Time--Friend or Foe?

Blogging gets harder and harder with the new technology.  It took me five minutes just to figure out how to get back to this page.  I think I signed Kaleb out of every thing. We are in such a fast pace life.  We rush to get everywhere.  We have meals ready in minutes, washing machines that can wash 20+ towels, dishwashers that fit a days worth of dishes....yet we don't use our 'extra' time wisely. 

Time ticks by at the same rate every day.  Yet, some days rush by and others drag. We cannot control time.  Time in essence controls us.  I watch the clock for meal times, bed times, awake times, screen times. I watch the calendar for school starting, birthdays, Mark's much awaited homecoming and holidays.  Time is either my enemy or my friend.  It is definitely a love/hate relationship.

Each day time ticks by something amazing happens.  My children grow taller, wiser, and  smarter.  When I rush time I miss all of that growing up.  I have to learn to embrace each of these beautiful, hard moments before I spend my life watching time pass me by.

How can I embrace time and enjoy the hard, crazy, loving moments of my life?  Kaleb taught me.  In a deep conversation with my son, he realized that Facebook was capturing valuable time. In an instant, he deleted Facebook from his phone.  Quickly the Spirit spoke to my heart.  I needed to delete Facebook from my phone as well.  It was taking my time and making me wish moments away.  When life is too hard or it gets too crazy in my head or in my home, I went straight to Facebook.

It was my escape.

Not anymore...

When life gets crazy, I turn to God. 

 He is my anchor not this world. 

 He teaches me how to be still in quiet pastures

.  He stills my soul and restores me.

He quiets my heart.

 

 

Be still and know that I AM God. Psalms 46:10

Growth--Is It An Option?

Today I am struggling.  I had a small little one who struggled in sleeping last night. So, I am TIRED.  However, I have been waiting to share with you a little nugget that God shared with me.  First, I had to share it with my Sunday School class. I am so excited to write out my thoughts.  I sure hope you enjoy it too!

I am presently reading 2 Corinthians.  God has spoken to me through each chapter of Corinthians.  I have been amazed at how much I have missed in my previous readings of Corinthians. 

Anyways, one verse really stood out in chapter 7 verse 1.

"Therefore, dear friends, since we have such promises,

let us cleanse ourselves from every impurity of the flesh and spirit,

completing our sanctification in the fear of God."

 

Let's break down this verse.  First, we are all friends.  We have closer friends and friends we can pal around with.  We have friends to chat about the things of God.  We are dear to each other.  Together, we make up the body of Christ.  We need to remember that we are all vital partners in our journey.  We NEED each other.  I need you and you need me.  We are friends.

 

Second, we have promises.  We have the previous promise spoken in chapter 6:16.  God will dwell in us.  He will be our God.  Next, we must cleanse ourselves from our sins.  How?  We ask for forgiveness then we make retribution as needed.  When we ask God to create a new heart within us, He is faithful (Psalm 51:10)

 

Now we are getting to the eye opening part for me.  In doing some research, I learned that "completing our sanctification in the fear of God" means that we must grow in Holiness.  It is not an option.  Once, we are "saved" then growing in holiness is not an option. Did you get that?  We must grow.  We must find ways to make spiritual growth a part of her daily life. 

 

How are you growing?  What steps are you taking?  How are you helping your children to grow? 

 

Remember it is not an option. 

 

"Mankind, He has told you what is good

and what it is the Lord requires of you:

to act justly,

to love faithfulness,

and to walk humbly with your God." Micah 6:8

 

 



2015

As I was sitting at my well loved table watching the snow come softly down, I began to listen to my Abba. He impressed upon me the deep need to write again. He has given me such a burning desire to write and share my heart and sometimes I allow my crazy life and fears to block me from sharing my heart.

He has taught volumes to me this year--mainly in this last month.  I cannot even sum up into words what my heart feels this cold January day.  I am in awe of the God who has called me His own.

As much as I am not one to write New Year's Resolutions, I do have a few that I am challenged to accomplish.  I would like to blog at least twice a week.  I have several blog posts that I feel compelled to write and share.  So, grab your warm drink, your fuzzy slippers, and let us encourage one another.

I am starting this year with a renewed desire to write what God has taught me.  How will you begin your year?  What are your goals this year?

Answers to the Top 7 Questions

I have been asked several good questions lately.  I thought I would share the questions and answer them to the best of my ability.

1. Why tell everyone early? Mark and I both believe that life begins at conception.  We also believe that God creates all life.  Therefore, telling everyone early validates the life of our child regardless of how long that child is with us on earth.

When you send your Spirit, they are created,

and you renew the face of the earth.

Psalms 104:30

 

2. Why have more children?  Mark and I both believe that God has asked us to trust Him in all our ways and He will make our paths straight.  (Paraphrased from Proverbs 3: 5-6)We both believe that God has the best plan for our family and that His love is greater for us than we could ever imagine.  When we decided to give God our fertility, I had no idea that also meant to accept death. However, it is in my 5 losses that I have seen God work mightily in my life.  To give God our fertility doesn't mean we will have many kids.  It means we  will give Him our hearts and desires and accept His best for us which sometimes includes brokenness.

 

See now that I myself am He!

There is no God besides me.  I put to death and

I bring to life.  I have wounded and I will

heal, and no one can deliver out of my hand.

Deuteronomy 32:39

 

3. How are you?  I am physically healing very nicely from the loss of twins.  Emotionally I have my moments.  However, I do have a peace and joy.  I also have hope that God will use Malachi and Mercy's life for His glory.

 

4. Do you know what caused the miscarriage? We do not know what has caused the miscarriage.  We trust that God has a plan and that His grace will be sufficient for our need of knowledge.

 

5. How do you know it was twins? The ultrasound showed two sacs.  I also had many dreams and a huge hunch it was boy/girl twins. 

 

6. What should I say to someone who has suffered a loss through miscarriage?  I could give you a list of what not to say.  The most valid point to make with someone who has lost a baby through miscarriage is to validate their loss.  It is a life that is gone.  A dream that is dead.  An ache that cannot be filled by another child.  It is a hole in their heart.  It is a taste of reality that our home is not here on earth.  Let the person grieving know that it is okay to be sad and to cry. 

 

7. How are Mark and the children? Mark is a very strong man who understands how this loss affects him and his family.  He has grieved with me.  He has clung to Scripture and he has led his family to trust God above all things seen.  He has handled it very well. 

 

The children have also handled their grief well.  They have cried, been angry and rejoiced.  They can't wait to get to heaven to meet their 5 other brothers and sisters.

 

Well, hopefully that has answered most of every ones' questions.  If not, you are welcome to submit your question. 

 

Blessings,

               Susan

 

 



Lessons Learned....

He's a good man.  He was just scared or maybe he was disillusioned.  Or maybe he was protecting his family or preserving his marriage.  Maybe he just plain forgot.

I will never really understand why my father decided to not be apart of my life. It doesn't make sense.  It is not how God intended it to be.  It wasn't for my best. 

The plain truth is that sin stinks!  Another plain truth is that sin often affects everyone within a 100 mile radius. 

I was conceived out of wedlock.  In fact, I was a product of an affair between a secretary and her boss.  Oh, the boss offered to marry the pretty secretary, but the secretary knew it would never last. 

Love is depth, not passion.

The difference between the secretary and the boss is the secretary lived with her gift from their mistake.  She saw how reconciliation, forgiveness and ownership could change lives. 

It did.

It changed me.

My mother never regretted me.  She never made me feel ugly or unwanted. 

She made me feel loved and cherished. I was her precious gift amidst a tough circumstance.

My father chose to honor his family and keep his marriage intact.  That is a honorable choice, but not the right one.  From the beginning, God wanted us to choose reconciliation.  His desire has always been for all the wrongs to be made right.

My father chose a different path. 

I have always prayed for reconciliation.

So now that my father has passed away and in all intents and purposes I have had my reconciliation through a dream (see previous post), what now?

How do you grieve over a dream, over a vision, over a life that is gone? How do you honor your father?  Where do I go from here.

Well, I am only 28 hours into this process and I really can't answer those questions in my own wisdom. 

So, I went to the place of wisdom--God's holy word!

Here is a list of what God has taught me through His word in this difficult chapter of my life.

1. I should honor my father.  In this circumstance, honoring my father is to respect his wishes.  He wanted his family to be protected from the truth of my existence.  He wanted to protect them from his past. Therefore, I have chosen to leave well enough alone. I have no plans for flowers, cards or well wishes.  I did not attend the funeral. I have not ran his name across facebook and defaced who he is.

Honor your father and your mother.... Exodus 20:12

 

 

2. Regardless of the way I came about, I was created for a purpose.



 

 I am fearfully and wonderfully made...Psalm 139:14

 

3.  The only thing that can help me keep my attitude in check is the Word of God. Some days I would really like to give some people a piece of my mind!

 

For the Word of God is living and active...

it judges the thoughts and attitudes

of the heart. Hebrews 4:12

 

4.  I need to keep my thought life on the things of Christ. It would be so easy to focus on all my inadequacies and why I am not acceptable. It would also be easy to focus on what I have missed and not what I have.

 

Whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right,

 whatever is pure, whatever is lovely,

whatever is admirable--if anything is excellent

 or praiseworthy--think about such things.

Philippians 4:8

 

5. Last thing I have gleamed from Scripture is that God heals the broken hearted. He ears my cries and He and only He can fill the brokenness that has come forth because of the emptiness that not having a dad can bring.

 

You turned my wailing into dancing; you removed my sackcloth

and clothed me with joy, that my heart may sing to you

 and not be silent.  O LORD my God, I will give you thanks forever.

 Psalm 30:11-12

 





  I am so blessed that I am able to call the God of the Universe, my Abba.

... you received the Spirit of sonship. And by Him we cry Abba, Father.

Romans 8:15



In a Dream....

Last night I had one of those dreams that only God could have blessed me with.

Some background information--I do not know my father.  I have been on a journey of learning how to forgive and let go for the last 38 years.

Now back to my dream---I saw my boys playing by the river.  As I watched them play, I saw a man who oddly looks like Santa Clause playing with them.  In my mother mode, I went down to the river.  I realized it was my father.  I went to him and said I know who you are.  I am your daughter.  He immediately apologized for all my hurt and anguish.  It was moving moment.  Then I woke up.

As I journal to God this morning, I was upset that I still had more issues with my father.  I prayed for reconciliation with my father.  Then God prompted my heart to google my father. 

I was shocked. 

He was dead.

He had died this past Saturday in my hometown hospital. 

I wasn't for sure what to do.  Then the dream came to me. I praised God for reconciliation.  I also prayed for God to confirm my dream as something from Him.

As we told our sweet children of my father's passing, my adorable 3 year old yells, "He looks like Santa!"

We looked at her like she was crazy.  My father is super skinny, no facial hair, and no white hair. 

My Dad was Santa in my dream too. Those sweet words were healing to my broken heart.

To utilize words of my dear friend when I told her about incident, "Helps you to realize God is smack dab in the middle."

My prayer and heart's desire this year is that God is so miraculous in my life that I could not explain Him. 

God is granting me my heart's desire--I cannot explain this.

God's Grace

I have had a wonderful opportunity to teach a group of ladies at my home church.  The past few months, we studied the book of Galatians.  The major theme has penetrated my heart and my mind.  I can do nothing to earn salvation or good gifts.  It is freely given by a gracious God.

The other day I read Psalms 51.  I could barely get through the first verse without tears.

Some of you already know what Psalms I am talking about.  It is the Psalms of penitence that King David wrote after being convicted of having an affair and then having her husband killed.

Psalms 51:1, "Have mercy on me, O God, according to

Your unfailing love;

 according to your great compassion blot

out my transgressions."

 

I don't think we can truly accept who we are without seeing us next to a Sovereign God.  When I see what God has done for me because of His love, I am in awe of the true, living God.  You see I didn't get where I am today because I did good works.  He gave me good gifts because of His faithfulness.  He gave me the blessing of my husband and children because of who He is.  He did not give me my family because He knew I could "handle it."  He gave me a home and money in my account to take care of our large family not because I am awesome with money, but because of who He is! 

 

I am free to be who God has created me to be.  I am no longer compelled to do good works for good works sake!  I desire to read my Bible, memorize verses, tithe, teach my children and work diligently for His cause because of who He is. 

 

Seeing myself in the eyes of God keeps my attitude in check.  He is faithful. I am wishy washy at times.  He is love unconditional. I love conditionally.  He practices mercy.  I beg for mercy.  He is Sovereign.  I can only see for moments at a time. He is God and well I am not!

 

"You my brothers, were called to be free." Galatians 5:13