I will never really understand why my father decided to not be apart of my life. It doesn't make sense. It is not how God intended it to be. It wasn't for my best.
The plain truth is that sin stinks! Another plain truth is that sin often affects everyone within a 100 mile radius.
I was conceived out of wedlock. In fact, I was a product of an affair between a secretary and her boss. Oh, the boss offered to marry the pretty secretary, but the secretary knew it would never last.
Love is depth, not passion.
The difference between the secretary and the boss is the secretary lived with her gift from their mistake. She saw how reconciliation, forgiveness and ownership could change lives.
It did.
It changed me.
My mother never regretted me. She never made me feel ugly or unwanted.
She made me feel loved and cherished. I was her precious gift amidst a tough circumstance.
My father chose to honor his family and keep his marriage intact. That is a honorable choice, but not the right one. From the beginning, God wanted us to choose reconciliation. His desire has always been for all the wrongs to be made right.
My father chose a different path.
I have always prayed for reconciliation.
So now that my father has passed away and in all intents and purposes I have had my reconciliation through a dream (see previous post), what now?
How do you grieve over a dream, over a vision, over a life that is gone? How do you honor your father? Where do I go from here.
Well, I am only 28 hours into this process and I really can't answer those questions in my own wisdom.
So, I went to the place of wisdom--God's holy word!
Here is a list of what God has taught me through His word in this difficult chapter of my life.
1. I should honor my father. In this circumstance, honoring my father is to respect his wishes. He wanted his family to be protected from the truth of my existence. He wanted to protect them from his past. Therefore, I have chosen to leave well enough alone. I have no plans for flowers, cards or well wishes. I did not attend the funeral. I have not ran his name across facebook and defaced who he is.
Honor your father and your mother.... Exodus 20:12
2. Regardless of the way I came about, I was created for a purpose.
I am fearfully and wonderfully made...Psalm 139:14
3. The only thing that can help me keep my attitude in check is the Word of God. Some days I would really like to give some people a piece of my mind!
For the Word of God is living and active...
it judges the thoughts and attitudes
of the heart. Hebrews 4:12
4. I need to keep my thought life on the things of Christ. It would be so easy to focus on all my inadequacies and why I am not acceptable. It would also be easy to focus on what I have missed and not what I have.
Whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right,
whatever is pure, whatever is lovely,
whatever is admirable--if anything is excellent
or praiseworthy--think about such things.
Philippians 4:8
5. Last thing I have gleamed from Scripture is that God heals the broken hearted. He ears my cries and He and only He can fill the brokenness that has come forth because of the emptiness that not having a dad can bring.
You turned my wailing into dancing; you removed my sackcloth
and clothed me with joy, that my heart may sing to you
and not be silent. O LORD my God, I will give you thanks forever.
Psalm 30:11-12
I am so blessed that I am able to call the God of the Universe, my Abba.
... you received the Spirit of sonship. And by Him we cry Abba, Father.
Romans 8:15
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