Thinking Out Loud

So, I have been contemplating some deep questions lately. One of the most prevalent question on my heart is what would my response be if I knew something tragic would happen in 6 months. Tragic events in this case would be loss of a child or Mark. It could even be severe damage by a disease or accident to myself or immediate family.

I think my initial response would be extreme despair. I would cry and beg God to change His mind. I would probably make some physical changes too. I would sit with my child until he/she fell asleep every night. I wouldn't homeschool any longer. Our days would be filled with fun and memory making activities.

If I was loosing Mark, I would probably cater to his every desire. I would want him to tell me his dreams for each child. I would write his wisdom down for our children to learn from in years to come. I would embrace every hug and kiss completely differently.

In essence, I think I would embrace life more fully. Recently a young man was told he had 6 months to live. His response is telling anyone and everyone who will listen about the saving grace of God.

I would hope my response would be the same.

Sadly, God's Word is very clear that we will have many troubles in this world. Thankfully, God has also said that He has overcome this world. So, I guess at some point in time we will all have a tragedy that will come into our lives at some point in time.

As I get older, I realize the only real true thing in life is God. It is God that get me through each obstacle. It is God who comforts me through the night. It is God's Word that is alive and active in me that makes the attitude change...not the situation. My hopes is that I can prepare now for the sorrows later. I want to memorize His word and be grateful daily for His provisions. I want to have something to grasp onto in my deepest despair.

In contemplating this situation, maybe the real response to any grief should always be to fall in love with Jesus way before the sorrow comes my way.

Gratitude...

I am about to embark upon a book and I have no doubts that I will be sharing this book with you. However, on a recent blog I read how the author Ann Vokskamp challenges the reader to write a 1000 things you are thankful for.

WOW!

So, I am going to start my list. My goal is to share a portion of my list with you each week.

1. I am thankful for a lap top. My lap top makes chatting on fb, writing blogs and balancing my checking account easier than ever before.
2. I am thankful that my husband has a passion for loving me through bathing our small children.
3. I am thankful that Mark desires to read to our children from books that will increase their character.
4. I am thankful for the sunshine that warms my body on cool winter days.
5. I am thankful for cell phones. Without a cell phone, I would be tied to my home waiting for Mark to call me while he is out of country.
6. I am thankful for Beth Moore. She has taught me volumes concerning the Word of God.
7. I am thankful for Kaleb eagerly going to get the mail even in the snow.
8. I am thankful for having this opportunity to blog my thoughts and journal the lives of my children.
9. I am thankful that ME loves for me to snuggle next to her while she falls asleep.
10. I am thankful for Stephen's contagious smile.
11. I am thankful to have a close friend and have the freedom to say what I think and feel without the fear of judgement.
12. I am thankful for Micah's sweet words of encouragement.
13. I am thankful that Joshua has a desire to do right regardless of the peer pressure that surrounds him.
14. I am thankful that I can home educate my children. I love watching them find success.
15. I am thankful that my Mom taught me about Jesus and showed me a genuine love for Him.
16. I am thankful that my sister calls me several times a week.
17. I am thankful that my brother and sister in law are faithful to fb. I love hearing the antics of my sweet niece and nephew.
18. I am thankful that strangers became family through a bond of true agape love.
19. I am thankful that today is a lazy day.
20. I am thankful that my heart soars when I hear my husband's ring tone.

So, will you take the gratitude challenge? Join me and let's tackle the Monster of Negativity.

"Be joyful always; pray continually;

give thanks in all circumstances, for this

is God's will for you in Christ Jesus."

1 Thessalonians 5: 16-18

A Letter to My Momma

On Tuesday the 25th of January, we will mourn the fact that my Mom has been dead for 3 years. Or should I say we are celebrating the fact that my Mom has been in Heaven for 3 years. Grief is delicate and hard. Some days I feel like celebrating and rejoicing, but on other days I yearn for one more phone call.

So, today I am going to write my Mom a letter. I hope to convey my heart to her and her beautiful soul to you.

My Sweet Momma,

You have been gone for 3 years, but at times it feels as raw as yesterday. I wish so many times that I could pick up the phone and talk with you and tell you my thoughts. I would tell you how much ME reminds me of you. She absolutely loves clothes and purses. She has your hair and when she wakes up it looks just like yours (insert laughter). She loves to play with her babies and she is extremely stubborn. I wish you were here to watch her grow up with me.

I would tell you that Kaleb has your smile and your generosity. As he grows, I see the imprint you have had in his life.

Joshua has your passion for sports. He loves to watch football. He would definitely sit with you through the whole thing. He has a natural talent too. I wish we could sit and watch one more Cowboy game together even if they are losing.

Stephen has your analytical brain. He can figure anything out. He is very "mechanical." The other day I heard hims say, "Lefty loosy--righty tighty." He is great with numbers and figuring out all that stuff. I know that his smile would melt your heart in moments.

Micah is definitely you. He is so stubborn. He thinks he knows what is best. I know this quality would suit him well someday just like it did you. I just pray I make it through his formative years. You would definitely get a kick out of him as he "explains" his way. I can still hear you taking the sides of your grand babies.

Momma, I never told you how proud I am of you. I really did not understand all your sacrifices and all your strength until Mark left recently for his 4 month deployment. So many times I wanted to tell you how amazed I am at your strength.

Thank you Momma for being a woman of character and a pillar of strength. Thank you for sharing Jesus with me because without Him I don't know if I could have handled the last 3 years. Thank you for being real with me about your failures and your successes....it helps to know that it gets better. Your wisdom astounds me to this day. Many of your witty statements come to my mind as I write this letter...all of them true and all of them useful at some point in time.

I guess what I really want to say is thank you for letting me be your daughter. Thank you for teaching me to be who God created me to be. I can't wait until we meet again and can sit under a tree near that crystal sea and talk face to face. Oh what a day that will be! Until then-thank you for those reminders of how much you love me.

Love and Miss You,

Susan

*Just in case you were wondering. The picture is of my Mom and Kaleb in 1999.

Bloggers Block

I really don't know what is wrong. I am at a lost of words. Or maybe I am at a lost on how to put the words on paper. Everything I write seems cynical. I know in my heart that it is not my plan, but the words are typed out and I am not impressed. I want my blog to breathe life into others. I want readers to walk away and be one step closer to the heart of God. I want to be real. I want to be who I am and not be afraid of others. I desire to share my heart with others, in hopes of providing hope in any situation.

Yet....

I am standing in my kitchen and listening to my sweet family giggle and scream (out of sure happiness). They are playing and having a great time. Yet, I am wordless.

Hoping the block goes away soon.

New Year's Resolution

I have been thinking about what I want to do differently this year. This is the time of year to reflect and make changes. So, in hopes of holding myself accountable with all of my wonderful readers, I am sharing the desires of my heart.

I want to play and be with my children (outside of schooling) daily. I want to connect with each of them in a way that lets them know how much I love each of them.

I want to get out of debt. I want to save money. I want to buy a van that fits our family. I want to honor God with the money He has given us.

I want to be disciplined in my daily times with God. I want to be faithful with what I have. I want to work out and be physically fit. I want to be humble. I want to seek God's approval and not mans (this will be hard.)

I want to love my husband the way he receives love. I want to laugh often, pray continuously, and listen intently.

I want to be joyful amidst the circumstances of 2011. I want to point others to Christ in a more loving way.

My desire for 2011 is to embrace the moments. What is your desire? Where are you heading? Can we journey together? Looking forward in sharing in the coming weeks more of what God is teaching me.