The Cracked Mask

I am the living, breathing, walking definition of a church kid. I have finished all my AWANA books, was the king at Bible sword drills, and was there every time the doors opened.

I didn’t realize being raised in the church could make me immune to the Holy Spirit.

I knew all the answers Sunday school teacher would ask (thank you Veggie Tales); therefore, I didn’t put much effort in at home. The Bible knowledge I received was from my parents reading the Bible or other discipleship programs. I rarely tried to learn things on my own.

            Last week, I went to a summer camp and the Holy Spirit convicted me of not being the “Me” God had created. It was as clear as daylight that I had been wrong. So, what did I do when I got home? Yes, I slept, but after that I started diving into God’s word.

I started reading in Hebrews and truth started jumping out. In Hebrews 3-4, it talks about how we shouldn’t run when we hear God’s voice like others have done, but run towards Him. I have been running for a very long time and I’m tired. I always thought Jonah was crazy because he ran from God now I realize that I am Jonah.

            I know that on the outside I look like I am the “perfect” Christian who reads their Bible everyday…….but truth is I haven’t read my Bible in months and I don’t think I’ve actually studied it in a year. No joke. My eyes have been open through this camp experience.

            Today’s reading was in Hebrews 5-6 and it talked about the different food types of the Bible.

¹³ Now everyone who lives on milk is inexperienced with the message about righteousness, because he is an infant. ¹⁴ But solid food is for the mature—for those whose senses have been trained to distinguish between good and evil.

Hebrews 5:13-14

            I believe that everyone has different foods. For what is milk to some may be steak to others. Does that make sense? I am addicted to milk. (Please hear my heart as I say this.) I am very mature and intelligent because of this maturity the hard concepts that Sunday School teachers would address, when I was younger, would be right at my level and fly over other kids’ heads. I felt like a king.

Now that I am in high school, it’s different. Sometimes I can’t understand the teacher and get confused. I have been so perplexed as to why. But now, I realize what happened. I only took an occasional bite of steak. I was comfortable with settling for normal. My Christian walk was at the same pace it had been since I was 13. Sure I’ve learned things, but I haven’t learned things.

            My spiritual gift is leadership and I’ve been a follower. I worry more about what people will think then what God thinks. I would hide my light just so I would have friends.   No longer do people see me and see a leader. That hurts to say, but it’s true. I know that God is not pleased with what I’ve done. Even my parents said they saw me drifting away. And….. I guess I did too. I saw myself leaving for college and becoming famous for the wrong reason and I just didn’t care. I thought, “This world is dying and is just going to hell in a handbasket.”

So I gave up. Why be a light when the lamp is burning out? We shouldn’t. We should just give up and watch lost people fry like bacon. This is what I’ve thought for a year or so now. I gave up and called the Christian thing quits. It’s hard to do and it hurts. Why do it if you know you will get burned?

Because God has called us to it! The reason the light is dying is because the body of Christ is giving up. STOP!!! God is trying to light a fire, but every time there is a spark we put it out with lies and gossip. We cannot blame others for this world. True some people aren’t helping, but neither are we. Right now the Body is cold. And I don’t think we truly care. I know I didn’t. I became a slave to apathy. I saw so much hurt that I became use to it. It needs to stop. I have taken off my glasses and now my heart aches for people.

            We need to unite the Body of Christ together. Slowly Satan is pulling us apart and we are letting him. Church WAKE UP! Take off the glasses and see the despair around you. We need to stop caring what the world thinks. People hated Jesus. If people don’t hate you then you’re doing something wrong.

I am sorry church that I have not been the person God has called. I promise this will change, and hopefully you’ll see a different Kaleb. I will be rededicating my life to Christ in an effort to purge myself and get right with God and the Body.  

                                                                                                        ~ Kaleb