Answers to the Top 7 Questions

I have been asked several good questions lately.  I thought I would share the questions and answer them to the best of my ability.

1. Why tell everyone early? Mark and I both believe that life begins at conception.  We also believe that God creates all life.  Therefore, telling everyone early validates the life of our child regardless of how long that child is with us on earth.

When you send your Spirit, they are created,

and you renew the face of the earth.

Psalms 104:30

 

2. Why have more children?  Mark and I both believe that God has asked us to trust Him in all our ways and He will make our paths straight.  (Paraphrased from Proverbs 3: 5-6)We both believe that God has the best plan for our family and that His love is greater for us than we could ever imagine.  When we decided to give God our fertility, I had no idea that also meant to accept death. However, it is in my 5 losses that I have seen God work mightily in my life.  To give God our fertility doesn't mean we will have many kids.  It means we  will give Him our hearts and desires and accept His best for us which sometimes includes brokenness.

 

See now that I myself am He!

There is no God besides me.  I put to death and

I bring to life.  I have wounded and I will

heal, and no one can deliver out of my hand.

Deuteronomy 32:39

 

3. How are you?  I am physically healing very nicely from the loss of twins.  Emotionally I have my moments.  However, I do have a peace and joy.  I also have hope that God will use Malachi and Mercy's life for His glory.

 

4. Do you know what caused the miscarriage? We do not know what has caused the miscarriage.  We trust that God has a plan and that His grace will be sufficient for our need of knowledge.

 

5. How do you know it was twins? The ultrasound showed two sacs.  I also had many dreams and a huge hunch it was boy/girl twins. 

 

6. What should I say to someone who has suffered a loss through miscarriage?  I could give you a list of what not to say.  The most valid point to make with someone who has lost a baby through miscarriage is to validate their loss.  It is a life that is gone.  A dream that is dead.  An ache that cannot be filled by another child.  It is a hole in their heart.  It is a taste of reality that our home is not here on earth.  Let the person grieving know that it is okay to be sad and to cry. 

 

7. How are Mark and the children? Mark is a very strong man who understands how this loss affects him and his family.  He has grieved with me.  He has clung to Scripture and he has led his family to trust God above all things seen.  He has handled it very well. 

 

The children have also handled their grief well.  They have cried, been angry and rejoiced.  They can't wait to get to heaven to meet their 5 other brothers and sisters.

 

Well, hopefully that has answered most of every ones' questions.  If not, you are welcome to submit your question. 

 

Blessings,

               Susan

 

 



An Emptiness

An emptiness exist.  It won't go away.  I count my children, yet someone is missing.  We sit to watch tv and it seems as though a few have gone away.  My arms always empty.  My heart always aching.  My mind always wishing.

Then like a ton of bricks it hits me.  Maybe I will always feel like someone is missing because 5 special someones are missing.  Our life will never be the same.  My loss is to remind me that my home is not in this place.  The blessing of my loss is learning the realness of who God is. 

I absolutely love this song.  It was written and performed by a group called Watermark. 

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=e01hk1BRYqM


Blessings, Susan

A Message of Compassion

I must forewarn you.  This is a post where I walk you down the road of miscarriage with me.  It will not be an easy walk, but a walk that will be well worth your time.

We found out we were pregnant with our 9th pregnancy on January 30th.  Mark and I were so excited!  He could barely hold in his excitement!  We told our children and they were jumping with glee (as well as ones with a yucky stomach virus could jump)!

Mark and I both believe that life begins at conception.  We also believe very strongly that every life has purpose regardless of how long they live.  Therefore, we tell everyone we are pregnant from the beginning because we want the life of our child to be validated.  Sometimes it is really hard to be transparent.  This is one of those times.  By the time we told everyone we were pregnant, we had lost our sweet babies.  Yet, God still had a purpose for my sweet babies.

Now back to the journey....

Shortly after I found we were pregnant I began to have dreams that we were having twins. I began to accept the hunch that we were having twins.  I even told my doctor, children, husband and friends. 

As time went by symptoms of my pregnancy didn't increase.  Then I began think that I was going to have a miscarriage.  I began to quote Scripture and pray for God to be BIG.  In times that I do not know how to pray, I always pray for God to be BIG!  God told me in my spirit that He was going to be BIG through this situation.  He said to my spirit that He was going to do something no human could explain.  I held onto that truth because that truth is my life line!

A few days later I began to spot.  I am so grateful God allowed Mark to be home before I had to go to the hospital.  At the hospital, we found out that we did indeed have 2 sacs.  Sadly, neither one of them had a heartbeat.  I knew that we had lost our babies...again.  I began to cry.  When we received my blood test results of the HCG level, hormone made while pregnant,  it was low.  So, we knew for sure
 that God had our sweet babies.

That night I cried all night long.  I would wake up and I would be crying in my sleep.  I ached for my babies.  When Mary-Elizabeth woke up that night and came to my bed, I held her tightly.

The tough part was yet to come.  We had to tell our children and our family.  There is no easy way of telling people that you have lost your babies. 

The Children were extremely sad.  They didn't want anymore siblings in heaven.  They had 3 previous to this loss. 

On Monday, Mark and I decided to pray for a miracle.  We knew that it would take faith.  Faith would mean opening ourselves up to grieving all over again.  So, I prayed a very powerful, heart felt prayer.  I prayed for God to heal my babies. I also prayed that if he chose not to heal them then he needed to take care of my heart.  I was choosing to "Be still and know that He is God."

Tuesday came and we went back to my doctor.  My doctor told me that we probably lost our babies.  He did some blood work to confirm and would call me later on in the day. 

Mark and I decided to pick out some Willow tree babies for our shelf.  We also decided to celebrate the lives of our babies.  We celebrated their birth in heaven.  We celebrated the fact that we will be able to see them again.  We celebrated the fact that all they know is perfect love.

We named our twins Mercy and Malachi. I always thought they were boy/girl twins. Malachi means my messenger and Mercy means compassion.  Together they are God's message to me of His compassion.

When you stop to look at the situation and ask the "WHY" question, you get a few glimpses into who God is.  God also lost His son to a most terrible pain--the sin of the world.  God freely gave up his son for me.  God knows pain.  He knows heartache.  He just knows.  He knows my pain.  He knows my heart.  He will fight for me if ONLY I give up to Him. 

My prayer for God to protect my heart came through with an peace and joy.  I rejoiced in the fact that my twins are safe. I have a peace that God has a plan for me too.  My prayer now is that God will use my pain for His glory.

I am praying for healing.  I am praying for God to be HUGE!

The Lord  will fight for you;

you need only to be still.

Exodus 14: 14



What do you think?

What do you think when you see a big family?

Where do you see them-the mall, Wal-Mart, or SAM's?

How do you look at them?

When you look at them is it a shock to see so many kids?

Or do you look at them saying, “They are so lucky to have that many blessings!” If you are thinking the last one go up and tell them. You would be amazed how great it makes them feel.

Big families get rude remarks more nice ones. As Christians, we should be nice to all people not just those who we agree with. God has called us to love everyone even our enemies.

Next time you see a big family out and about, you should tell them how lucky they are to have so many kids.

 Kaleb