Praising God in This Storm

Lately, I have my good days and then my really bad days. Today was a bad day. I just woke up and it was ick...

So, to be faithful to my walk that I talk about with my girls in my Bible study, I am going to write my Praises out.

1. I praise God for my adorable, committed, loving husband.
2. I praise God that my children adore me and love on me in their individual ways.
3. I praise God that He has never ever left me nor forsaken me even when I deserved absolutely nothing.
4. I praise God that I am not worrying about food, shelter, or illnesses (outside of normal childhood stuff).
5. I praise God that my heating bill was completely covered this month--previous deposit.
6. I praise God for giving me my heart's desire and allowing me the awesome privilege of teaching some wonderful ladies at my church.
7. I praise God that I have several good friends that hold me accountable.
8. I praise God that I have a loving relationship with my sister and brother.
9. I praise God that it snowed last night-beautiful.
10. I praise God that I have the breath to praise His Holy Name!

A Word

Last Sunday, Mark and I had the privilege of giving our testimony on tithing. We are blessed in this area and we have lots to say. However, Our main focus was on the obedience of tithing and interpretation of the Malachi 3:10 verse. We had an enjoyable time discussing the privilege of tithing with our church family.

So, before some of you stop reading this post, it isn't about tithing it is about what happened after the service that I want to share.

A man came up to me. I have never seen him. He thanked me for giving my testimony and said that God had given him a word for me. At that very moment, my heart sunk. What the man didn't know was that my prayers all week was to hear from God through man. I wanted some encouragement in my present situation.

So, as I put my listening ears to hear the man, I realized that I was listening to hear what I wanted to hear. I wanted to hear something like this:

"Susan, Mark will have a job by xx date

and you will live in xx

city and you will buy xx house

and you will live happily ever after."

It took awhile, but I realized that isn't what he was saying. He proceeded to explain to me that God had not forgotten the love we shared with the soldiers that were at our house during Christmas and Thanksgiving. He said that God really appreciated us ministering to His people. Then he told me something gut wrenching. He said that God loves me. Wow! I know that, but at that moment I really needed to hear that I was loveable.

I am in one of those funks...where I see myself for who I am and wonder why anyone would want me to be their wife, mother, sister, friend, etc.

Unfortunately, I have sinned and my sins still haunt me....my character still haunts me.

I know I have come along way, but I see how much further I need to go. I see my laziness and my complacency. I see my fears and how I allow them to control me. I struggle with anger issues and controlling my tongue. Selfishness keeps me from ministering to those around me with a cheerful heart. That is just to name a few of my character flaws.

So, to hear that God loves me rocked me...

It reminded me that my relationship with the Creator of the Universe should be built on love and not my to do list. It reminded me that regardless of my failures He loves me. It encouraged me to keep pressing on. It helped me to believe that God has a great plan for my life. It has helped me to seize the day and rest in the Arms of the One who loves me.

Just for the record...I have it on good record that God loves you too....regardless...

Stephen's 5th Birthday

Last week my sweet son turned 5 years old. I am baffled by how fast time flies. It was just yesterday that he would sleep on my chest and make sweet cooing sounds.

He melts my heart completely. He loves kisses and hugs. He is always giving his sister lots of love. He yearns for chocolate milk, but doesn't eat much of anything in particular. His favorite shows are Star Wars, Super Hero Squad, and Batman. He loves to play outside, but hates running around. He plays really well by himself, but he would prefer to play with his older brothers.

For his birthday, we had his first friend party. We celebrated his birth by having a Batman party. Mark worked real hard and created a Batcave. We were in awe of his creation and left it up for several days.

For his cake, we had a very creative lady make a 2-tier Batman cake. It was awesome and the hit of the party. Not only did it look good, but it tasted heavenly too.

He celebrated his birth with several friends and ran throughout the house and outside. Then we ended the night with his 'bestest' friend and eating pizza. His cup was full and he was sitting in paradise as the night came to an end.

For his actual birthday, we took him to eat breakfast. The ladies at the restaurant made a super cute hat for him and danced with him. He didn't like that part much. He did like his new outfit that was his favorite color-green. We ended the day by going home and letting him play with all of his new super cool toys.

My dear sweet Stephen, how I have loved you from the moment you were within my womb. You have deepen my love as you have grown in age and wisdom. I am amazed at how you figure stuff out and how you continue to learn at a high rate. Your adoration of your baby sister puts tears of joy in my eyes. Your passion for playing and for your friends is outstanding. Your desire to know God and worship Him is staggering. You my precious son have been and will always be my Joy. Thank you for your loving spirit and kind words. Loving you, Momma

Joshua's Page Ceremony

Several years ago, God pressed upon Mark's heart to start a rite of passage ceremony for our boys. It begins at the age of 8. It is a journey into Knight Hood. The journey has 4 celebrations that happen at monumental times in a boy's life. So, at the age of 8 you enter the first stage and become a Page.

The journey began for Joshua this past month on his 8th birthday. The kids come dressed up a Knights and Princesses. We have a ceremony where Joshua is given a spoken word about his faith and Scripture to memorize. Then the significant, Christian men in Joshua's life pray over him and sign a scroll. It is a faith building event for me to observe. I see my young boy taking steps to become a young man and pride wells up within my heart.

Of course, during the evening we have food, fellowship and complete chaos. So, it is not a somber event. It is a celebration. A celebration that each one of our boys look upon fondly.

So, my loving Joshua, I am proud of you. I am proud of the man you are becoming. I am proud of the path you choose. You take the hard road and strive to be humble and honest. You make my heart skip a beat when you look at me with those deep blue eyes and knock out smile. You are strong, my son, and courageous. You are my Blessing. I will always love you, my son. Momma

Random

It is time for another random post. This is a post where I just put alot of random thoughts down--nothing really fits together.

• I am really enjoying teaching my Bible study class. The ladies teach me far more than I give to them.
• Kaleb just got glasses. He looks super cute in them.
• I am seeing God work through all situations even the tough ones.
• Stephen is 5 years old...he can write his name and knows his letters and count to 20 on a good day.
• I finally organized my school room....it only took 5 months-YUCK!
• A schedule is my best friend and without it I am lost.
• Micah is doing an awesome job of trying to learn his letters. He can count to 10 and daily practices saying his ABC's!
• Joshua had teeth pulled and cut out this past month so he was grateful to join the 'I had surgery club.' He got new pjs and watched his movies all day long. He was a champ through the whole thing.
• A friend and I started a homeschool group at our church. I love the group of ladies that have attended and look forward at the progress of this group!
• Now two little friends have come to join us for the night, so I must go and get hot dogs ready to be grilled in the fire place!

Seeking Wisdom

Recently, I read through the book of Proverbs. God gave me so much wisdom as I studied His word. I wrote a few of those passages down and wanted to share them with you. In light of our present situation, I share these verses.

It is to a man's honor to avoid strife.

Even a child is known by his actions, by whether his conduct is pure and right.

Make plans by seeking advice.

A man's steps are directed by the Lord. How then can anyone understand his own way?

Blessed are all who wait for Him-Isaiah 30:18

In repentance and rest is your Salvation, in quietness and trust is your strength. Isaiah 30:15

Mary-Elizabeth 7 Months Old

I cannot believe that my little girl is 7 months old. These past few months have flown by--absolutely flown. It was just yesterday that she would fall asleep in my arms and snuggle up on my chest. Now, she refuses to snuggle much. She is always on the go. She has learned to crawl correctly even though she is almost always in dresses. She can go from laying down to sitting up to standing up. She is on the verge of walking around things. In short, she is mobile. She loves the fireplace and little toys-both to her parent's dismay.


This month she learned what a tu-tu was and that she was pretty in it! She has also started to leave her bows in--her mother is very proud!

Her hair has also grown in very well. We can now do pig tails. Oh,the fun her mother has with her hair, her clothes, and her toys.

She loves to play with toys especially the ones in the basket. She enjoys pulling them out, chewing on them and then passing them on.

She had her first hospitalization this month too. She had a cold that ended in some breathing issues. Her oxygen level was low, but we were able to go home within a day.

Mary-Elizabeth loves purses and jewelry. She adores being a girl, but also loves to play with balls.

In all, this last month has been one to remember. The boys love that she can crawl to them and hate it that she loves to chew on their toys. Micah has really taken to her and has learned how to make her belly laugh. Stephen continues to kiss her consistently. Joshua is the one who can always make her smile. Kaleb loves to hold her and carry her around.

All and all, it is a pretty good life!

5 month Old Mary-Elizabeth

Oh, can I count the ways I love this little girl. She laughs sweetly. She cuddles warmly. She smiles frequently. She is precious, absolutely precious.

At five months old she is able to do more than I anticipated. She rolls all over the floor. She can sit up for seconds at a time. She squeals and laughs. Unfortunately, she can also take out her bow :(. Sad, but we are still working on it. Perseverance is the game! She also doesn't like to lay on her stomach at all. So, this could make crawling difficult.

During Christmas, Mary-Elizabeth added some pink to our bins of toys. One of her favorite toys is her baby doll-Baby Beth. The doll was named by Micah since Mary-Beth can't quite talk yet.

Mary-Elizabeth also enjoys getting dressed up. She likes to wear her dresses and she likes to show off by smiling big.

Mary-Elizabeth's 4 Month Post

Well, it has almost been 4 months since she turned 4 months, but I must accomplish my task. The task is great, but rewarding in the end. I choose to share with the world the accomplishments of my little girl and her big brothers.

While she was 4 months old, we had her baby dedication. Mark and I were both blessed to have a part in her dedication. Mark read from the Bible about the importance of the church family. I ended the service with reading my prayer for her.

My Prayer for My Children

I pray that you have faith. The type of faith that can move mountains.

Matthew 17:20

I pray that you have strength. "The Lord blessed His people with strength."

Psalm 29:11

I pray that you have hope. "The hope that does not disappoint."

Isaiah 49:23b

I pray that you have devotion to prayer. "Devote yourselves to prayer being watchful and thankful."

Colosians 4:2

I pray that you have contentment. "Be content with such things as you have..."

Hebrews13:5

I pray that you have love. "The Lord your God is with you. He is mighty to save you. He will take great delight in you. He will quiet you with His love and rejoice over you with singing."

Zephaniah 3:17

My sweet daughter, I pray that God will teach you His ways, and that you would walk in His truth. I pray that you will have an undivided heart that you may always fear His name.

Some things little girl has accomplished at 4 months of life is playing with toys, laughing out loud, rolling over, and hugging real tight. She almost always wakes up smiling. The last four months have been pure delight for all of us!

Intertwined

Lately, I have been sick to my stomach all day long... It has taken me awhile to figure out what is wrong, but I think I have narrowed it. Obviously, it is the uncertainties of my future, the deadlines of decisions--the craziness that is my life right now.

But, it goes deeper....

As I was processing my thoughts and feelings with my husband, he gently said he thought it was more.... More what else could be bothering me to the point of this pit in my stomach. In his gentle ways, he asked me if my heart was broken for a friend. It was at that moment I realized I was broken.

I am broken for a friend. She is saying good bye to her husband for an entire year. For an entire year, he will be across the ocean in a land where ducking isn't apart of a nerf war. It is a true bomb blowing war zone. A place where men and women are tested beyond their own strength. I feel for him. He leaves a family behind that will be a year older, a year wiser, a year taller.

And on top of that their marriage will have one of the biggest trials thrushed upon them. How do you keep love alive miles and miles apart? How do you communicate? How do you feel their love bank up?

My heart breaks--my soul cries out--my body shakes at the true sacrifice our military makes.

So, what can I do for my friend and her family? Obviously, pray for them fervently. Next, be available and listen closely to the unspoken words. I need to open my spirit up to God and allow Him to direct my paths and speak through my mouth.

So, does this make me feel better. Not a chance... I am reminded of a story in Scripture when Jesus wept. He wept because his friends were weeping over their dead brother. Jesus knew he was going to raise Lazarus from the dead, but his friends' emotion brought out his deep emotions. Our lives our intertwined as Christians. We feel other's pain and joy and through these feelings we accomplish success in being the friend God wants us to be.

So, through my tears, I will be reminded of what compassion can do. I will walk along side my friend and her family and I will weep when they weep and I will rejoice when they rejoice. I will be the friend that God has created me to be.

"I call as my heart grows faint; lead me to the ROCK that is higher than I."

Psalm 61:2

Panic Attacks

Well, I was really hoping I could escape this fire without a stench of smell. I don't think it is going to happen though. Tonight proved it for me. This waiting on God thing is going to transform my life. I will either choose to believe God and live out my talk or I will choose to believe the world and bury my head.

I am at a turning point or maybe it is a breaking point. Tonight we were off and running and then all of the sudden....BAM...a full fledge panic attack. I could breathe and work through it, but it was there.....

All of the sudden, I had incredibly horrifing thoughts....will Mark ever get a job? Rejections were bound to happen. And they have come...in all sorts of ways. And I know that those rejections are needed. It leads us to know where to go and where not to go, but they are ever so painful.

So, tonight my heart is heavy....I have fears. They aren't realistic, but yet they are very real.

Reality

Reality is that I can't find time to fold clothes, organize my school room, declutter my play room or even blog. I enjoy writing my thoughts and feelings down, but I don't have enough 'quiet' time to accomplish my task. So, I come with an apology for those of you who daily look at my blog for pictures or updates on our growing family.



Reality is that our life is crazy and I am trying to assimilate it. I am trying to make sure that all my ducklings are satisfied. I still have lots to say. I am still journaling and I hope that I can post those journals on here as time goes by. In fact, I have a great desire to share with you my thoughts on the journey God has placed us in. We are smack dab in the middle of waiting for God...well I must stop or this might be two posts instead of one...more to come!