Conflicted

I am at a major crossroads in my life. I have a strong belief that God should be in control of all areas of my life. I should allow him to move me like a chess piece because He sees the entire board. However, figuring out what that means is tough stuff. The Bible is a phenomenal help in allot of areas. I won't murder, but if I hate someone than it is murder....YIKES! It gets tough. I am glad that I live under grace. I did not get my ticket to Heaven based upon anything I have done. For everything good I could do is like filthy rags.

So, I have a conflicting area in my life.

Mark and I trust God with our family size. He has done a great job thus far. I don't foresee Him messing up since He is perfect! However, this pregnancy has made me think through my decision. Notice it has made me and not Mark. Not only have I had a horrible experience of not keeping much in... I have also had problems with my blood pressure that goes up and down and causes the worse headaches ever. I also have a placenta previa issue that can fix itself we will have to wait and see. All in all the 3rd trimester should be an interesting ride.

So, I have been thinking...maybe this baby is it for me. I think 5 children are plenty and really I am getting older. So, then God brought me back to reality. Do I trust God when it only feels good? Do I trust Him through this and after this?

Yep, I am conflicted.

Good thing God isn't conflicted. He didn't fall off His throne. He isn't rethinking.

"Trust in the Lord and lean not on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge Him and He will make straight His path for you."

Sounds pretty easy after all. No answers for the 3rd trimester or maybe another pregnancy. I just need to trust my Abba daily and He will make straight my path.

Spoiled by God

One of my deepest dreams has been to have a school area or room. A room that would provide a place of comfort and fun for my children as they proceed to blossom in the knowledge and wisdom of God's dominion. A place free of 'small' distractions. A place they could call their own.

Well, my dream came true. I can now homeschool in one spot and keep my small children from playing in the middle of the table. God blessed my family with an absolutly large home. My home is large enough for a play room and a school room. They are connected but divided which is very important when it comes to teaching intricate studies such as Phonics and Penmanship.

This week has been our first week to utilize the space and I am in love. Micah cannot get on top of the table and proceed to write all over the books before I have time to get him down. Stephen can't bring a load of toys and play on the table. Best of all, I don't have to clean up our mess before each meal. AH! Sweet Relief!

Another thing I love is the ability to have school type posters on the wall and it not be in my dinning room. I am estatic about my new found freedom and will be utilizing it greatly while we are here.

I love being spoiled by God. He knows exactly what I need and He even gives me what I truly want.

"Delight in the Lord your God and He will give the desires of your Heart!"

This heart is elated by God's blessings! May your heart be blessed and encouraged as we walk this narrow road together!

Precious

The boys have blessed my heart greatly. My Incredible Hunk has done more in the last few weeks then should be asked of any one person. He deserves applause from all who know him. He has worked around the clock to make certain that my life is easier when he returns to work. He has changed more diapers then he deserves. He has been the rock that we have all needed.

While I have been adjusting to this thing called pregnancy, the boys have all done their part to make me feel loved. Micah brings his sweet blanket, pacifier and cup to lay down with me and rest. I have enjoyed holding him as he goes off to sleep.

Stephen has blessed my heart many times. He runs up to me and says, "Mom, your the best mom in the universe." Then he runs away. Oh, I love that I am still the best Mom even though I can't be the Mom I want to be right now.

Joshua, is a love and has a funny side to him. He entertains me by telling me stories or by telling me jokes. He keeps me smiling and feeling important as the days carry on.

Kaleb is such a great help and is trying to do many tasks. He learned how to cook chicken noodle soup all by himself, of course with my supervision and detailed instructions. He also comes to give me hugs several times a day. He just can't get enough.

The boys, mainly Stephen, calls this baby his 'sister'. My hope is that this baby is healthy and that I survive the next few weeks until I am out of this yucky part.

My life is full of precious things that continue to bless me daily. I pray that as 2009 passes I count my blessings every moment. My prayer for each of you is to count each day as the blessing it is.

Soon, I will post pictures and my thoughts of 2008 and my hopes for 2009.

Just to let you know...I count writing this blog as a blessing to me. Thanks for letting me share my dreams, my heart aches, my funnies, my love and my hopes.