Temper Tantrums

Lately, I have been in a really bad mood. It doesn’t make sense. I have a wonderful husband, children and a brand new house. The only thing I can think of that is the seed of this temper tantrum is my Savior calling me to step out again and trust Him. And for lack of a better way to describe it…I am throwing a fit. Not a screaming, kicking fit…a silent one…a sit in if you may.

The other day I took the boys into Cracker Barrel to eat dinner. A storm began to blow in and I didn’t have our luggage rack suitcases wrapped in their rainproof gear. So, I allowed the kids to go to the bathroom and look around and then we took off. Well, my sweet 5 year old didn’t like that answer and decided he would just sit in front of the door and not go with me. You can only imagine how I felt. He didn’t trust my judgement or the severity of the storm. He didn’t want to leave yet he wasn’t done doing “playing.” Basically, he wanted his very own way.

Hmmmm….it sounds like he might be taking after his mother. In reality, I don’t want to do what God is calling me to do….I want my own way. I want to have all the perks and none of the pain. Yet, it is the pain that I seem to grow the best.

So, this is my official way of trying to end my temper tantrum and share it with my few followers. I am gonna ask God to help me let go and start embracing what He has in store for me. I will try let the tears flow when they come and let the laughter rock the house when it comes.

I guess you can say I am all done sitting in front of the door of progress. I am ready to get up and trust God through those doors and into the thunderous storm that may or may not come my way.

Warning: This post may make you cry....

So, we are in the last few days with Mark. Soon, he will pack his duffel bag with hot weather gear and head for a place beyond the ocean. We have been trying to get prepared for such a journey. His journey into a new country and our journey living without Dad.

We have several preparations to do before Mark makes his final lift off. We have clothing to buy, bags to get, phone calls to make, final questions to be answered, etc. However, one of the most important things to do is to give the boys something special from Daddy.

One of the coping mechanisms we used while Mark was gone before was a special stuff animal. It was quite successful with my two oldest children. So, we are trying it again. When the boys miss their dad they can hug their new stuff animal and remember how much their Dad loves them.

We didn't want just any animal we wanted a special animal. We walked by Build A Bear and we qualified for a special discount; therefore, it was almost a done deal. Now to choose the special animal, make it, and dress the animal in their special outfit.

Mary-Elizabeth was easy. We found a very special flowery bunny. She is precious and ME loves her too. It was moving to see Mark work with Mary-Elizabeth in building her bunny. My daughter no longer looked like a baby, but a toddler in her Daddy's arm.

Joshua chose a Army bear with an Army tent. It fits his passion in life and is a perfect symbol of his Dad. Joshua decided he didn't need clothes for his bear because he was already camouflaged. So, he opted for the Army Tent. Precious moments watching him set up the tent and carefully put his stuffed animals in it.

Stephen chose a bunny so that Joshua's bunny wouldn't be all alone. Fits Stephen's personality to always include others. However, his bunny is spectacular because he sports a Star Wars outfit. His bunny is Bunny Skywalker. Mark wanted to call him O' Bunny Kinobi. Stephen, being a true Luke Skywalker fan, wouldn't have it.

Kaleb chose a dog. Anyone who knows Kaleb knows that he desires to have a dog. A dog is companionship and responsibility rolled up in one for him. He also opted for a dog house instead of clothes. It was a weird feeling watching him put his own toys together. Some days I forget how old he is.

Micah's animal is the sweetest. I call Micah my "Monkey." Mark calls Micah his "Tiger." Mark found a Tiger for Micah and we knew that was the animal for him. So, Micah got a tiger in honor of his Daddy's nickname. I know that as time comes my eyes will be moist as I watch Micah cuddle his Tiger and remember how Mark calls Micah his "Tiger" and smiles. Micah doesn't totally get it now, but someday that Tiger will mean the world to him. Because goodness knows "Tiger" means the world to his Daddy as well as the other bunch of animals we have roaming around here.

So, here is to the beginning of God's new plan for us. A place where tears and laughter will intermix. A place where I will realize how strong I really can be. A place where every breath I take will be dependent upon the God of the universe. A place of peace that God has orchestrated for my family.

A Rambling Random Post

Throughout this trip I have thought about various things that I wanted to share with my closest friends. So, to stop the insane amount of facebook status overloads I have been saving them for such a post.

• I bought my first tank top bikini bottom swim suit. It has been the best investment. I could give you several reasons. However, the main reason is I can now nurse and not "feel" like I have to totally undress. Oh, what freedom I have found. Sadly, it only took me 5 kids to invest in such swim suit.


• Mary-Elizabeth is swimming with water wings. She is so cute. I love to see her move around the pool with such ease. Not certain where she has gotten her love for swimming, but I will take it.


• Kaleb and Joshua has both began jumping in the pool doing flips. They have both braved up in the last few weeks of swimming.


• The more we swim the more freckles I get per my children. FYI, I wear 50 spf. Yep, I am too old to burn.


• We added to our extended Proctor clan this past week. Mark's cousin's wife had a baby girl Paige. Her pictures show that she has kept up the Proctor tradition and comes out of the womb beautifully perfect. I hope to see that sweet little one.


• Micah was terrified of the water. It didn't help that he almost drowned once and fell into the hot tub once. He is now swimming all over the pool with his swim vest and "wing floaties." It has opened up my enjoyability of the pool to have him enjoy our daily pool time.


• Stephen is quite a fish too. He can swim all over the pool without any swim helpers, but he almost drowned on my watch. So, in fear he wears his swim vest and plays games with his brothers.


• The humidity here in Florida is absolutely crazy. Little girl sweats regularly. Her curls are really cute though!

Alright I guess that is enough rambling for now...Enjoy!

Forever Home

Along with embarking upon a new journey in the area of occupation, we have also embarked upon finding a permanent home. Gone are the days of moving from one rent house to another. Gone are the days of thinking we should keep that box it will pack my _____ very well. Gone are the days of moving here and there. My forever dream is coming true. Never ever have I stayed in a house for more than 3 years in my life time. This new home that we are presently building will be my forever home.

This particular house is not a headache it is a joy. It has been an overwhelming, joyful task to pick out carpet, vinyl, exterior paint, etc.. We were blessed to be able to pick out the largest lot and see our house go from a dream to reality within weeks.

I received pictures yesterday of my home and I fell in love. I can't believe that God is gracing Mark and I along with our 5 children with such a large, beautiful home. I am so excited about decorating it and making memories in my forever home. The boys have all picked out their decor. We have a room where the Force will be strong and in another room heroes are abundant. We are all so excited to get moved in and began our creation.

It will take time to get everything just like we love it, but in time our house will become our FOREVER home. So, yes we are finally getting rid of all those boxes and calling it quits on moving. We are now forever Home-at least on this side of Heaven.

Every good and perfect gift comes from God.

Trip vs Vacation

Lately, I have been debating this in my head. Many think we are on vacation, but I am not convinced.

Vacation to me is when one relaxes and lets go of all the normal jobs. My spa day was a perfect illustration of a vacation. I changed no diapers, disciplined no child, nor did I fix anyone a snack. It was a day that I relaxed and "worried" only about myself. Now, I couldn't do this for long periods of time because it isn't in my nature. In fact, when I saw cups left out I had to fight the urge to not "clean" up. Taking care of my family is my job and I actually enjoy it most days. Yet, the day at the spa provided a relaxed atmosphere which allowed me to rejuvenate before moving. It allowed me to vacate...vacation at its finest.

Now, that brings me to today. We are presently on a trip. We have traveled to Florida with Mark to be with him while he trains for his next position. This experience is a trip. I have to literally "work" at having fun for the kids. For example, yesterday the kids an I went to the beach. It was stinkin hot and the water was warm too. So, cooling down was not an option. It took me over an hour to get all our gear and lunches made to go out to the beach in a cost effective manner. Than it took another 30 min. searching for an umbrella for the beach, which we never found. So, then we went to the beach and ate our sandy lunches. Afterwards, I put sun screen on everyone and that took another 20 min. Then I proceeded to nurse the baby and then we could go out to the water area....oh wait nope I must change a diaper. So, after all that I tracked to the ocean with my hands full of babies, toys, and towels. I played in the water for 5 min. with my little ones and decided to capture this moment on film. So, back up to the car I ran-the sand was hot. As I went back down to the water front and captured my beautiful children on film, I received a phone call from Mark. He was done and needed to be picked up. He needed to run errands quickly to put out his own fires. So now we have spent all of 30 min. at the beach and in the water. Now, here comes the fun part. I had to hussle my children back up to the pavilion to rinse them off and get them into the van. It probably took another 20-30 min. So, yes this a trip..a place where Momma works hard to make sure her small children enjoy their surroundings.

Some may ask was it worth it....you bet it was! I saw smiles, heard giggles, and saw life reenter my children. Plus we saw jumping fish, schools of fish, and a large ship.

Who could have asked for a better "trip"?

Random

Just a few random things going through my head.

• I had my first spa day. It might have spoiled me.
• Mark is gone for several days. Movers come in 30 hours and I feel like I am two weeks behind.
• Mary-Elizabeth has a horrible cough tonight and I think I might loose a bit of sleep over it.
• Tomorrow I will make coffee for one and realize that this is my "new" life. It will make me look forward to making coffee for two.
• I made my to do list and realized that being focused is not my strong point this week.
• My hair was cut today and I like it.
• Kaleb was extra sweet tonight. He stayed up with me to help me clean up some areas of our home.
• I tried booking a hotel tonight for next week and realized that most of the hotels have no vacancies.
• Joshua doesn't like his dad away and asked for me to stay close to him. So sweet to have my 8 year old hold my hand.
• Stephen's smile can still melt my heart and get him out of trouble.
• Micah is still very passionate, but is completely crazy about loving on me and his sister. Sometimes love hurts.
• I took all 5 kids to the mall and we bought the rest of our summer clothes. I even made them go bathing suit shopping with me. Too much fun! We did have a successful day though. All kids did make it back home in once piece.
• Alright, I need to go to bed so that I may get up and take the kids to church.

12 Reasons I Love Mark

Tomorrow Mark and I will celebrate 12 beautiful years together. I am extremely blessed to be married to him. So, in honor of my husband I would like to write 12 reasons I love Mark!

1. I love Mark because he lets me sleep without condemnation when I really need it.

2. I love Mark because his smile melts my heart.

3. I love Mark because he puts me first.

4. I love Mark because he cooks really well.

5. I love Mark because he gives great foot massages!

6. I love Mark because he gives me the greatest hugs and kisses.

7. I love Mark because he gave me 5 wonderful children.

8. I love Mark because he loves Jesus with all his heart.

9. I love Mark because he supports me in all of "my callings."

10. I love Mark because he is passionate about teaching our boys.

11. I love Mark because he tenderly dances with our daughter.

12. I love Mark because through the rough waters or the calm waters he is always committed to working this thing out and whole heartily loving me through the process.