I am at a major crossroads in my life. I have a strong belief that God should be in control of all areas of my life. I should allow him to move me like a chess piece because He sees the entire board. However, figuring out what that means is tough stuff. The Bible is a phenomenal help in allot of areas. I won't murder, but if I hate someone than it is murder....YIKES! It gets tough. I am glad that I live under grace. I did not get my ticket to Heaven based upon anything I have done. For everything good I could do is like filthy rags.
So, I have a conflicting area in my life.
Mark and I trust God with our family size. He has done a great job thus far. I don't foresee Him messing up since He is perfect! However, this pregnancy has made me think through my decision. Notice it has made me and not Mark. Not only have I had a horrible experience of not keeping much in... I have also had problems with my blood pressure that goes up and down and causes the worse headaches ever. I also have a placenta previa issue that can fix itself we will have to wait and see. All in all the 3rd trimester should be an interesting ride.
So, I have been thinking...maybe this baby is it for me. I think 5 children are plenty and really I am getting older. So, then God brought me back to reality. Do I trust God when it only feels good? Do I trust Him through this and after this?
Yep, I am conflicted.
Good thing God isn't conflicted. He didn't fall off His throne. He isn't rethinking.
"Trust in the Lord and lean not on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge Him and He will make straight His path for you."
Sounds pretty easy after all. No answers for the 3rd trimester or maybe another pregnancy. I just need to trust my Abba daily and He will make straight my path.