My Mom

Two years ago today, my Mom passed away from this world to a world of no more pain or suffering. I am grateful to God that He took her to a place of complete freedom. However, I must be honest I still miss her. This morning I was pondering this day two years ago.

I would like to share with you my side of that day. It is more or less a journaling experience for me. I never want to forget what I felt that day. My desire is to remember so that I may empathize with others in their grief. I want to be able to help others by sharing my own experience.

We knew Momma was sick. However, she normally called to tell us good-bye if she was struggling to breathe. We had no phone call. In fact, in my talk with Mom the night before she was emotional. She was ready for me to be back in Texas. She wanted me to come home. We said our last goodbyes and I never knew it.

The next day I was a bit anxious all day. I had no good reason for being anxious, but I was. I couldn't figure out what had me so out of whack. I tried calling Mom all day long, but no answer. This was not completely unusual if Mom was having a bad day. So, that night I called my sister to see if she had heard from Mom. It was during that conversation that my step-dad called.

His words to me were loud and clear. "Susan, she's gone." I could hear tears and utter helplessness. Immediately, I called my sister and told her to go to Mom's that she was dead. I didn't use any nice words. I didn't cover it up for my children. In fact, they found out that their Granny had died by me screaming to my sister. I was a mess. The next few hours are a bit of a blur. I know I cried and screamed and yelled out for my heart was breaking.

Mark was working that night. A friend brought him home. He walked through the door and I once again began to wail and fell into Mark's arms. His friend came in and played with the boys.

My Mom was gone. I wanted to be there when she left this world and into the next. I wanted to know how she died. I wanted answers.

They never came. I had to put my trust in God and believe that He was with Mom in her last moments here on earth.

Two years later the pain is less than it was. I don't cry out anymore. I don't scream. I just keep going and thank God for the small reminders of my Mom. He allows me to see her in my children and even in myself at times. I am grateful to have had her for 33 years of my life.

So, today two years later, I am reflecting on lessons my Mom taught me. So, here are a few of them that came to my mind today.

1. She taught me to be honest regardless of the consequences.

2. She taught and showed me unconditional love.

3. She showed me what hope looks like in the mist of complete chaos.

4. She taught me how to fight and do what is right regardless of the pressure around you.

5. She showed me how to work out my Salvation with fear and trembling.

6. She taught me the power of prayer.

7. She held her possessions loosely and her family tightly.

8. She showed me the blessing of forgiveness.

9. She taught me the blessing of giving all that you have to the God of all.

10. She taught me the purpose of Scripture.

Her children do rise and call her blessed.