Surrendering

When I first became pregnant 14 years ago this past Thanksgiving, I had no idea how much God would ask from me.  At that moment, I dreamed of nursery rooms, sweet baby feet, and cuddles on the couch.  I never considered the journey of becoming a Godly parent.

As the days have become years, I have realized that God has been faithful to my prayers.  I have prayed for several years that God would make me a wise mom with eyes to see and a heart to give. I have prayed that I would love God with all my heart, soul, strength and mind.  But I have also prayed that my children would love the same.  In my prayers, I beg God to make laughter surround our home.  Yet, my biggest prayers is that I would just surrender-gratefully.

Surrendering to God isn't throwing in the towel or waving the white flag.  Surrendering is remember who He is and who I am not.  Oh, how this one word as such power!

I learned early on that pregnancy and the life with a newborn would make sure that I surrendered my body and my sleep. After 8 pregnancies, I see how gravity has shaped my body and all my extra skin.  

Lack of sleep is a natural progression of parenting.  It is natural to be awake with a newborn.  However, there have been many nights that I have been awake because of  prayer needs or a broken heart.

I have set up with small children in hospitals. I have slept in chairs with asthmatics. I have done many loads of  puked on laundry.  I have lost sleep over nightmares--mine and theirs.

Recently, my family said good bye to sweet friends family as their journey took them to another state far away. My young daughter has a rather unique relationship with this precious family.  She loves them very much and would often spend the night. It was her second home.  At the age of 3, she is learning what this world offers at times. I have spenT several nights laying in bed with her snuggling and praying as she processes her grief. These days will pass and she will once again sleep well on her own, but for now I am blessed to surrender my sleep. In return, I see a glimpse of God's grace and hand- not to mention all the sweet snuggling. 

Sleep cannot be our god if we desire to raise Godly children.

Then came my time and energy. "Me" time does not really exist in my home. Staying up late with teenagers and getting up early with little ones allows little time for "me" time. There are times that I need to get away and refocus.  There are times when I really need to just do something mindless.  But, overall I cannot be checked out day after day. God has asked me to give Him my time and energy and to acknowledge Him.  He promises to direct my steps and give me endless strength to the things He has called me too.  When I surrender, God opens up opportunities for me to disciple my children, opportunities to truly listen to my children, memories that will help to remember my children, and experiences that will allow me to inhale His goodness.

Then God asked for my parenting ideas and even my beliefs to be put upon the altar table.  I just knew I had it all figured out when I was pregnant with Kaleb.  I bet God laughed and told the angels to watch how much He was about to rock my world. 

I never dreamed of homeschooling my children.  Well, for the last 9 years I have done just that!  I never ever thought I would have 6 kids.  I am now entertaining the idea of God expanding our family again--if He so chooses. (No, I am not pregnant.) I didn't think I could be a good mom to boys--I have 4 of them.  God has truly changed my parenting ideas to let Him be the ultimate boss and not because I just think so.  Scripture is the key to all discipline--adult and child alike.  So, as I search Scripture I learn better parenting skills.  I learn what mercy really means and how to apply it.  I learn what is acceptable and what I should detest.  Scripture has become my parenting filter.  If its in the Bible---sweat it and make it real.  If it isn't in the Bible--leave it alone and let God work out the details.

All these challenges were great areas of strife for me.  However, the greatest area that needed to be put on the altar was my pride.  YIKES! I needed to remember who God is and who I am not.  I needed help---

I don't really need help in the day to day things.  I needed help in being fully with my children.  It is so easy to check out mentally and still be home with my large crew.  They needed me though.

They needed me to be fully here. 

They needed me to listen to every detail of their story. 

They needed me to watch them succeed in a video game. 

They needed me to rock their babies. 

They needed me to see their lego creations.

They need me to enjoy their gluten free alphabet soup.

They needed me to see their success and their failures.

They needed me---all of me.

So as I gaze upon the one lesson that would sum up my life as a parent, it would be to surrender.  I have to surrender myself daily to Christ.  He will help me.  He will give me strength when I have been up all night with a sick little one.  He will give me wisdom to help small ones work out differences.  He will give me joy when the day is full of the grumpies.  He will be the one to hold me as I grieve over them leaving one by one to their life beyond my home. 

He will be...if I just surrender.