Today was not the day it was suppose to be. Tonight is suppose to be family night. Family Night is when the family plays, eats and sleeps together from the time Dad gets home until after breakfast the next day. Everyone loves family night!
However, today a cloud of sadness has come over me and my home. Our neighbors just gave birth to a baby boy who died in utero at about 40 weeks. There was no rhyme-no reason.
Personally, my heart feels like a knife has been stabbed into it. I am devastated for them.
So, in respect to the devastating news, I began to love the sounds of my home. I praised God on the way home today as Micah screamed loudly in the back seat. I thanked God for Stephen as he whined through the entire grocery store experience. I once again sang Hallelujahs as I disciplined Joshua and Kaleb for not following directions. I thanked my God for my four boys.
However, I also thanked him for carrying me through the process when I, too, lost my two sons. I was 8 weeks pregnant and began to bleed. That night we lost Zechariah Isaiah. We had lost one of our twins, but had the hope that we could carry the other one to term. At 12 weeks, I was given the okay to get off of bed rest. At 18 weeks, I went in for a normal check up with the whole family. We heard no heart beat. Our dear son had passed away a few weeks earlier. A few days later, I delivered a beautiful, albeit very small, little boy whom we named Hezekiah Tom Thumb.
No words could sum up the words for my emotions. I couldn't breathe. At times, the pain was so great that I would need Mark to sit with me through the episode until the pain subsided. The pain was real and it was deep and very ugly. The only way to survive was to be carried through the process of grieving. I thank God that today I can remember that experience and I recall how wonderful my Abba was during that darkest time of my life.
It is through theses experiences that I am humbled and remember that I must constantly give thanks for all things including the hard stuff. So, for today I am thankful for what I do have. I am thankful for my 20+ loads of laundry-my endless dirty dishes-endless crumbs under the high chair-whining children-sleepless nights and anything else I must sacrifice to have my four healthy, happy, God fearing Super Heroes. Thank you Blessed Reminder for reminding me of my blessings and the purpose of my calling.
Oh, by the way. I bet tonight will be the best family night ever.
Psalm 127:3 "Sons are a heritage from the Lord, children (regardless of how long they are with us) are a reward from Him."