Disappointments....

With a family of 7 we are never short on disappointments throughout our day. Almost every hour someone is aggravated, frustrated, or just plain hurt. Normally the cause of the dismay is a sharing or lack of sharing I should say. With time and a patient Mom, the issue is normally worked out.

Lately, we have had larger issues that have caused loud outcries in our household.

I need to make a side note... I want my children to be disappointed while at home. I know....I am mean like that. But, in reality I want to help my children learn how to deal with disappointments. I want them to have a bag of good coping skills and good Bible verses to get them through life. The Bible is very clear that we will have many troubles in this world.

Back to the outcry...

As I walked with Kaleb through his disappointment for not getting a part in a play that he wanted, I was reminded of my senior year in high school. I auditioned for speaking at my graduation ceremony. I was told that my speech was good and the delivery was good as well. But the time was shorter than he wanted. I was the alternate. I was crushed. In my eyes, I was better than the girl who received the honor of giving the graduation speech.

Now forward 17 years later. And I realized that very experience of disappointment was the beginning of learning that God has a plan for me and for those around me. Plans to prosper me and to give me a future. In lay terms, God has my back! I don't understand why I did not receive the privilege of speaking to my graduating class. Yet, I trusted God.

In hind sight, I can see that one of the best aspects of not getting to speak is I learned how to cheer others on. I remember my Uncle offering to go and flatten her tires. My response was a chuckle because I knew that God had ordained that night for her and not me. What growth I would have missed out on if I had allowed the root of anger or bitterness to take hold.


I say all this to say.... As I walk with my children down many roads of disappointments, I want to remember as I grieve with them for their "loss" that God has a perfect plan and all that is required is for us to trust God. Then I want to sit back and watch them flourish and pray against the weeds of anger, bitterness, and selfishness.

Mountains and Valleys

Lately, I have been in a valley. I don't know where I am going or when I will get to my final destination. All I know is this journey is arduous and bumpy. I am learning how to carve out time for my family in a busy world. I am learning how to take huge dosages of criticism at a time. I am learning to stand strong in what I believe. I am learning how to cry and let go. I am learning how to stay focus on the task ahead of me even though my heart is breaking. I am learning that God is with me every step of the way.

A few weeks ago, I went on a journey up the mountains. I learned a few things that has helped me in this valley. Once I made it up the mountain the view made me speechless. I know that once I climb up this spiritual mountain from this valley that the view will put everything into perspective. I also know from the view on the mountain that the valley is not that bad. It has places of ick, but it also has beauty.

So, as the real valley has beauty so does my spiritual valley. My goal is to seek out that beauty and ponder the Creator. My goal is to love the Lord regardless of what happens and to stick firmly to that which God has called me. Easier said than done I know. Sometimes in the valley we find our true friends. But even worse we see who we really are...sinners set free by a loving God.

In my recent valley, I have seen how strong I am. I have cried countless times...very hard for me. I have watched my children suffer--even harder. I have been anxious, angry, bitter, raging, and joyful. The best part is that I have been refined and made to be a better wife, mother, friend, sister and most certainly a better child of God. I have began to fall more in love with a God who adores me and calls me by name.

So, from my view....the valley is a beautiful creation...a bit painful at times, but definitely gorgeous.

Random Thoughts

A good friend of mine has been teasing me for awhile that we don't live in Colorado we live in Kansas. So, to prove her point she took me on a tour of the "real" Colorado. Just to fill you in on some details...together we have 7 kids ranging from the age of 1 to 11. One of us are very use to driving across country the other one not so much. One of us drive through the mountains multiple times in the year, one of us has never driven through the mountains. With the large numbers, we were both forced to drive our cars. I think you are seeing the picture...

As we drove to the mountains, through the woods and over the river, I had many random thoughts. So, here I go....

• 14 month olds do NOT like car seats. Everyone in both cars will back me up. A screaming child is no fun for no amount of time esspecially for hours upon hours.
• Even a driver can get sick to her stomach as she drives those curvy, drop off roads.
• 1 spilled drink during dinner out...not bad odds with 7 kids and one clumsy adult.
• A lake, some mud, a few dozen rocks and a plethora of worms are more fun than a park regardless of your age. (A side note...I did allow ME to play in the mud too.--I know absolutely shocking. I have proof though.)
• My children absolutely love hotel rooms.
• A freezing pool doesn't scare children who adore swimming.
• One small disagreement in a 37 hour period of time with 7 kids...the grace of God.

Bottom line after my journey to the mountains, my friend is right I live in Kansas.

Accomplishment

So as we close out our first deployment, albeit small deployment considering the sacrifices others make, I am feeling frustrated for not accomplishing more. The more I wanted to accomplish is way over the top--really it is! I wanted to finish 90 lessons of school for 2 of my children and 60 lessons for my new kindergarten kid. I also wanted to paint 4 bedrooms, 2 bathrooms, a playroom and a wall in the "great" room. I wanted to do all of this while raising my 5 children and continuing our very active life style.

So, now that I have stated all that I have yet to accomplish...let us see what I have accomplished in the last four months...(list style of course.)

• Drove from Florida to Texas all the way home with 5 children. No wrecks, no tickets and all 5 children arrived happy.
• Did a walk through on my new home.
• Closed on my new home.
• Moved into my new home and slept on the floor. Bought and moved 2 twin mattresses with box sets.
• Unpacked my new house.
• Get up with several small children throughout the night.
• Hung pictures on the wall.
• Homeschooled my 3 out of my 5 children for 2.5 months.
• Went through the entire process of braces with my 11 year old.
• Weaned my daughter.
• Worked out several anger issues.
• Read several books.
• Bathed many children.
• Sent numerous packages.
• Wiped countless tears.
• Changed endless beds.
• Said multiple prayers.

I truly stand in awe of any wife of a soldier who carries out deployments for years and years. I am eternally grateful for being able to have the strength to do that which God has called me to be-- Mark's wife and everything that encompasses.