010
So, now that I have stated all that I have yet to accomplish...let us see what I have accomplished in the last four months...(list style of course.)
- Drove from Florida to Texas all the way home with 5 children. No wrecks, no tickets and all 5 children arrived happy.
- Did a walk through on my new home.
- Closed on my new home.
- Moved into my new home and slept on the floor. Bought and moved 2 twin mattresses with box sets.
- Unpacked my new house.
- Get up with several small children throughout the night.
- Hung pictures on the wall.
- Homeschooled my 3 out of my 5 children for 2.5 months.
- Went through the entire process of braces with my 11 year old.
- Weaned my daughter.
- Worked out several anger issues.
- Read several books.
- Bathed many children.
- Sent numerous packages.
- Wiped countless tears.
- Changed endless beds.
- Said multiple prayers.
I truly stand in awe of any wife of a soldier who carries out deployments for years and years. I am eternally grateful for being able to have the strength to do that which God has called me to be-- Mark's wife and everything that encompasses.
Thursday, 30 September 2010
This year I wanted to do something a bit more fun. I wanted to see them as they are in Heaven.
A friend suggested that I dream about the boys growing up in Heaven and blog. It is a different experience for the twins because they have been made perfect in death through Christ.
Here we go...
So, while my children on earth sit through Sunday school to learn more about Jesus, the twins sit with Jesus and learn.
While my children pretend to ride wild exotic animals, the twins might actually ride a lion, a giraffe, or an alligator on those golden streets. Maybe they are taking a ride on a Great White Shark. They could be flying on the back of a Bald Eagle. Whatever they are doing, I can almost hear their squeals.
While my children cry when they scrape their knees or when a day has gone poor, my twins know complete freedom to be who they were created to be without the fear of pain.
While my children listen to a cd of earthly, angelic melodies in order to go to sleep. My twins hear the true angelic music all around them as they rest.
While my children are being raised by earthly parents who mess up daily, my twins have perfection.
While my heart aches at the thought of my loss, my spirit rejoices. My sweet Zechariah and Hezekiah are in a place I can barely describe without getting giddy with excitement.
So, to answer Stephen I said, "Yes, I bet they are going to have the time of their lives." Because we all know there is a "Martha" in Heaven planning the biggest 4th birthday bash ever.
Happy Birthday Boys!
Monday, 20 September 2010
My friend and her two children are saying good-bye to her soldier as I write. He is back to fighting a hard, cruel war for another 6 months.
My sister's principal is a fabulous man who loves God and has given his life to following God by loving on children. He is presently on life support in ICU. He was healthy then he wasn't.
My sister in law's family friend died of a brain aneurysm last night. She went to the bathroom during a baseball game and never came out.
I have a friend who is struggling to trust God and have another baby after a miscarriage.
So, today I am weak. My burdens are high. My God is sufficient.
Saturday, 18 September 2010
This is why my world is always spinning.....children say the sweetest and funniest things.
Micah said, "Come come come to my service. There is a BIG mess."
As I cleaned up ME's very big mess, she was saying, "ooooo" and smiling. How can I stay mad at her long?
Micah was talking to his Dad and said, "When I get biggest I am going to go home and get my swim suit on and then go to Sea World and give shamu lots of fishes."
Micah was waltzing back to the table during dinner and said, "Hey Mom, why does Dad get adult drinks and I don't?" I replied, "Because he is an adult and you aren't." Micah didn't miss a beat. He said, "No he isn't he is just DAD."
In playing Frisbee tonight, Micah said, "Momma you play very, very well." Then I threw the Frisbee over the fence and he said, "Momma you are really, really bad at this. Maybe Dad should just play with us."
ME just brought me my water bottle and said, "Momma Momma."
I gave ME a metal bowl and a wooden spoon. I was teaching her how to play drums with it. I know I am insane. Yet, the girl in her came out and she turned it around and started stirring a make believe mix of some sort....no drums for her!
Friday, 17 September 2010
I had one of those conversations last week. I couldn't explain my conviction on trusting God in a particular area.
*This may be a post that is way too much information for some of you. You may want to stop reading*
I was talking to a very sweet friend who had great intentions. She just made me really think.
Mark and I fell under conviction 5 years ago that God was asking us to trust him with our fertility. It was somewhat easy then. We had 3 children and wanted more...then we lost twins. We had to believe that God had a plan--a perfect plan. So, once again we made the conscious decision to trust Him even if it hurt.
Now fast forward and we have two more precious children. It is harder to "want" more children when already you are up all day chasing little ones, homeschooling bigger ones and trying to find solitude in the clutter of everyday life. Yet, the question come screaming at me. Do I trust God? Do I believe Him to know what is best? Why not use birth control? Why not use timing methods?
So, in my quest to work this thing out one more time (will probably go through this again) I am blogging my thoughts.
Question 1: Do I trust God? I would like to think that I do, but really it scares me. I am worried about my health, getting fat and the plain mechanics of running a full house with pregnancy and a newborn. Yet, faith is believing the unseen things of God. My verse for 2010 has been Prov. 3: 5-6. So, in order to live out that verse...I lean not on my own understanding. I believe God to be huge in all things including the size of my family.
Question 2: Do I believe him to know what is best? Psalms 139 says He knew me while I was in my Momma's womb. He knows my sitting down and getting up. He creates in me a clean heart. He is GOD. Really if I was honest with myself, pride is what brings this question to my mind. God's desire is for me to be humble and trust in Him.
Question 3: Why not birth control? If God is the creator of life can't He work outside of birth control? I totally believe God can work through all circumstances. So, why don't we use birth control? This could be a huge post on its own. So, suffice it to say that this is a moral decision that we have made. I know the level of defenses of certain birth controls. I probably should add that I am HUGELY pro-life. Life begins as soon as the sperm hits the egg. Therefore certain birth control methods go against my core beliefs. Plus, you add question 1 into the mix and it equals trust.
Question 4: Why not timing methods? Well, the Bible is very clear that the only time one should abstain from sex is during a time of prayer. Therefore, if you choose to abstain then it should be for prayer only. Tough to swallow I know. Conviction is throughout Scripture on how marriages should work. Thankfully, God hasn't given up on me yet.
Mark and I had a recent conversation on this topic. I was taken back by what he said. Side note-I wholly believe in submitting to my husband. I thought he was walking down the road of "I think we have had enough." We fully were recognizing the sacrifices and the hardships. Then he said something that made me fall in love with him all over again. He said, "It scares me to death to have another baby. Yet, it scares me to not have one too."
See, if you really trust God then ultimately it is not what our heart says. The Bible is very clear about our heart being wicked above all things. It is about actively trusting God and obeying God in all things. For Mark, the love of children is abundant. Yet, that isn't even his motivation. He absolutely loves God and to show God he loves Him, he obeys Him. So, in trusting God we are obeying His plan for us.
To sum up this very long post, I had the conviction part settled then God added the blessing of Scripture. Today, in my personal devotional time, God blessed me with Ps 128:1-2.
So, I say all this to say...yep I am still believing in God. Trusting in God. Obeying God. For His blessings are far worth the sacrifice.
Thursday, 16 September 2010
Yet, my God was faithful to me today and hope and joy were restored.
In was during my lamenting to God that He blessed me with some memories of rarely.
Rarely do I pick up the phone anymore to call my Mom. Yet, when I remember my conversations with my Mom joy and sometimes laughter comes.
Rarely do I see a yellow butterfly. Yet, when I do the joy is much greater.
Rarely do I smell smoke. Yet, when I do I am reminded of how precious life is.
Rarely do I meet her in my dreams anymore. Yet, I see her in my daughter.
Rarely do I hear her sing hymns or laugh. Yet, I hear her in my children.
Rarely is grief and reality fair. Yet, my God is righteous and sovereign in all things.
Monday, 6 September 2010
It if found in Psalms 90:12, " Teach us to number our days aright, that we may gain a heart of wisdom."
Sounds simple doesn't it. He is to teach us. Unfortunately for me, I have had to retake this class several times.
I am in the mist of trying to figure out what priorities I live out. Do I live what I say I believe? Do I work at it? Does my decisions take the shape of my priorities? Um...tough questions huh?
They are for me. Since Mark is gone, I have made for myself a buffet of excuses. I can pick and choose several. They are good and truthful excuses, but they are still excuses for not getting stuff done.
So, as I sit here and contemplate my priorities am I allowing God to number my day? To try and get a handle on my over achiever to do list, I am making a daily list of 3 priorities that I would like to achieve.
This may sound easy, but when you have Awanas and gymnastics in one day I only have a spot for one more thing. So, is it school? Or is it an errand that needs to be ran? In doing this exercise for a week, I have realized that I have put too much into a day.
No wonder I am begging God for rest. He has been screaming at me to number my day and He would give me a heart of wisdom.
Praying that you gain a heart of wisdom through allowing God to restructure your schedule.
Tuesday, 31 August 2010
As I finally dropped my head on my pillow to quickly go to sleep before another bout of sickness hit me, I prayed that God would be kind and let the kids sleep in. Well, an hour later ME, in true ME fashion, woke up. God was ever faithful and blessed me and she went back down without much of an issue. I quickly fell asleep again.
I was awoken again at 5 with sounds of a sick child in the bathroom. As I dashed to the kids bathroom, I was overtaken with thankfulness that he wasn't throwing up. My least favorite child's illness. So, as I helped him down and carried him to my bed, I agonized over how many children I would wake up hearing that they were sick.
As the sun rose, Micah woke up at 6. It wasn't long to find out the he and ME were also joining Stephen and me in the roll call of being sick.
I prayed this morning that God would show me who to call for help. Having a stomach bug pretty much decreases the chances of having help..but I held out hope.
Well, today hope didn't come like I thought. In fact, hope came in a weird way. My older two helped out greatly. My younger two took amazing naps. Now, I have to really iterate this point. ME doesn't sleep well. An hour is the longest she ever sleeps. Today she took 2 naps for almost 2 hours each. Micah took a 3.5 hour nap. I was able to rest and sleep peacefully.
So maybe, just maybe God allowed for the little ones to get sick so that I may have the rest I desperately needed. God is always providential even in illnesses. Would you not agree?
Wednesday, 25 August 2010
Tonight they taught me several new lessons....
1. Milk is the best liquid to blow bubbles.
2. Don't get in between a girl and her brownies.
3. A vacuum cleaner is Mom's best friend.
4. Throwing croissant circles is fun.
5. If you put all your food in your mouth and then spit it out, no one will touch it.
6. Clorox will probably not go out of business anytime soon.
Tonight we laughed hard, and we are going to get to clean even harder.....
Saturday, 21 August 2010
I am by nature a people person. I walk into a room full of friends and get giddy. No denying it I love people. I love talking and laughing. I enjoy the times I cry with others, pray with others, and learn with others. I basically adore my time with friends. However, my best friend that I truly enjoy walking, talking, laughing and crying alongside is 11,000 miles away. I miss my adoring husband. I miss our talks about our days. I miss our talks about God and how He is working in our lives. I miss praying with him. I miss living life with him by my side.
So, although I have a plethora of children surrounding me and loving on me, I still get lonely when the sun goes down.
So, I have options on being lonely. It can drive me to depression or it can drive me to sit at the feet of Jesus. Jesus said he would never leave me nor forsake me. He cares that I am alone. And most nights I know that He is all that I need. Regardless of whether Mark is at home or several thousand miles away, Jesus is all I need. Mark is the dessert...the extra...the icing on the cake. Hopefully, I treat him that way.
So, when the nights are lonely my choices are to sulk and go to bed miserable or to trust God and allow Him to occupy me. So, how do I allow God to occupy my time and my mind? Well, diving into His word gives me great peace when my heart is anxious. Chatting with a close friends help me to process my day and thoughts. Reading a good book helps me to see life through others' eyes. Crying helps me to feel and see the compassion of a Holy and Righteous God who adores me as his daughter.
So, when the night gets lonely, I cast my eyes on my Creator, the one who knows me better than I know myself, and I dance the night and loneliness away.
Friday, 20 August 2010
Until, God soften both of our hearts in different ways and then blew the doors wide open on this job opportunity. So, here I sit writing this blog in the comfy of my beautiful home that my husband and my God has blessed me with. While he sits in a war torn land protecting me and probably you from our enemy.
I believe that I am truly blessed beyond all measure to be married to a man who has a deep desire to follow God with all of his heart. I am blessed to serve a God who loves me and is using this particular path to grow me in some areas I lack obedience.
So, I say all this to say...I am a transparent person. I don't masquerade my feelings or hurts. Here is your warning. My blog is the real me....the real thoughts, tears, and laughter. I am not out to offend people, but out to share my heart and fears.
So, you may ask what is my first lesson in learning....how to deal with the loneliness of deployments. But, you will have to wait on that particular post. Because right now, I am a single Mom with a baby whose tummy won't stop hurting.
Off to cuddle....
Wednesday, 18 August 2010
My heart's desire is to praise God for this time in our life and for Mark's deployment. I want to see the good in this deployment. Unfortunately, I don't see it very well. Yet, it is during the greatest storms that the sacrifice of thanksgiving has the sweetest fragrance.
So, here it goes. The list is short, but it is a beginning.
1. I thank God that my schedule is more flexible.
2. I thank God I get lots of little hugs and kisses.
3. I thank God for the support of my church family.
4. I thank God for the sweet emails from the love of my life.
5. I thank God for great friends that walk along side of me during this battle.
6. I thank God for listening to me cry and laugh and loving me through all my emotions.
Be joyful always; pray continually; give thanks in all circumstances, for this is God's will for you in Christ Jesus. 1 Thessalonians 5: 16-18
Monday, 5 July 2010
The other day I took the boys into Cracker Barrel to eat dinner. A storm began to blow in and I didn’t have our luggage rack suitcases wrapped in their rainproof gear. So, I allowed the kids to go to the bathroom and look around and then we took off. Well, my sweet 5 year old didn’t like that answer and decided he would just sit in front of the door and not go with me. You can only imagine how I felt. He didn’t trust my judgement or the severity of the storm. He didn’t want to leave yet he wasn’t done doing “playing.” Basically, he wanted his very own way.
Hmmmm….it sounds like he might be taking after his mother. In reality, I don’t want to do what God is calling me to do….I want my own way. I want to have all the perks and none of the pain. Yet, it is the pain that I seem to grow the best.
So, this is my official way of trying to end my temper tantrum and share it with my few followers. I am gonna ask God to help me let go and start embracing what He has in store for me. I will try let the tears flow when they come and let the laughter rock the house when it comes.
I guess you can say I am all done sitting in front of the door of progress. I am ready to get up and trust God through those doors and into the thunderous storm that may or may not come my way.
Tuesday, 8 June 2010
- I bought my first tank top bikini bottom swim suit. It has been the best investment. I could give you several reasons. However, the main reason is I can now nurse and not "feel" like I have to totally undress. Oh, what freedom I have found. Sadly, it only took me 5 kids to invest in such swim suit.
- Mary-Elizabeth is swimming with water wings. She is so cute. I love to see her move around the pool with such ease. Not certain where she has gotten her love for swimming, but I will take it.
- Kaleb and Joshua has both began jumping in the pool doing flips. They have both braved up in the last few weeks of swimming.
- The more we swim the more freckles I get per my children. FYI, I wear 50 spf. Yep, I am too old to burn.
- We added to our extended Proctor clan this past week. Mark's cousin's wife had a baby girl Paige. Her pictures show that she has kept up the Proctor tradition and comes out of the womb beautifully perfect. I hope to see that sweet little one.
- Micah was terrified of the water. It didn't help that he almost drowned once and fell into the hot tub once. He is now swimming all over the pool with his swim vest and "wing floaties." It has opened up my enjoyability of the pool to have him enjoy our daily pool time.
- Stephen is quite a fish too. He can swim all over the pool without any swim helpers, but he almost drowned on my watch. So, in fear he wears his swim vest and plays games with his brothers.
- The humidity here in Florida is absolutely crazy. Little girl sweats regularly. Her curls are really cute though!
Alright I guess that is enough rambling for now...Enjoy!
Friday, 4 June 2010
Vacation to me is when one relaxes and lets go of all the normal jobs. My spa day was a perfect illustration of a vacation. I changed no diapers, disciplined no child, nor did I fix anyone a snack. It was a day that I relaxed and "worried" only about myself. Now, I couldn't do this for long periods of time because it isn't in my nature. In fact, when I saw cups left out I had to fight the urge to not "clean" up. Taking care of my family is my job and I actually enjoy it most days. Yet, the day at the spa provided a relaxed atmosphere which allowed me to rejuvenate before moving. It allowed me to vacate...vacation at its finest.
Now, that brings me to today. We are presently on a trip. We have traveled to Florida with Mark to be with him while he trains for his next position. This experience is a trip. I have to literally "work" at having fun for the kids. For example, yesterday the kids an I went to the beach. It was stinkin hot and the water was warm too. So, cooling down was not an option. It took me over an hour to get all our gear and lunches made to go out to the beach in a cost effective manner. Than it took another 30 min. searching for an umbrella for the beach, which we never found. So, then we went to the beach and ate our sandy lunches. Afterwards, I put sun screen on everyone and that took another 20 min. Then I proceeded to nurse the baby and then we could go out to the water area....oh wait nope I must change a diaper. So, after all that I tracked to the ocean with my hands full of babies, toys, and towels. I played in the water for 5 min. with my little ones and decided to capture this moment on film. So, back up to the car I ran-the sand was hot. As I went back down to the water front and captured my beautiful children on film, I received a phone call from Mark. He was done and needed to be picked up. He needed to run errands quickly to put out his own fires. So now we have spent all of 30 min. at the beach and in the water. Now, here comes the fun part. I had to hussle my children back up to the pavilion to rinse them off and get them into the van. It probably took another 20-30 min. So, yes this a trip..a place where Momma works hard to make sure her small children enjoy their surroundings.
Some may ask was it worth it....you bet it was! I saw smiles, heard giggles, and saw life reenter my children. Plus we saw jumping fish, schools of fish, and a large ship.
Who could have asked for a better "trip"?
Sunday, 23 May 2010
- I had my first spa day. It might have spoiled me.
- Mark is gone for several days. Movers come in 30 hours and I feel like I am two weeks behind.
- Mary-Elizabeth has a horrible cough tonight and I think I might loose a bit of sleep over it.
- Tomorrow I will make coffee for one and realize that this is my "new" life. It will make me look forward to making coffee for two.
- I made my to do list and realized that being focused is not my strong point this week.
- My hair was cut today and I like it.
- Kaleb was extra sweet tonight. He stayed up with me to help me clean up some areas of our home.
- I tried booking a hotel tonight for next week and realized that most of the hotels have no vacancies.
- Joshua doesn't like his dad away and asked for me to stay close to him. So sweet to have my 8 year old hold my hand.
- Stephen's smile can still melt my heart and get him out of trouble.
- Micah is still very passionate, but is completely crazy about loving on me and his sister. Sometimes love hurts.
- I took all 5 kids to the mall and we bought the rest of our summer clothes. I even made them go bathing suit shopping with me. Too much fun! We did have a successful day though. All kids did make it back home in once piece.
- Alright, I need to go to bed so that I may get up and take the kids to church.
Saturday, 17 April 2010
Wednesday, 24 March 2010
So, to be faithful to my walk that I talk about with my girls in my Bible study, I am going to write my Praises out.
1. I praise God for my adorable, committed, loving husband.
2. I praise God that my children adore me and love on me in their individual ways.
3. I praise God that He has never ever left me nor forsaken me even when I deserved absolutely nothing.
4. I praise God that I am not worrying about food, shelter, or illnesses (outside of normal childhood stuff).
5. I praise God that my heating bill was completely covered this month--previous deposit.
6. I praise God for giving me my heart's desire and allowing me the awesome privilege of teaching some wonderful ladies at my church.
7. I praise God that I have several good friends that hold me accountable.
8. I praise God that I have a loving relationship with my sister and brother.
9. I praise God that it snowed last night-beautiful.
10. I praise God that I have the breath to praise His Holy Name!
Monday, 22 March 2010
So, before some of you stop reading this post, it isn't about tithing it is about what happened after the service that I want to share.
A man came up to me. I have never seen him. He thanked me for giving my testimony and said that God had given him a word for me. At that very moment, my heart sunk. What the man didn't know was that my prayers all week was to hear from God through man. I wanted some encouragement in my present situation.
So, as I put my listening ears to hear the man, I realized that I was listening to hear what I wanted to hear. I wanted to hear something like this:
I am in one of those funks...where I see myself for who I am and wonder why anyone would want me to be their wife, mother, sister, friend, etc.
Unfortunately, I have sinned and my sins still haunt me....my character still haunts me.
I know I have come along way, but I see how much further I need to go. I see my laziness and my complacency. I see my fears and how I allow them to control me. I struggle with anger issues and controlling my tongue. Selfishness keeps me from ministering to those around me with a cheerful heart. That is just to name a few of my character flaws.
So, to hear that God loves me rocked me...
It reminded me that my relationship with the Creator of the Universe should be built on love and not my to do list. It reminded me that regardless of my failures He loves me. It encouraged me to keep pressing on. It helped me to believe that God has a great plan for my life. It has helped me to seize the day and rest in the Arms of the One who loves me.
Just for the record...I have it on good record that God loves you too....regardless...
Saturday, 20 March 2010
Friday, 19 March 2010
- I am really enjoying teaching my Bible study class. The ladies teach me far more than I give to them.
- Kaleb just got glasses. He looks super cute in them.
- I am seeing God work through all situations even the tough ones.
- Stephen is 5 years old...he can write his name and knows his letters and count to 20 on a good day.
- I finally organized my school room....it only took 5 months-YUCK!
- A schedule is my best friend and without it I am lost.
- Micah is doing an awesome job of trying to learn his letters. He can count to 10 and daily practices saying his ABC's!
- Joshua had teeth pulled and cut out this past month so he was grateful to join the 'I had surgery club.' He got new pjs and watched his movies all day long. He was a champ through the whole thing.
- A friend and I started a homeschool group at our church. I love the group of ladies that have attended and look forward at the progress of this group!
- Now two little friends have come to join us for the night, so I must go and get hot dogs ready to be grilled in the fire place!
It is to a man's honor to avoid strife.
Even a child is known by his actions, by whether his conduct is pure and right.
Make plans by seeking advice.
A man's steps are directed by the Lord. How then can anyone understand his own way?
Blessed are all who wait for Him-Isaiah 30:18
In repentance and rest is your Salvation, in quietness and trust is your strength. Isaiah 30:15
I cannot believe that my little girl is 7 months old. These past few months have flown by--absolutely flown. It was just yesterday that she would fall asleep in my arms and snuggle up on my chest. Now, she refuses to snuggle much. She is always on the go. She has learned to crawl correctly even though she is almost always in dresses. She can go from laying down to sitting up to standing up. She is on the verge of walking around things. In short, she is mobile. She loves the fireplace and little toys-both to her parent's dismay.
This month she learned what a tu-tu was and that she was pretty in it! She has also started to leave her bows in--her mother is very proud!
But, it goes deeper....
As I was processing my thoughts and feelings with my husband, he gently said he thought it was more.... More what else could be bothering me to the point of this pit in my stomach. In his gentle ways, he asked me if my heart was broken for a friend. It was at that moment I realized I was broken.
I am broken for a friend. She is saying good bye to her husband for an entire year. For an entire year, he will be across the ocean in a land where ducking isn't apart of a nerf war. It is a true bomb blowing war zone. A place where men and women are tested beyond their own strength. I feel for him. He leaves a family behind that will be a year older, a year wiser, a year taller.
And on top of that their marriage will have one of the biggest trials thrushed upon them. How do you keep love alive miles and miles apart? How do you communicate? How do you feel their love bank up?
My heart breaks--my soul cries out--my body shakes at the true sacrifice our military makes.
So, what can I do for my friend and her family? Obviously, pray for them fervently. Next, be available and listen closely to the unspoken words. I need to open my spirit up to God and allow Him to direct my paths and speak through my mouth.
So, does this make me feel better. Not a chance... I am reminded of a story in Scripture when Jesus wept. He wept because his friends were weeping over their dead brother. Jesus knew he was going to raise Lazarus from the dead, but his friends' emotion brought out his deep emotions. Our lives our intertwined as Christians. We feel other's pain and joy and through these feelings we accomplish success in being the friend God wants us to be.
So, through my tears, I will be reminded of what compassion can do. I will walk along side my friend and her family and I will weep when they weep and I will rejoice when they rejoice. I will be the friend that God has created me to be.
Tuesday, 9 March 2010
I am at a turning point or maybe it is a breaking point. Tonight we were off and running and then all of the sudden....BAM...a full fledge panic attack. I could breathe and work through it, but it was there.....
All of the sudden, I had incredibly horrifing thoughts....will Mark ever get a job? Rejections were bound to happen. And they have come...in all sorts of ways. And I know that those rejections are needed. It leads us to know where to go and where not to go, but they are ever so painful.
So, tonight my heart is heavy....I have fears. They aren't realistic, but yet they are very real.
Saturday, 6 March 2010
Reality is that our life is crazy and I am trying to assimilate it. I am trying to make sure that all my ducklings are satisfied. I still have lots to say. I am still journaling and I hope that I can post those journals on here as time goes by. In fact, I have a great desire to share with you my thoughts on the journey God has placed us in. We are smack dab in the middle of waiting for God...well I must stop or this might be two posts instead of one...more to come!
Sunday, 7 February 2010
Saturday, 6 February 2010
Thursday, 28 January 2010
Amy is not being discharged today. She is very nauseous. Please pray for her today.
Many thanks to all of you.
Wednesday, 27 January 2010
Amy is doing well too. She is going to be discharged tomorrow.
Wow, I love being apart of something bigger than myself.
Monday, 25 January 2010
Amy is doing well.
The family is asking that we pray about the extra fluid and her blood pressure. Blessings to all of you.
I have to schedule our days. We can't get it all done when I am floating through the day. Somehow, I must love on each child (the way they receive love), homeschool, cook, clean, do laundry and still find time to spend time with the man of my dreams. I haven't been very successful in completing my tasks lately.
So in my devotional time the other day, God slapped me upside the head with Scripture.
In 1 Corinthians 14:33, "For God is not a God of disorder but of peace." My house is in disorder. The laundry floats from tables to baskets to even the floor at times. My children are also in disorder. Their devotions are scattered and their Awana verses are not being practiced daily. I am also frazzled which normally leads to nothing productive.
So, in order to restore peace to my home, I must enforce the schedule. I don't think the kids will fight it as much as myself. Yet, it is a necessary part for my home to run smoothly.
Another verse that God laid on my heart that day is 1 Corinthians 14:40. "But everything should be done in a fitting and orderly way." Um, I think that screams we need a schedule in order for all of us to be productive.
So, beginning tomorrow I will take the first step to bring order to my home which will bring peace and prosperity to my family of 7.
Her children do rise and call her blessed.
Amy, Addy's liver donor, is doing well. She is out of ICU and has been on a few small walks. I have heard that it will take 3 months for Amy to finish recovering from the surgery.
Let us continue to pray for God's healing hands upon Addy and Amy. May we also pray for comfort during the ups and downs of the transplant roller coaster.
Friday, 22 January 2010
Thursday, 21 January 2010
Wednesday, 20 January 2010
If you are a facebook junkie you can join the group 'Pray for Addy.' You can get updates sooner. Thank you for being apart of something bigger than any of us...
Tuesday, 19 January 2010
The words are fabulous, but the song will speak to your soul.
Monday, 18 January 2010
Sunday, 17 January 2010
Thursday, 14 January 2010
From what I can read, Baby Addy should do okay if her body doesn't reject her new liver. The main drawback is that the complications in surgery is going to make the process longer.
Thank you for praying.