Growth--Is It An Option?

Today I am struggling.  I had a small little one who struggled in sleeping last night. So, I am TIRED.  However, I have been waiting to share with you a little nugget that God shared with me.  First, I had to share it with my Sunday School class. I am so excited to write out my thoughts.  I sure hope you enjoy it too!

I am presently reading 2 Corinthians.  God has spoken to me through each chapter of Corinthians.  I have been amazed at how much I have missed in my previous readings of Corinthians. 

Anyways, one verse really stood out in chapter 7 verse 1.

"Therefore, dear friends, since we have such promises,

let us cleanse ourselves from every impurity of the flesh and spirit,

completing our sanctification in the fear of God."

 

Let's break down this verse.  First, we are all friends.  We have closer friends and friends we can pal around with.  We have friends to chat about the things of God.  We are dear to each other.  Together, we make up the body of Christ.  We need to remember that we are all vital partners in our journey.  We NEED each other.  I need you and you need me.  We are friends.

 

Second, we have promises.  We have the previous promise spoken in chapter 6:16.  God will dwell in us.  He will be our God.  Next, we must cleanse ourselves from our sins.  How?  We ask for forgiveness then we make retribution as needed.  When we ask God to create a new heart within us, He is faithful (Psalm 51:10)

 

Now we are getting to the eye opening part for me.  In doing some research, I learned that "completing our sanctification in the fear of God" means that we must grow in Holiness.  It is not an option.  Once, we are "saved" then growing in holiness is not an option. Did you get that?  We must grow.  We must find ways to make spiritual growth a part of her daily life. 

 

How are you growing?  What steps are you taking?  How are you helping your children to grow? 

 

Remember it is not an option. 

 

"Mankind, He has told you what is good

and what it is the Lord requires of you:

to act justly,

to love faithfulness,

and to walk humbly with your God." Micah 6:8

 

 



2015

As I was sitting at my well loved table watching the snow come softly down, I began to listen to my Abba. He impressed upon me the deep need to write again. He has given me such a burning desire to write and share my heart and sometimes I allow my crazy life and fears to block me from sharing my heart.

He has taught volumes to me this year--mainly in this last month.  I cannot even sum up into words what my heart feels this cold January day.  I am in awe of the God who has called me His own.

As much as I am not one to write New Year's Resolutions, I do have a few that I am challenged to accomplish.  I would like to blog at least twice a week.  I have several blog posts that I feel compelled to write and share.  So, grab your warm drink, your fuzzy slippers, and let us encourage one another.

I am starting this year with a renewed desire to write what God has taught me.  How will you begin your year?  What are your goals this year?

I'M BAAAAACCCCCKKKKK -Kaleb

Hey everybody, sorry that I haven’t been on in a while. Life has been crazy, but I enjoyed every minute of it. Now that we have the pleasantries out of the way, let’s get down to business.


Ok so has anybody else had a moment like this?


I’m going to bed and its midnight. Since the little ones are asleep, I didn’t want to risk turning the light on in my bedroom and waking them. As I’m getting ready to exercise before I go to bed (It helps my body loosen up so easier to relax), I hear rattle, rattle, rattle. I’ve seen animal planet and I had a rattlesnakes rattle.

So I knew that sound.

I look down at my feet and something is coming at me!!!

So I do what any other brave teenager would do...I scale my ladder and hide on my brother’s bed.

I look down and there it is moving back and forth, back and forth. So I’m trying to hit the light switch, but I don’t want to touch the floor. RIGHT??!?!?

So I reach my long legs down the bed and try and hit the light switch with my foot.

Then my brother Joshua comes in, and turns on the light. 

Joshua says, “Hey that’s my bed!!!”

All I’m thinking is “Yeah, he turned on the light!”

As I look over the bed, I see what was chasing me....a balloon.

Oh, I felt so stupid. I know that once I tell this story, I’m never going to hear the end of it.

But I couldn’t let it just sit in my brain and collect dust.

I have to go now; I have to go search my room for any more balloons.


Until next time, see ya!

The Pain is Still There

I really shouldn't be writing a blog.  I should be wrapping presents for my son Stephen.  He is turning eight tomorrow. Yet, I am pondering my day. 

It started like any other day except I had a pep in my step.  I was getting things done this morning.  Then I ventured out of my home to go and purchase birthday gifts for my sweet son.  I went to a clothing store to pick up an outfit and that is when it all began.

A lady was in the store picking up two onsies.  One was for a little boy that said, "I love Mommy."  The other onsie was for a little girl that said, "I love Daddy."  She began to talk how she was having twins with her boyfriend.  The babies are due in October. 

UGH!

I became angry immediately.  I was frustrated that God gave someone else twins who wasn't even married.  My heart broke at my selfishness. 

I repented. 

Then I began to ask God what should I want for her.  How can I love someone who has something that I also had--once?

I remembered what God's Word said about your enemies.  Now, the lady was not my enemy.  I don't even know her name.  However, praying for someone makes your heart change. I needed a changed heart and attitude. So, I began to pray for the girl and her pregnancy.  I prayed that she would seek God and have a salvation experience.  I prayed for healthy babies.

I prayed that my heart would truly heal.  I begged God to redeem my situation and pain.

Just a few moments later--as I walked out of the mall, I saw another set of twins (boy/girl).  They were probably around 15 months old.  I smiled and said a prayer for them too!

If that was not enough....

I took my boys to their sport's practice tonight.  As I set at the table and fed my children, a lady game into the building pushing a stroller with twin newborns.  They were boy and girl too! 

At this moment, I began to ask God if He was trying to tell me something. 

A little later in the evening I was talking to Kaleb about my experiences today and he asked if God was telling me something.  At that moment, I looked up and saw a shirt that said 'Faith.' 

A little background information...we planned to name our twins Faith and Josiah.  When we lost the twins, Mark didn't believe that the babies we lost were the twins God gave him in a vision.  So, we kept the names of Josiah and Faith for the future (if there is a future.)

So, when I saw the name Faith after Kaleb's question I believed that God is asking me to have faith and believe Him for a great miracle.

Here I wait...again. 

In the waiting--I will trust God.  I will believe God.  I will praise God.  I will seek God.

"Now Faith is being sure of what

we hope for and certain of what we do not see."

Hebrews 11:1

Answers to the Top 7 Questions

I have been asked several good questions lately.  I thought I would share the questions and answer them to the best of my ability.

1. Why tell everyone early? Mark and I both believe that life begins at conception.  We also believe that God creates all life.  Therefore, telling everyone early validates the life of our child regardless of how long that child is with us on earth.

When you send your Spirit, they are created,

and you renew the face of the earth.

Psalms 104:30

 

2. Why have more children?  Mark and I both believe that God has asked us to trust Him in all our ways and He will make our paths straight.  (Paraphrased from Proverbs 3: 5-6)We both believe that God has the best plan for our family and that His love is greater for us than we could ever imagine.  When we decided to give God our fertility, I had no idea that also meant to accept death. However, it is in my 5 losses that I have seen God work mightily in my life.  To give God our fertility doesn't mean we will have many kids.  It means we  will give Him our hearts and desires and accept His best for us which sometimes includes brokenness.

 

See now that I myself am He!

There is no God besides me.  I put to death and

I bring to life.  I have wounded and I will

heal, and no one can deliver out of my hand.

Deuteronomy 32:39

 

3. How are you?  I am physically healing very nicely from the loss of twins.  Emotionally I have my moments.  However, I do have a peace and joy.  I also have hope that God will use Malachi and Mercy's life for His glory.

 

4. Do you know what caused the miscarriage? We do not know what has caused the miscarriage.  We trust that God has a plan and that His grace will be sufficient for our need of knowledge.

 

5. How do you know it was twins? The ultrasound showed two sacs.  I also had many dreams and a huge hunch it was boy/girl twins. 

 

6. What should I say to someone who has suffered a loss through miscarriage?  I could give you a list of what not to say.  The most valid point to make with someone who has lost a baby through miscarriage is to validate their loss.  It is a life that is gone.  A dream that is dead.  An ache that cannot be filled by another child.  It is a hole in their heart.  It is a taste of reality that our home is not here on earth.  Let the person grieving know that it is okay to be sad and to cry. 

 

7. How are Mark and the children? Mark is a very strong man who understands how this loss affects him and his family.  He has grieved with me.  He has clung to Scripture and he has led his family to trust God above all things seen.  He has handled it very well. 

 

The children have also handled their grief well.  They have cried, been angry and rejoiced.  They can't wait to get to heaven to meet their 5 other brothers and sisters.

 

Well, hopefully that has answered most of every ones' questions.  If not, you are welcome to submit your question. 

 

Blessings,

               Susan

 

 



An Emptiness

An emptiness exist.  It won't go away.  I count my children, yet someone is missing.  We sit to watch tv and it seems as though a few have gone away.  My arms always empty.  My heart always aching.  My mind always wishing.

Then like a ton of bricks it hits me.  Maybe I will always feel like someone is missing because 5 special someones are missing.  Our life will never be the same.  My loss is to remind me that my home is not in this place.  The blessing of my loss is learning the realness of who God is. 

I absolutely love this song.  It was written and performed by a group called Watermark. 

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=e01hk1BRYqM


Blessings, Susan

A Message of Compassion

I must forewarn you.  This is a post where I walk you down the road of miscarriage with me.  It will not be an easy walk, but a walk that will be well worth your time.

We found out we were pregnant with our 9th pregnancy on January 30th.  Mark and I were so excited!  He could barely hold in his excitement!  We told our children and they were jumping with glee (as well as ones with a yucky stomach virus could jump)!

Mark and I both believe that life begins at conception.  We also believe very strongly that every life has purpose regardless of how long they live.  Therefore, we tell everyone we are pregnant from the beginning because we want the life of our child to be validated.  Sometimes it is really hard to be transparent.  This is one of those times.  By the time we told everyone we were pregnant, we had lost our sweet babies.  Yet, God still had a purpose for my sweet babies.

Now back to the journey....

Shortly after I found we were pregnant I began to have dreams that we were having twins. I began to accept the hunch that we were having twins.  I even told my doctor, children, husband and friends. 

As time went by symptoms of my pregnancy didn't increase.  Then I began think that I was going to have a miscarriage.  I began to quote Scripture and pray for God to be BIG.  In times that I do not know how to pray, I always pray for God to be BIG!  God told me in my spirit that He was going to be BIG through this situation.  He said to my spirit that He was going to do something no human could explain.  I held onto that truth because that truth is my life line!

A few days later I began to spot.  I am so grateful God allowed Mark to be home before I had to go to the hospital.  At the hospital, we found out that we did indeed have 2 sacs.  Sadly, neither one of them had a heartbeat.  I knew that we had lost our babies...again.  I began to cry.  When we received my blood test results of the HCG level, hormone made while pregnant,  it was low.  So, we knew for sure
 that God had our sweet babies.

That night I cried all night long.  I would wake up and I would be crying in my sleep.  I ached for my babies.  When Mary-Elizabeth woke up that night and came to my bed, I held her tightly.

The tough part was yet to come.  We had to tell our children and our family.  There is no easy way of telling people that you have lost your babies. 

The Children were extremely sad.  They didn't want anymore siblings in heaven.  They had 3 previous to this loss. 

On Monday, Mark and I decided to pray for a miracle.  We knew that it would take faith.  Faith would mean opening ourselves up to grieving all over again.  So, I prayed a very powerful, heart felt prayer.  I prayed for God to heal my babies. I also prayed that if he chose not to heal them then he needed to take care of my heart.  I was choosing to "Be still and know that He is God."

Tuesday came and we went back to my doctor.  My doctor told me that we probably lost our babies.  He did some blood work to confirm and would call me later on in the day. 

Mark and I decided to pick out some Willow tree babies for our shelf.  We also decided to celebrate the lives of our babies.  We celebrated their birth in heaven.  We celebrated the fact that we will be able to see them again.  We celebrated the fact that all they know is perfect love.

We named our twins Mercy and Malachi. I always thought they were boy/girl twins. Malachi means my messenger and Mercy means compassion.  Together they are God's message to me of His compassion.

When you stop to look at the situation and ask the "WHY" question, you get a few glimpses into who God is.  God also lost His son to a most terrible pain--the sin of the world.  God freely gave up his son for me.  God knows pain.  He knows heartache.  He just knows.  He knows my pain.  He knows my heart.  He will fight for me if ONLY I give up to Him. 

My prayer for God to protect my heart came through with an peace and joy.  I rejoiced in the fact that my twins are safe. I have a peace that God has a plan for me too.  My prayer now is that God will use my pain for His glory.

I am praying for healing.  I am praying for God to be HUGE!

The Lord  will fight for you;

you need only to be still.

Exodus 14: 14