So, I have been contemplating how I could sum up my emotions and thoughts today. I have been thinking through my pregnancy with Mary-Elizabeth and trying to not 'worry' about all the junk that abounds.
I know I should not think about the issue of her possible brain cyst until it is diagnosed. I know I shouldn't worry about her potentially having down syndrome. I know I should not worry when she doesn't move as vigorously as normal. Yet, reality is that the last 24 hours have been tough.
I want to be positive, but I also want to protect myself from pain and prepare myself for the worse. Reality for me is that God is asking me once again to surrender it all. I should surrender my hopes and dreams to Him. That reality hurts. I truly want what God wants for my family, but I hate the pain.
Sometimes, reality hurts. It is seeing myself for who I am...a weak individual that depends on God for my every breath. So, reality is that Mary-Elizabeth may be an extremely healthy little girl or Mary-Elizabeth may be a very sick baby.
I can't keep my emotions in check.
I can't keep my fears in check.
I can't keep my attitude in check.
However, I can depend completely on God for keeping me in total balance. He is my cornerstone...my firm foundation--sure and strong.
So, what hope do I have? Well, today and probably tomorrow I will continue to quote Proverbs 3:3-5. I will trust God and not lean on my own understanding. I will delight myself in the Lord. I will be thankful in all situations. Not necessary thankful for the situation, but see the providence in all situations.
Reality is that God loves me and loves Mary-Elizabeth and I can trust myself to God's everlasting love!
In Loving adoration,