Family of Warriors

10 Things I miss about my husband Mark

2011-07-09T19:12:00.002-05:00

I am not really good at telling my husband how great he is. Nor do I tell him all the ways I miss him. Yet, I do. I really do miss him. He is the love of my life. He is my dream come true. He has been terribly missed.

In celebrating our last week without him, I thought he deserved a post. Of course, I am good at lists. Here is a list of the 10 things I miss about my husband (in no special order.)

1. I miss the way he jumps in and helps with all sorts of things.
2. I miss the way he looks at me from across the room with a smirk on his face.
3. I miss how he makes coffee for me everyday.
4. I miss the comfort he brings when I am blue.
5. I miss the way he cleans up icky messes without batting an eye or gagging.
6. I miss him praying with our family for meal times.
7. I miss our early morning talks of how God is working in our lives.
8. I miss his pancakes.
9. I miss holding his hand.
10. I miss staying up late with him and watching grown up movies.

Basically, I just miss all of him.

Rain

2011-07-08T11:20:00.002-05:00

Most of us are in need of rain. Our land is parched. Fires and dangers are overtaking our lands. Crops are destroyed. Homes have been ruined. Lives have been forever altered. We are crying out to God for some relief.

Recently, God has been answering our prayers and we have been getting our daily showers where I live. I am so glad. My yard is greener. My checkbook is fuller. My home is cooler. My spirit is renewed. My senses are at peace with the sights and sounds of the thunder, lightening, and dark rolling clouds.

This morning I started contemplating how the rain as renewed the earth and me. What if we treated God's word like the refresher rain is to the earth? What if I looked to His word to replenish my Soul like rain does? Just like the grass I would grow. My love bank would be full and the words of my mouth would be a sound of love. Inside I would be beautiful as radiant light just like the lightening.

Yes, God's word is the rain I needed today.

Create in me a pure heart, O God,

and renew a steadfast

spirit within me.

Ps. 51: 10

Just some thoughts...

2011-07-08T09:10:00.002-05:00

Lately, God has been speaking to my spirit.

He is telling me that my focus is off. I am so concerned about making it through the day that I am forgetting the purpose of my day. Sometimes, I just want to escape in my head....it is quiet there you see. It has no crisis....like the dog messing on the carpet or ME wetting herself and the carpet as she came and told me. Yet, living doesn't happen in the escapes. Living happens in the day to day grime of life. Each moment is to be embraced. Each moment needs to be cherished and looked upon as teachable. Here I am with the chaos of the morning. Yes, my dog decided the carpet is a lot like the green grass outside. Yes, my son has had 2 meltdowns. Yes, I have been asked about a dozen questions already. Yet, I am looking at my children as if they are the priority and that everything else is the distraction. Thank you Michelle Duggar for allowing God to use you to help refocus me.

Kaleb Mother's Day Poem 2011

2011-05-08T20:43:00.003-05:00

Your love is like the air, it stays with me no matter where I go.

It's sweet like ice cream.

It's warm like a blanket.

It's soft like a dog's fur.

And your heart is as big as the Universe.

Thankful for my Mom Today

2011-05-08T20:34:00.002-05:00

* I am grateful God gave me to my Mom.

*I am thankful for my Mom's transparency about her life.

*My Mom knew how to laugh.

*My Mom taught me how to forgive.

*She taught me the importance of knowing Scripture during tough times.

*My Mom chose life for me instead of aborting me.

*My mom never met a stranger-she loved everyone.

*She always loved me.

*She was always proud of me.

*She taught me how to "fight" for my family effectively. She was my biggest prayer warrior.

To God be the glory for loving me enough to give me my Momma even if it was for a short period of time.

The Journey to a Grateful Heart...

2011-05-03T13:08:00.004-05:00

*Listening to my son, Joshua, belt out his heart in song at church.

*Kaleb smiling at me from across the sanctuary at church.

*Long talks with friends.

*Mary-Elizabeth playing with my hair for the first time.

*Topical steroid ointments, zyrtec, and other sorts that keep the itch away.

*Meals already planned.

*Unexpected love emails from my Prince.

*Stephen teaching his younger brother how to play.

*Kitchen cabinets cleaned off.

*Full body hugs and giggles from my sweet teddy bear Micah.

*Empty dishwashers.

*School room table cleaned off.

*Laying on the couch with my family and watching movies.

*Unexpected checks.

My heart leaps for joy

and I will give thanks

to Him in song.

Ps. 28:7b

Gratitude Awakens

2011-04-27T15:23:00.002-05:00

*Thankful for a laptop computer so that I may sit in my most comfy chair and chat with my husband.

*Thankful that the baby inside me is doing well and that he/she is measuring correctly.

*Thankful for nap time---quiet time in my otherwise very loud home.

*Thankful for an abundant amount of hugs and kisses from all my children.

*Thankful for breakfast family devotionals that end up convicting me.

*Thankful for peace and prosperity in my walk with God.

*Thankful that my devoted husband lavishes his love to me from far distances.

*Thankful for being renewed today by friendships missed.

*Thankful to be in the second trimester.

*Thankful to have a new outlook.

The Journey of Gratitude Continues...

2011-04-15T18:51:00.004-05:00

109. Thankful that I have been able to send my hubby 3 packages in the last week. One for stuff he needed. One for our Anniversary that will be this Monday. And the last one was for Easter.

110. ME has dropped her bottle...yay!

111. ME took her first nap in her crib today. She slept for about an hour and a half.

112. I ate comfort food tonight--meatloaf, potatoes and green beans-one of my Mom's favorites.

113. God showed me what is wrong with my sweet son Micah and how to handle the issue at hand.

114. Cuddle time on the couch has been super sweet as I have been feeling bad.

115. I finally had the energy to dust my entertainment center with more than a swifter.

116. Stephen has been saying the sweetest things to me and coming up to me for kisses and hugs.

117. Having 2 children ill makes one slow down.

118. As I was doing ME's hair today, she combed her doll's hair. Pretty special moment.

119. Yesterday, I was able to supervise Kaleb while he made banana nut bread. I am so glad I have a son who loves to cook.

120. My husband calls me religiously everyday two times a day. I am grateful that he deems me important enough to call me on his busy days.

121. Joshua has really loved playing outside on our playground. His enthusiasm helps to encourage all the children to play outside.

Loneliness

2011-04-12T18:59:00.003-05:00

*Warning...this is like a journal entry. My blog for now will be utilized in a way for me to communicate my heart.*

My soul cries out.

My soul yearns for one more thing.

As I search my heart and allow God to refine me, I am faced with some harsh realities. Sadly the reality is about me and it is producing a new perspective on life. As I began this journey, I noticed quite quickly that some changes were needed. I believe with all my heart that these changes were going to be painful. No doubt that it is going to hurt to the core of my being, but in the end it will be worth it.

As I ponder these harsh realities, I am asking myself some questions.

Who really knows me?

Who do I allow to know my heart?

What do I readily share?

What is the purpose of my friendships?

How do I get renewed?

I came to the conclusion that I can be in a room full of people and yet feel alone. It isn't that I don't believe I have friends...it is just the closeness that I am yearning . I miss praying with my friends. I miss the accountability of friends. I miss being sharpened by friends. I miss their encouragement.

So, as I sit at my computer and contemplate life, I have decided that life for now will be lonely for this outgoing girl.. I need time to heal. I need time to refocus. I need time to restructure my thoughts. In short, I just need time...that is what this sabbatical is all about. A time to heal my heart.

Time for a Break

2011-04-12T15:17:00.004-05:00

I decided earlier this year that I was going to take a break from teaching Bible study this summer. It makes me quite sad at times, but I know the rest is needed. I completely enjoy teaching sweet ladies about God. It is my passion in life and most times I am astonished the way God uses the studies to teach me. It is an awesome pleasure of watching ladies' lives changed in some phenomenal ways.

But lately I noticed some issues. It may just be pregnancy or maybe I allowed some of the gossip about me to get to my heart. Regardless, I know that God is calling me to rest in Him. I need to refocus and rejuvenate myself through spending time with God. My desire is to see what He wants for me and what I need to work on in the coming months.

So, you might be asking why am I telling you this? In short, I want the accountability. My ladies kept me accountable. I do not want to grow lazy. I want to stay fresh and revived. I want a fresh wind Spiritually. I yearn to listen to God and to share it just differently. I am choosing to blog what God is teaching me.

So, are you ready for the journey. I think it is going to be fun.

Now to plan where to start....hmmmm....

A Poem

2011-03-29T19:59:00.002-05:00

Roses are Red

Violets are Blue

Proctor baby Number 6

Will make a fall debut!

My Journey to One Thousand Gifts...

2011-03-17T20:13:00.002-05:00

So, lately things are a bit dreary around here. Mark is gone for his 4 month deployment and the kids and I have had the fevers and snot junk. To say in the least my attitude has not been the best. To combat the "bad" attitude I am going to give God the sacrifice of thanks. I am following Ann Vankamp's book One Thousand Gifts. I strongly suggest it to all my friends. It will change your life and your perspective.

102. Little girl listening to music and dancing.

103. Micah's full body hug at midnight.

104. Sweet friends visiting from afar.

105. A fb chat with an old friend.

106. Snow cones on a cool day.

107. Phone calls from the love of my life.

108. Little boys who can ride faster because their bikes are new.

I feel better already.

Thinking Out Loud

2011-01-27T23:00:00.006-06:00

So, I have been contemplating some deep questions lately. One of the most prevalent question on my heart is what would my response be if I knew something tragic would happen in 6 months. Tragic events in this case would be loss of a child or Mark. It could even be severe damage by a disease or accident to myself or immediate family.

I think my initial response would be extreme despair. I would cry and beg God to change His mind. I would probably make some physical changes too. I would sit with my child until he/she fell asleep every night. I wouldn't homeschool any longer. Our days would be filled with fun and memory making activities.

If I was loosing Mark, I would probably cater to his every desire. I would want him to tell me his dreams for each child. I would write his wisdom down for our children to learn from in years to come. I would embrace every hug and kiss completely differently.

In essence, I think I would embrace life more fully. Recently a young man was told he had 6 months to live. His response is telling anyone and everyone who will listen about the saving grace of God.

I would hope my response would be the same.

Sadly, God's Word is very clear that we will have many troubles in this world. Thankfully, God has also said that He has overcome this world. So, I guess at some point in time we will all have a tragedy that will come into our lives at some point in time.

As I get older, I realize the only real true thing in life is God. It is God that get me through each obstacle. It is God who comforts me through the night. It is God's Word that is alive and active in me that makes the attitude change...not the situation. My hopes is that I can prepare now for the sorrows later. I want to memorize His word and be grateful daily for His provisions. I want to have something to grasp onto in my deepest despair.

In contemplating this situation, maybe the real response to any grief should always be to fall in love with Jesus way before the sorrow comes my way.

Gratitude...

2011-01-27T12:55:00.004-06:00

I am about to embark upon a book and I have no doubts that I will be sharing this book with you. However, on a recent blog I read how the author Ann Vokskamp challenges the reader to write a 1000 things you are thankful for.

WOW!

So, I am going to start my list. My goal is to share a portion of my list with you each week.

1. I am thankful for a lap top. My lap top makes chatting on fb, writing blogs and balancing my checking account easier than ever before.
2. I am thankful that my husband has a passion for loving me through bathing our small children.
3. I am thankful that Mark desires to read to our children from books that will increase their character.
4. I am thankful for the sunshine that warms my body on cool winter days.
5. I am thankful for cell phones. Without a cell phone, I would be tied to my home waiting for Mark to call me while he is out of country.
6. I am thankful for Beth Moore. She has taught me volumes concerning the Word of God.
7. I am thankful for Kaleb eagerly going to get the mail even in the snow.
8. I am thankful for having this opportunity to blog my thoughts and journal the lives of my children.
9. I am thankful that ME loves for me to snuggle next to her while she falls asleep.
10. I am thankful for Stephen's contagious smile.
11. I am thankful to have a close friend and have the freedom to say what I think and feel without the fear of judgement.
12. I am thankful for Micah's sweet words of encouragement.
13. I am thankful that Joshua has a desire to do right regardless of the peer pressure that surrounds him.
14. I am thankful that I can home educate my children. I love watching them find success.
15. I am thankful that my Mom taught me about Jesus and showed me a genuine love for Him.
16. I am thankful that my sister calls me several times a week.
17. I am thankful that my brother and sister in law are faithful to fb. I love hearing the antics of my sweet niece and nephew.
18. I am thankful that strangers became family through a bond of true agape love.
19. I am thankful that today is a lazy day.
20. I am thankful that my heart soars when I hear my husband's ring tone.

So, will you take the gratitude challenge? Join me and let's tackle the Monster of Negativity.

"Be joyful always; pray continually;

give thanks in all circumstances, for this

is God's will for you in Christ Jesus."

1 Thessalonians 5: 16-18

A Letter to My Momma

2011-01-24T13:38:00.005-06:00

On Tuesday the 25th of January, we will mourn the fact that my Mom has been dead for 3 years. Or should I say we are celebrating the fact that my Mom has been in Heaven for 3 years. Grief is delicate and hard. Some days I feel like celebrating and rejoicing, but on other days I yearn for one more phone call.

So, today I am going to write my Mom a letter. I hope to convey my heart to her and her beautiful soul to you.

My Sweet Momma,

You have been gone for 3 years, but at times it feels as raw as yesterday. I wish so many times that I could pick up the phone and talk with you and tell you my thoughts. I would tell you how much ME reminds me of you. She absolutely loves clothes and purses. She has your hair and when she wakes up it looks just like yours (insert laughter). She loves to play with her babies and she is extremely stubborn. I wish you were here to watch her grow up with me.

I would tell you that Kaleb has your smile and your generosity. As he grows, I see the imprint you have had in his life.

Joshua has your passion for sports. He loves to watch football. He would definitely sit with you through the whole thing. He has a natural talent too. I wish we could sit and watch one more Cowboy game together even if they are losing.

Stephen has your analytical brain. He can figure anything out. He is very "mechanical." The other day I heard hims say, "Lefty loosy--righty tighty." He is great with numbers and figuring out all that stuff. I know that his smile would melt your heart in moments.

Micah is definitely you. He is so stubborn. He thinks he knows what is best. I know this quality would suit him well someday just like it did you. I just pray I make it through his formative years. You would definitely get a kick out of him as he "explains" his way. I can still hear you taking the sides of your grand babies.

Momma, I never told you how proud I am of you. I really did not understand all your sacrifices and all your strength until Mark left recently for his 4 month deployment. So many times I wanted to tell you how amazed I am at your strength.

Thank you Momma for being a woman of character and a pillar of strength. Thank you for sharing Jesus with me because without Him I don't know if I could have handled the last 3 years. Thank you for being real with me about your failures and your successes....it helps to know that it gets better. Your wisdom astounds me to this day. Many of your witty statements come to my mind as I write this letter...all of them true and all of them useful at some point in time.

I guess what I really want to say is thank you for letting me be your daughter. Thank you for teaching me to be who God created me to be. I can't wait until we meet again and can sit under a tree near that crystal sea and talk face to face. Oh what a day that will be! Until then-thank you for those reminders of how much you love me.

Love and Miss You,

Susan

*Just in case you were wondering. The picture is of my Mom and Kaleb in 1999.

Bloggers Block

2011-01-17T15:58:00.002-06:00

I really don't know what is wrong. I am at a lost of words. Or maybe I am at a lost on how to put the words on paper. Everything I write seems cynical. I know in my heart that it is not my plan, but the words are typed out and I am not impressed. I want my blog to breathe life into others. I want readers to walk away and be one step closer to the heart of God. I want to be real. I want to be who I am and not be afraid of others. I desire to share my heart with others, in hopes of providing hope in any situation.

Yet....

I am standing in my kitchen and listening to my sweet family giggle and scream (out of sure happiness). They are playing and having a great time. Yet, I am wordless.

Hoping the block goes away soon.

New Year's Resolution

2011-01-01T13:01:00.002-06:00

I have been thinking about what I want to do differently this year. This is the time of year to reflect and make changes. So, in hopes of holding myself accountable with all of my wonderful readers, I am sharing the desires of my heart.

I want to play and be with my children (outside of schooling) daily. I want to connect with each of them in a way that lets them know how much I love each of them.

I want to get out of debt. I want to save money. I want to buy a van that fits our family. I want to honor God with the money He has given us.

I want to be disciplined in my daily times with God. I want to be faithful with what I have. I want to work out and be physically fit. I want to be humble. I want to seek God's approval and not mans (this will be hard.)

I want to love my husband the way he receives love. I want to laugh often, pray continuously, and listen intently.

I want to be joyful amidst the circumstances of 2011. I want to point others to Christ in a more loving way.

My desire for 2011 is to embrace the moments. What is your desire? Where are you heading? Can we journey together? Looking forward in sharing in the coming weeks more of what God is teaching me.

The Magic of Christmas

2010-12-16T11:44:00.003-06:00

I recently heard Lisa Welchel discuss her new book Adventures in Christmas. She talked about embracing the moments of Christmas and seeing Jesus in all things Christmas. I can't wait to read her book. Her discussion that morning made my mind began to twirl with the idea of Christmas and it's magic .

The magic of Christmas is hurrying to my mailbox to see all the Christmas cards. We can't wait to laugh at the the people dressed up as reindeer, to adore the new additions, and to praise God for the miracles of the year.

The magic of Christmas is in the beautiful wrapped packages and bright lights that make us all "feel" like young children again. It is about the yard full of lighted displays that get the oooohhhh and aaaahhhhh.

The magic of Christmas is in watching the same Christmas movies every season and laughing at the same "funny" parts. It is about crying at the Hallmark movies as they come to a story book conclusion.

The magic of Christmas is lingering under the mistletoe with the one you adore.

The magic of Christmas is celebrated with parties, caroling, homemade candy, and genuine human kindness.

The magic of Christmas brings laughter, smiles and 'Merry Christmas' by strangers.

The magic of Christmas is desiring to help others out who are less fortunate.

The magic of Christmas is sitting as a family and watching the snow fall with giddy anticipation of snow ball fights.

The magic of Christmas is something that cannot be sold or bought. The magic of Christmas began with a small baby boy born to a virgin in a manger. That sweet baby taught us how to love and created the magic of Christmas.

The magic of Christmas is love expressing itself through random acts of "human greatness."

No wonder the stores put Christmas decorations out early....we all love the magic of Christmas.

Faithful

2010-12-15T13:29:00.002-06:00

*This is my journal entry on November 20, 2010. My hope in sharing it is to bring comfort to others who grieve over their loss....no matter how small or how big.*

On a Thursday afternoon, my life came to a crazy spot. I realized that the life of my unborn baby was coming to an end. I would not get to hold my sweet baby, feed him, clothe him, show him off or snuggle with him in the early morning. My moment with him is gone. My heart cries, my arms yearn, my mind jumbled. Yet I know that my God is with me forever and ever. For He will never leave me nor forsake me. He will not forget me. Today I will seek out those things to praise my God. For he is the giver of all (Deuteronomy 32:39).....He gives life and He takes life.

The title of this post is Faithful. We choose to name our unborn babies. So, not knowing the gender of our sweet little one we decided to name him/her the characteristic that God has taught us through his life....God is Faithful--regardless.

Random Thoughts of December

2010-12-15T12:49:00.002-06:00

Well, I have been a not so good blogger lately. Not really the lack of things to "chat" about, but the lack of my blog being a priority. So, with that being said...here is another random post!

So far this season, we have fought croup, walking pneumonia and the stomach bug. Yes, I have my sanity. Yes, it stinks but the cuddles are out of this world.
We bought a ping pong table for the kids with the help of some others for Christmas. We gave it to the boys early. Kaleb is pretty good and Joshua and Stephen have "killer" serves. I barely can bounce back the ball to them.
Mary-Elizabeth has began to play by herself. She likes to play "cooking and serving."
Micah's vocabulary has increased at amazing speeds. He pretty much says everything that comes to his mind...tactfulness is a lesson in his future.
Mark received a job promotion. He now stays home a majority of the year. God's blessings to us!
We are suppose to get a lot of snow tonight and tomorrow and we can't not WAIT! Come on snow. We have missed you greatly.
ME doesn't like to sleep very well. I have begun to take back her sleeping habits and create the parent directed sleep. Praying she goes back to normal soon.

Well, that is my random thoughts. I am planning on doing a post on reality and another one that God has been placing on my heart. Until then, God bless you and Merry Christmas!

A Week of Storms and Rainbows

2010-11-18T20:44:00.002-06:00

Lately, God has been showing Himself HUGE in my life. Last week we found out that I am with child. Then in true God fashion He fixed our dilemma with Mark's new schedule. He is no longer deploying 8 months out of the year. He is only going to be gone 4 months out of the year. This is a true blessing that we have been praying for, but didn't expect it for many years to come. God is always good.

Then today happened....I started spotting. A replay of loosing the twins came over me. After a confusing doctors visit we have found out that I am pregnant but we are uncertain where the baby is. Then the bleeding began to get heavier. Now we have 3 precious souls in heaven.

Some ask why we would share we were pregnant so early on just in case we loose the baby. My answer is simple and not complex. Mainly because we value life whether the baby meets us on the outside of my womb or the baby is but a breath. Life is precious and life is purposeful. It is just up to us to listen to our God teach us the purpose.

So, I guess I am going to put my listening ears on and ride out this storm in the arms of my Creator and the Lover of my soul.

Bottom line God is still good rather it is in the storm or sliding down the rainbow.

Disappointments....

2010-10-10T16:50:00.003-05:00

With a family of 7 we are never short on disappointments throughout our day. Almost every hour someone is aggravated, frustrated, or just plain hurt. Normally the cause of the dismay is a sharing or lack of sharing I should say. With time and a patient Mom, the issue is normally worked out.

Lately, we have had larger issues that have caused loud outcries in our household.

I need to make a side note... I want my children to be disappointed while at home. I know....I am mean like that. But, in reality I want to help my children learn how to deal with disappointments. I want them to have a bag of good coping skills and good Bible verses to get them through life. The Bible is very clear that we will have many troubles in this world.

Back to the outcry...

As I walked with Kaleb through his disappointment for not getting a part in a play that he wanted, I was reminded of my senior year in high school. I auditioned for speaking at my graduation ceremony. I was told that my speech was good and the delivery was good as well. But the time was shorter than he wanted. I was the alternate. I was crushed. In my eyes, I was better than the girl who received the honor of giving the graduation speech.

Now forward 17 years later. And I realized that very experience of disappointment was the beginning of learning that God has a plan for me and for those around me. Plans to prosper me and to give me a future. In lay terms, God has my back! I don't understand why I did not receive the privilege of speaking to my graduating class. Yet, I trusted God.

In hind sight, I can see that one of the best aspects of not getting to speak is I learned how to cheer others on. I remember my Uncle offering to go and flatten her tires. My response was a chuckle because I knew that God had ordained that night for her and not me. What growth I would have missed out on if I had allowed the root of anger or bitterness to take hold.

I say all this to say.... As I walk with my children down many roads of disappointments, I want to remember as I grieve with them for their "loss" that God has a perfect plan and all that is required is for us to trust God. Then I want to sit back and watch them flourish and pray against the weeds of anger, bitterness, and selfishness.

Mountains and Valleys

2010-10-10T16:16:00.004-05:00

Lately, I have been in a valley. I don't know where I am going or when I will get to my final destination. All I know is this journey is arduous and bumpy. I am learning how to carve out time for my family in a busy world. I am learning how to take huge dosages of criticism at a time. I am learning to stand strong in what I believe. I am learning how to cry and let go. I am learning how to stay focus on the task ahead of me even though my heart is breaking. I am learning that God is with me every step of the way.

A few weeks ago, I went on a journey up the mountains. I learned a few things that has helped me in this valley. Once I made it up the mountain the view made me speechless. I know that once I climb up this spiritual mountain from this valley that the view will put everything into perspective. I also know from the view on the mountain that the valley is not that bad. It has places of ick, but it also has beauty.

So, as the real valley has beauty so does my spiritual valley. My goal is to seek out that beauty and ponder the Creator. My goal is to love the Lord regardless of what happens and to stick firmly to that which God has called me. Easier said than done I know. Sometimes in the valley we find our true friends. But even worse we see who we really are...sinners set free by a loving God.

In my recent valley, I have seen how strong I am. I have cried countless times...very hard for me. I have watched my children suffer--even harder. I have been anxious, angry, bitter, raging, and joyful. The best part is that I have been refined and made to be a better wife, mother, friend, sister and most certainly a better child of God. I have began to fall more in love with a God who adores me and calls me by name.

So, from my view....the valley is a beautiful creation...a bit painful at times, but definitely gorgeous.

Random Thoughts

2010-10-10T15:56:00.003-05:00

A good friend of mine has been teasing me for awhile that we don't live in Colorado we live in Kansas. So, to prove her point she took me on a tour of the "real" Colorado. Just to fill you in on some details...together we have 7 kids ranging from the age of 1 to 11. One of us are very use to driving across country the other one not so much. One of us drive through the mountains multiple times in the year, one of us has never driven through the mountains. With the large numbers, we were both forced to drive our cars. I think you are seeing the picture...

As we drove to the mountains, through the woods and over the river, I had many random thoughts. So, here I go....

14 month olds do NOT like car seats. Everyone in both cars will back me up. A screaming child is no fun for no amount of time esspecially for hours upon hours.
Even a driver can get sick to her stomach as she drives those curvy, drop off roads.
1 spilled drink during dinner out...not bad odds with 7 kids and one clumsy adult.
A lake, some mud, a few dozen rocks and a plethora of worms are more fun than a park regardless of your age. (A side note...I did allow ME to play in the mud too.--I know absolutely shocking. I have proof though.)
My children absolutely love hotel rooms.
A freezing pool doesn't scare children who adore swimming.
One small disagreement in a 37 hour period of time with 7 kids...the grace of God.

Bottom line after my journey to the mountains, my friend is right I live in Kansas.

Accomplishment

2010-10-04T18:54:00.002-05:00

So as we close out our first deployment, albeit small deployment considering the sacrifices others make, I am feeling frustrated for not accomplishing more. The more I wanted to accomplish is way over the top--really it is! I wanted to finish 90 lessons of school for 2 of my children and 60 lessons for my new kindergarten kid. I also wanted to paint 4 bedrooms, 2 bathrooms, a playroom and a wall in the "great" room. I wanted to do all of this while raising my 5 children and continuing our very active life style.

So, now that I have stated all that I have yet to accomplish...let us see what I have accomplished in the last four months...(list style of course.)

Drove from Florida to Texas all the way home with 5 children. No wrecks, no tickets and all 5 children arrived happy.
Did a walk through on my new home.
Closed on my new home.
Moved into my new home and slept on the floor. Bought and moved 2 twin mattresses with box sets.
Unpacked my new house.
Get up with several small children throughout the night.
Hung pictures on the wall.
Homeschooled my 3 out of my 5 children for 2.5 months.
Went through the entire process of braces with my 11 year old.
Weaned my daughter.
Worked out several anger issues.
Read several books.
Bathed many children.
Sent numerous packages.
Wiped countless tears.
Changed endless beds.
Said multiple prayers.

I truly stand in awe of any wife of a soldier who carries out deployments for years and years. I am eternally grateful for being able to have the strength to do that which God has called me to be-- Mark's wife and everything that encompasses.

Birthday Parties in Heaven?

2010-09-30T16:43:00.005-05:00

The other day out of the blue Stephen asked me if the twins would have a birthday party in Heaven? The timing of his question couldn't have been more perfect. I was contemplating on how to "celebrate" their birthday this year on my blog. Last year I spoke about how God was faithful through the entire process.

This year I wanted to do something a bit more fun. I wanted to see them as they are in Heaven.

A friend suggested that I dream about the boys growing up in Heaven and blog. It is a different experience for the twins because they have been made perfect in death through Christ.

Here we go...

So, while my children on earth sit through Sunday school to learn more about Jesus, the twins sit with Jesus and learn.

While my children pretend to ride wild exotic animals, the twins might actually ride a lion, a giraffe, or an alligator on those golden streets. Maybe they are taking a ride on a Great White Shark. They could be flying on the back of a Bald Eagle. Whatever they are doing, I can almost hear their squeals.

While my children cry when they scrape their knees or when a day has gone poor, my twins know complete freedom to be who they were created to be without the fear of pain.

While my children listen to a cd of earthly, angelic melodies in order to go to sleep. My twins hear the true angelic music all around them as they rest.

While my children are being raised by earthly parents who mess up daily, my twins have perfection.

While my heart aches at the thought of my loss, my spirit rejoices. My sweet Zechariah and Hezekiah are in a place I can barely describe without getting giddy with excitement.

So, to answer Stephen I said, "Yes, I bet they are going to have the time of their lives." Because we all know there is a "Martha" in Heaven planning the biggest 4th birthday bash ever.

Happy Birthday Boys!

Burdens....

2010-09-20T08:54:00.005-05:00

Today really stinks in many ways.

My friend and her two children are saying good-bye to her soldier as I write. He is back to fighting a hard, cruel war for another 6 months.

My sister's principal is a fabulous man who loves God and has given his life to following God by loving on children. He is presently on life support in ICU. He was healthy then he wasn't.

My sister in law's family friend died of a brain aneurysm last night. She went to the bathroom during a baseball game and never came out.

I have a friend who is struggling to trust God and have another baby after a miscarriage.

So, today I am weak. My burdens are high. My God is sufficient.

"My grace is sufficient for you,

for my power is made

perfect in weakness."

2 Cor. 12:9

Presently praying for God to be powerful in many lives....life is precious. Do we treat it as such?

Funny/Sweet Things My Children Say/Do

2010-09-18T08:40:00.011-05:00

*I was cleaning my blog posts and found this particular post that was not posted. I laughed so hard that I had to share it with you. I hope you enjoy it too!*

This is why my world is always spinning.....children say the sweetest and funniest things.

Micah said, "Come come come to my service. There is a BIG mess."

As I cleaned up ME's very big mess, she was saying, "ooooo" and smiling. How can I stay mad at her long?

Micah was talking to his Dad and said, "When I get biggest I am going to go home and get my swim suit on and then go to Sea World and give shamu lots of fishes."

Micah was waltzing back to the table during dinner and said, "Hey Mom, why does Dad get adult drinks and I don't?" I replied, "Because he is an adult and you aren't." Micah didn't miss a beat. He said, "No he isn't he is just DAD."

In playing Frisbee tonight, Micah said, "Momma you play very, very well." Then I threw the Frisbee over the fence and he said, "Momma you are really, really bad at this. Maybe Dad should just play with us."

ME just brought me my water bottle and said, "Momma Momma."

I gave ME a metal bowl and a wooden spoon. I was teaching her how to play drums with it. I know I am insane. Yet, the girl in her came out and she turned it around and started stirring a make believe mix of some sort....no drums for her!

Trust & Obey

2010-09-17T08:36:00.014-05:00

Regardless of how many verses I memorize, I sometimes forget about all of those when people ask me the hard questions.

I had one of those conversations last week. I couldn't explain my conviction on trusting God in a particular area.

*This may be a post that is way too much information for some of you. You may want to stop reading*

I was talking to a very sweet friend who had great intentions. She just made me really think.

Mark and I fell under conviction 5 years ago that God was asking us to trust him with our fertility. It was somewhat easy then. We had 3 children and wanted more...then we lost twins. We had to believe that God had a plan--a perfect plan. So, once again we made the conscious decision to trust Him even if it hurt.

Now fast forward and we have two more precious children. It is harder to "want" more children when already you are up all day chasing little ones, homeschooling bigger ones and trying to find solitude in the clutter of everyday life. Yet, the question come screaming at me. Do I trust God? Do I believe Him to know what is best? Why not use birth control? Why not use timing methods?

So, in my quest to work this thing out one more time (will probably go through this again) I am blogging my thoughts.

Question 1: Do I trust God? I would like to think that I do, but really it scares me. I am worried about my health, getting fat and the plain mechanics of running a full house with pregnancy and a newborn. Yet, faith is believing the unseen things of God. My verse for 2010 has been Prov. 3: 5-6. So, in order to live out that verse...I lean not on my own understanding. I believe God to be huge in all things including the size of my family.

Question 2: Do I believe him to know what is best? Psalms 139 says He knew me while I was in my Momma's womb. He knows my sitting down and getting up. He creates in me a clean heart. He is GOD. Really if I was honest with myself, pride is what brings this question to my mind. God's desire is for me to be humble and trust in Him.

Question 3: Why not birth control? If God is the creator of life can't He work outside of birth control? I totally believe God can work through all circumstances. So, why don't we use birth control? This could be a huge post on its own. So, suffice it to say that this is a moral decision that we have made. I know the level of defenses of certain birth controls. I probably should add that I am HUGELY pro-life. Life begins as soon as the sperm hits the egg. Therefore certain birth control methods go against my core beliefs. Plus, you add question 1 into the mix and it equals trust.

Question 4: Why not timing methods? Well, the Bible is very clear that the only time one should abstain from sex is during a time of prayer. Therefore, if you choose to abstain then it should be for prayer only. Tough to swallow I know. Conviction is throughout Scripture on how marriages should work. Thankfully, God hasn't given up on me yet.

Mark and I had a recent conversation on this topic. I was taken back by what he said. Side note-I wholly believe in submitting to my husband. I thought he was walking down the road of "I think we have had enough." We fully were recognizing the sacrifices and the hardships. Then he said something that made me fall in love with him all over again. He said, "It scares me to death to have another baby. Yet, it scares me to not have one too."

See, if you really trust God then ultimately it is not what our heart says. The Bible is very clear about our heart being wicked above all things. It is about actively trusting God and obeying God in all things. For Mark, the love of children is abundant. Yet, that isn't even his motivation. He absolutely loves God and to show God he loves Him, he obeys Him. So, in trusting God we are obeying His plan for us.

To sum up this very long post, I had the conviction part settled then God added the blessing of Scripture. Today, in my personal devotional time, God blessed me with Ps 128:1-2.

Blessed are all who fear the Lord, who walk in His ways.

You will eat the fruit of your labor;

blessings and prosperity will be yours.

So, I say all this to say...yep I am still believing in God. Trusting in God. Obeying God. For His blessings are far worth the sacrifice.

Rarely

2010-09-16T17:53:00.002-05:00

This is the 3rd year to "celebrate" my Mom's birthday without her. Sadly, this year it has been the worse. I think it has been the "worse" because I finally have realized the depthness of what I am missing. It is no longer the idea of what I am going to miss, it is reality--a stinky, yucky reality.

Yet, my God was faithful to me today and hope and joy were restored.

In was during my lamenting to God that He blessed me with some memories of rarely.

Rarely do I pick up the phone anymore to call my Mom. Yet, when I remember my conversations with my Mom joy and sometimes laughter comes.

Rarely do I see a yellow butterfly. Yet, when I do the joy is much greater.

Rarely do I smell smoke. Yet, when I do I am reminded of how precious life is.

Rarely do I meet her in my dreams anymore. Yet, I see her in my daughter.

Rarely do I hear her sing hymns or laugh. Yet, I hear her in my children.

Rarely is grief and reality fair. Yet, my God is righteous and sovereign in all things.

The Lord is good to those whose hope is in Him.

Lamentations 3:25

Priorities

2010-09-06T10:22:00.006-05:00

I have often wrestled with a verse. In fact, I pray it almost daily for me and my family. Yet, I try to go under the radar and not live it out. So, I struggle with it or to use a social work term....I grapple with it.

It if found in Psalms 90:12, " Teach us to number our days aright, that we may gain a heart of wisdom."

Sounds simple doesn't it. He is to teach us. Unfortunately for me, I have had to retake this class several times.

I am in the mist of trying to figure out what priorities I live out. Do I live what I say I believe? Do I work at it? Does my decisions take the shape of my priorities? Um...tough questions huh?

They are for me. Since Mark is gone, I have made for myself a buffet of excuses. I can pick and choose several. They are good and truthful excuses, but they are still excuses for not getting stuff done.

So, as I sit here and contemplate my priorities am I allowing God to number my day? To try and get a handle on my over achiever to do list, I am making a daily list of 3 priorities that I would like to achieve.

This may sound easy, but when you have Awanas and gymnastics in one day I only have a spot for one more thing. So, is it school? Or is it an errand that needs to be ran? In doing this exercise for a week, I have realized that I have put too much into a day.

No wonder I am begging God for rest. He has been screaming at me to number my day and He would give me a heart of wisdom.

Praying that you gain a heart of wisdom through allowing God to restructure your schedule.

Providential?

2010-08-31T18:47:00.002-05:00

Last night as I returned home from going out to eat, I should have known something was wrong. I wasn't hungry. I was freezing on the patio as I ate. I was overall blah. I love getting out doing fun things, but last night I was ick. It really didn't hit me until much later that night that I was sick. Sick. Sick. Sick.

As I finally dropped my head on my pillow to quickly go to sleep before another bout of sickness hit me, I prayed that God would be kind and let the kids sleep in. Well, an hour later ME, in true ME fashion, woke up. God was ever faithful and blessed me and she went back down without much of an issue. I quickly fell asleep again.

I was awoken again at 5 with sounds of a sick child in the bathroom. As I dashed to the kids bathroom, I was overtaken with thankfulness that he wasn't throwing up. My least favorite child's illness. So, as I helped him down and carried him to my bed, I agonized over how many children I would wake up hearing that they were sick.

As the sun rose, Micah woke up at 6. It wasn't long to find out the he and ME were also joining Stephen and me in the roll call of being sick.

I prayed this morning that God would show me who to call for help. Having a stomach bug pretty much decreases the chances of having help..but I held out hope.

Well, today hope didn't come like I thought. In fact, hope came in a weird way. My older two helped out greatly. My younger two took amazing naps. Now, I have to really iterate this point. ME doesn't sleep well. An hour is the longest she ever sleeps. Today she took 2 naps for almost 2 hours each. Micah took a 3.5 hour nap. I was able to rest and sleep peacefully.

So maybe, just maybe God allowed for the little ones to get sick so that I may have the rest I desperately needed. God is always providential even in illnesses. Would you not agree?

Lessons Learned During Dinner

2010-08-25T19:15:00.002-05:00

Well, lately I have been trying to make dinner time a time of connection between me and my wonderful 5 children.

Tonight they taught me several new lessons....

1. Milk is the best liquid to blow bubbles.
2. Don't get in between a girl and her brownies.
3. A vacuum cleaner is Mom's best friend.
4. Throwing croissant circles is fun.
5. If you put all your food in your mouth and then spit it out, no one will touch it.
6. Clorox will probably not go out of business anytime soon.

Tonight we laughed hard, and we are going to get to clean even harder.....

Loneliness

2010-08-21T12:09:00.007-05:00

One of the first obstacles in my very first deployment is the loneliness. So, you might be asking yourself how can someone be so lonely in a house full of children. Well, being busy and being lonely are two different things. I am extremely busy from the time I wake up until the time I go to bed. However, I am still very lonely at times.

I am by nature a people person. I walk into a room full of friends and get giddy. No denying it I love people. I love talking and laughing. I enjoy the times I cry with others, pray with others, and learn with others. I basically adore my time with friends. However, my best friend that I truly enjoy walking, talking, laughing and crying alongside is 11,000 miles away. I miss my adoring husband. I miss our talks about our days. I miss our talks about God and how He is working in our lives. I miss praying with him. I miss living life with him by my side.

So, although I have a plethora of children surrounding me and loving on me, I still get lonely when the sun goes down.

So, I have options on being lonely. It can drive me to depression or it can drive me to sit at the feet of Jesus. Jesus said he would never leave me nor forsake me. He cares that I am alone. And most nights I know that He is all that I need. Regardless of whether Mark is at home or several thousand miles away, Jesus is all I need. Mark is the dessert...the extra...the icing on the cake. Hopefully, I treat him that way.

So, when the nights are lonely my choices are to sulk and go to bed miserable or to trust God and allow Him to occupy me. So, how do I allow God to occupy my time and my mind? Well, diving into His word gives me great peace when my heart is anxious. Chatting with a close friends help me to process my day and thoughts. Reading a good book helps me to see life through others' eyes. Crying helps me to feel and see the compassion of a Holy and Righteous God who adores me as his daughter.

So, when the night gets lonely, I cast my eyes on my Creator, the one who knows me better than I know myself, and I dance the night and loneliness away.

Deployments....

2010-08-20T21:07:00.002-05:00

After 5 years of Army life and not one deployment beyond basic training, Mark took a job that would lead him out of the country for months at a time. The particular job popped its head several times and several times we sad NO!

Until, God soften both of our hearts in different ways and then blew the doors wide open on this job opportunity. So, here I sit writing this blog in the comfy of my beautiful home that my husband and my God has blessed me with. While he sits in a war torn land protecting me and probably you from our enemy.

I believe that I am truly blessed beyond all measure to be married to a man who has a deep desire to follow God with all of his heart. I am blessed to serve a God who loves me and is using this particular path to grow me in some areas I lack obedience.

So, I say all this to say...I am a transparent person. I don't masquerade my feelings or hurts. Here is your warning. My blog is the real me....the real thoughts, tears, and laughter. I am not out to offend people, but out to share my heart and fears.

So, you may ask what is my first lesson in learning....how to deal with the loneliness of deployments. But, you will have to wait on that particular post. Because right now, I am a single Mom with a baby whose tummy won't stop hurting.

Off to cuddle....

Thanking God!

2010-08-18T09:44:00.002-05:00

I have really struggled with blogging. Mainly because my blogs are from the inner parts of my soul. I haven't really wanted to share my soul lately. I have been "processing" this new way of life. Well, the last 24 hours have been really tough. So, I thought I would finally get the nerve to do a post that I have been praying over.

My heart's desire is to praise God for this time in our life and for Mark's deployment. I want to see the good in this deployment. Unfortunately, I don't see it very well. Yet, it is during the greatest storms that the sacrifice of thanksgiving has the sweetest fragrance.

So, here it goes. The list is short, but it is a beginning.
1. I thank God that my schedule is more flexible.
2. I thank God I get lots of little hugs and kisses.
3. I thank God for the support of my church family.
4. I thank God for the sweet emails from the love of my life.
5. I thank God for great friends that walk along side of me during this battle.
6. I thank God for listening to me cry and laugh and loving me through all my emotions.

Be joyful always; pray continually; give thanks in all circumstances, for this is God's will for you in Christ Jesus. 1 Thessalonians 5: 16-18

Temper Tantrums

2010-07-05T16:14:00.002-05:00

Lately, I have been in a really bad mood. It doesn’t make sense. I have a wonderful husband, children and a brand new house. The only thing I can think of that is the seed of this temper tantrum is my Savior calling me to step out again and trust Him. And for lack of a better way to describe it…I am throwing a fit. Not a screaming, kicking fit…a silent one…a sit in if you may.

The other day I took the boys into Cracker Barrel to eat dinner. A storm began to blow in and I didn’t have our luggage rack suitcases wrapped in their rainproof gear. So, I allowed the kids to go to the bathroom and look around and then we took off. Well, my sweet 5 year old didn’t like that answer and decided he would just sit in front of the door and not go with me. You can only imagine how I felt. He didn’t trust my judgement or the severity of the storm. He didn’t want to leave yet he wasn’t done doing “playing.” Basically, he wanted his very own way.

Hmmmm….it sounds like he might be taking after his mother. In reality, I don’t want to do what God is calling me to do….I want my own way. I want to have all the perks and none of the pain. Yet, it is the pain that I seem to grow the best.

So, this is my official way of trying to end my temper tantrum and share it with my few followers. I am gonna ask God to help me let go and start embracing what He has in store for me. I will try let the tears flow when they come and let the laughter rock the house when it comes.

I guess you can say I am all done sitting in front of the door of progress. I am ready to get up and trust God through those doors and into the thunderous storm that may or may not come my way.

2010-06-08T14:55:00.006-05:00

Warning: This post may make you cry....

So, we are in the last few days with Mark. Soon, he will pack his duffel bag with hot weather gear and head for a place beyond the ocean. We have been trying to get prepared for such a journey. His journey into a new country and our journey living without Dad.

We have several preparations to do before Mark makes his final lift off. We have clothing to buy, bags to get, phone calls to make, final questions to be answered, etc. However, one of the most important things to do is to give the boys something special from Daddy.

One of the coping mechanisms we used while Mark was gone before was a special stuff animal. It was quite successful with my two oldest children. So, we are trying it again. When the boys miss their dad they can hug their new stuff animal and remember how much their Dad loves them.

We didn't want just any animal we wanted a special animal. We walked by Build A Bear and we qualified for a special discount; therefore, it was almost a done deal. Now to choose the special animal, make it, and dress the animal in their special outfit.

Mary-Elizabeth was easy. We found a very special flowery bunny. She is precious and ME loves her too. It was moving to see Mark work with Mary-Elizabeth in building her bunny. My daughter no longer looked like a baby, but a toddler in her Daddy's arm.

Joshua chose a Army bear with an Army tent. It fits his passion in life and is a perfect symbol of his Dad. Joshua decided he didn't need clothes for his bear because he was already camouflaged. So, he opted for the Army Tent. Precious moments watching him set up the tent and carefully put his stuffed animals in it.

Stephen chose a bunny so that Joshua's bunny wouldn't be all alone. Fits Stephen's personality to always include others. However, his bunny is spectacular because he sports a Star Wars outfit. His bunny is Bunny Skywalker. Mark wanted to call him O' Bunny Kinobi. Stephen, being a true Luke Skywalker fan, wouldn't have it.

Kaleb chose a dog. Anyone who knows Kaleb knows that he desires to have a dog. A dog is companionship and responsibility rolled up in one for him. He also opted for a dog house instead of clothes. It was a weird feeling watching him put his own toys together. Some days I forget how old he is.

Micah's animal is the sweetest. I call Micah my "Monkey." Mark calls Micah his "Tiger." Mark found a Tiger for Micah and we knew that was the animal for him. So, Micah got a tiger in honor of his Daddy's nickname. I know that as time comes my eyes will be moist as I watch Micah cuddle his Tiger and remember how Mark calls Micah his "Tiger" and smiles. Micah doesn't totally get it now, but someday that Tiger will mean the world to him. Because goodness knows "Tiger" means the world to his Daddy as well as the other bunch of animals we have roaming around here.

So, here is to the beginning of God's new plan for us. A place where tears and laughter will intermix. A place where I will realize how strong I really can be. A place where every breath I take will be dependent upon the God of the universe. A place of peace that God has orchestrated for my family.

A Rambling Random Post

2010-06-08T14:08:00.002-05:00

Throughout this trip I have thought about various things that I wanted to share with my closest friends. So, to stop the insane amount of facebook status overloads I have been saving them for such a post.

I bought my first tank top bikini bottom swim suit. It has been the best investment. I could give you several reasons. However, the main reason is I can now nurse and not "feel" like I have to totally undress. Oh, what freedom I have found. Sadly, it only took me 5 kids to invest in such swim suit.

Mary-Elizabeth is swimming with water wings. She is so cute. I love to see her move around the pool with such ease. Not certain where she has gotten her love for swimming, but I will take it.

Kaleb and Joshua has both began jumping in the pool doing flips. They have both braved up in the last few weeks of swimming.

The more we swim the more freckles I get per my children. FYI, I wear 50 spf. Yep, I am too old to burn.

We added to our extended Proctor clan this past week. Mark's cousin's wife had a baby girl Paige. Her pictures show that she has kept up the Proctor tradition and comes out of the womb beautifully perfect. I hope to see that sweet little one.

Micah was terrified of the water. It didn't help that he almost drowned once and fell into the hot tub once. He is now swimming all over the pool with his swim vest and "wing floaties." It has opened up my enjoyability of the pool to have him enjoy our daily pool time.

Stephen is quite a fish too. He can swim all over the pool without any swim helpers, but he almost drowned on my watch. So, in fear he wears his swim vest and plays games with his brothers.

The humidity here in Florida is absolutely crazy. Little girl sweats regularly. Her curls are really cute though!

Alright I guess that is enough rambling for now...Enjoy!

Forever Home

2010-06-08T13:40:00.005-05:00

Along with embarking upon a new journey in the area of occupation, we have also embarked upon finding a permanent home. Gone are the days of moving from one rent house to another. Gone are the days of thinking we should keep that box it will pack my _____ very well. Gone are the days of moving here and there. My forever dream is coming true. Never ever have I stayed in a house for more than 3 years in my life time. This new home that we are presently building will be my forever home.

This particular house is not a headache it is a joy. It has been an overwhelming, joyful task to pick out carpet, vinyl, exterior paint, etc.. We were blessed to be able to pick out the largest lot and see our house go from a dream to reality within weeks.

I received pictures yesterday of my home and I fell in love. I can't believe that God is gracing Mark and I along with our 5 children with such a large, beautiful home. I am so excited about decorating it and making memories in my forever home. The boys have all picked out their decor. We have a room where the Force will be strong and in another room heroes are abundant. We are all so excited to get moved in and began our creation.

It will take time to get everything just like we love it, but in time our house will become our FOREVER home. So, yes we are finally getting rid of all those boxes and calling it quits on moving. We are now forever Home-at least on this side of Heaven.

Every good and perfect gift comes from God.

Trip vs Vacation

2010-06-04T08:16:00.003-05:00

Lately, I have been debating this in my head. Many think we are on vacation, but I am not convinced.

Vacation to me is when one relaxes and lets go of all the normal jobs. My spa day was a perfect illustration of a vacation. I changed no diapers, disciplined no child, nor did I fix anyone a snack. It was a day that I relaxed and "worried" only about myself. Now, I couldn't do this for long periods of time because it isn't in my nature. In fact, when I saw cups left out I had to fight the urge to not "clean" up. Taking care of my family is my job and I actually enjoy it most days. Yet, the day at the spa provided a relaxed atmosphere which allowed me to rejuvenate before moving. It allowed me to vacate...vacation at its finest.

Now, that brings me to today. We are presently on a trip. We have traveled to Florida with Mark to be with him while he trains for his next position. This experience is a trip. I have to literally "work" at having fun for the kids. For example, yesterday the kids an I went to the beach. It was stinkin hot and the water was warm too. So, cooling down was not an option. It took me over an hour to get all our gear and lunches made to go out to the beach in a cost effective manner. Than it took another 30 min. searching for an umbrella for the beach, which we never found. So, then we went to the beach and ate our sandy lunches. Afterwards, I put sun screen on everyone and that took another 20 min. Then I proceeded to nurse the baby and then we could go out to the water area....oh wait nope I must change a diaper. So, after all that I tracked to the ocean with my hands full of babies, toys, and towels. I played in the water for 5 min. with my little ones and decided to capture this moment on film. So, back up to the car I ran-the sand was hot. As I went back down to the water front and captured my beautiful children on film, I received a phone call from Mark. He was done and needed to be picked up. He needed to run errands quickly to put out his own fires. So now we have spent all of 30 min. at the beach and in the water. Now, here comes the fun part. I had to hussle my children back up to the pavilion to rinse them off and get them into the van. It probably took another 20-30 min. So, yes this a trip..a place where Momma works hard to make sure her small children enjoy their surroundings.

Some may ask was it worth it....you bet it was! I saw smiles, heard giggles, and saw life reenter my children. Plus we saw jumping fish, schools of fish, and a large ship.

Who could have asked for a better "trip"?

Random

2010-05-23T01:35:00.002-05:00

Just a few random things going through my head.

I had my first spa day. It might have spoiled me.
Mark is gone for several days. Movers come in 30 hours and I feel like I am two weeks behind.
Mary-Elizabeth has a horrible cough tonight and I think I might loose a bit of sleep over it.
Tomorrow I will make coffee for one and realize that this is my "new" life. It will make me look forward to making coffee for two.
I made my to do list and realized that being focused is not my strong point this week.
My hair was cut today and I like it.
Kaleb was extra sweet tonight. He stayed up with me to help me clean up some areas of our home.
I tried booking a hotel tonight for next week and realized that most of the hotels have no vacancies.
Joshua doesn't like his dad away and asked for me to stay close to him. So sweet to have my 8 year old hold my hand.
Stephen's smile can still melt my heart and get him out of trouble.
Micah is still very passionate, but is completely crazy about loving on me and his sister. Sometimes love hurts.
I took all 5 kids to the mall and we bought the rest of our summer clothes. I even made them go bathing suit shopping with me. Too much fun! We did have a successful day though. All kids did make it back home in once piece.
Alright, I need to go to bed so that I may get up and take the kids to church.

12 Reasons I Love Mark

2010-04-17T18:34:00.003-05:00

Tomorrow Mark and I will celebrate 12 beautiful years together. I am extremely blessed to be married to him. So, in honor of my husband I would like to write 12 reasons I love Mark!

1. I love Mark because he lets me sleep without condemnation when I really need it.

2. I love Mark because his smile melts my heart.

3. I love Mark because he puts me first.

4. I love Mark because he cooks really well.

5. I love Mark because he gives great foot massages!

6. I love Mark because he gives me the greatest hugs and kisses.

7. I love Mark because he gave me 5 wonderful children.

8. I love Mark because he loves Jesus with all his heart.

9. I love Mark because he supports me in all of "my callings."

10. I love Mark because he is passionate about teaching our boys.

11. I love Mark because he tenderly dances with our daughter.

12. I love Mark because through the rough waters or the calm waters he is always committed to working this thing out and whole heartily loving me through the process.

Praising God in This Storm

2010-03-24T22:20:00.002-05:00

Lately, I have my good days and then my really bad days. Today was a bad day. I just woke up and it was ick...

So, to be faithful to my walk that I talk about with my girls in my Bible study, I am going to write my Praises out.

1. I praise God for my adorable, committed, loving husband.
2. I praise God that my children adore me and love on me in their individual ways.
3. I praise God that He has never ever left me nor forsaken me even when I deserved absolutely nothing.
4. I praise God that I am not worrying about food, shelter, or illnesses (outside of normal childhood stuff).
5. I praise God that my heating bill was completely covered this month--previous deposit.
6. I praise God for giving me my heart's desire and allowing me the awesome privilege of teaching some wonderful ladies at my church.
7. I praise God that I have several good friends that hold me accountable.
8. I praise God that I have a loving relationship with my sister and brother.
9. I praise God that it snowed last night-beautiful.
10. I praise God that I have the breath to praise His Holy Name!

A Word

2010-03-22T12:18:00.005-05:00

Last Sunday, Mark and I had the privilege of giving our testimony on tithing. We are blessed in this area and we have lots to say. However, Our main focus was on the obedience of tithing and interpretation of the Malachi 3:10 verse. We had an enjoyable time discussing the privilege of tithing with our church family.

So, before some of you stop reading this post, it isn't about tithing it is about what happened after the service that I want to share.

A man came up to me. I have never seen him. He thanked me for giving my testimony and said that God had given him a word for me. At that very moment, my heart sunk. What the man didn't know was that my prayers all week was to hear from God through man. I wanted some encouragement in my present situation.

So, as I put my listening ears to hear the man, I realized that I was listening to hear what I wanted to hear. I wanted to hear something like this:

"Susan, Mark will have a job by xx date

and you will live in xx

city and you will buy xx house

and you will live happily ever after."

It took awhile, but I realized that isn't what he was saying. He proceeded to explain to me that God had not forgotten the love we shared with the soldiers that were at our house during Christmas and Thanksgiving. He said that God really appreciated us ministering to His people. Then he told me something gut wrenching. He said that God loves me. Wow! I know that, but at that moment I really needed to hear that I was loveable.

I am in one of those funks...where I see myself for who I am and wonder why anyone would want me to be their wife, mother, sister, friend, etc.

Unfortunately, I have sinned and my sins still haunt me....my character still haunts me.

I know I have come along way, but I see how much further I need to go. I see my laziness and my complacency. I see my fears and how I allow them to control me. I struggle with anger issues and controlling my tongue. Selfishness keeps me from ministering to those around me with a cheerful heart. That is just to name a few of my character flaws.

So, to hear that God loves me rocked me...

It reminded me that my relationship with the Creator of the Universe should be built on love and not my to do list. It reminded me that regardless of my failures He loves me. It encouraged me to keep pressing on. It helped me to believe that God has a great plan for my life. It has helped me to seize the day and rest in the Arms of the One who loves me.

Just for the record...I have it on good record that God loves you too....regardless...

Stephen's 5th Birthday

2010-03-20T01:06:00.007-05:00

Last week my sweet son turned 5 years old. I am baffled by how fast time flies. It was just yesterday that he would sleep on my chest and make sweet cooing sounds.

He melts my heart completely. He loves kisses and hugs. He is always giving his sister lots of love. He yearns for chocolate milk, but doesn't eat much of anything in particular. His favorite shows are Star Wars, Super Hero Squad, and Batman. He loves to play outside, but hates running around. He plays really well by himself, but he would prefer to play with his older brothers.

For his birthday, we had his first friend party. We celebrated his birth by having a Batman party. Mark worked real hard and created a Batcave. We were in awe of his creation and left it up for several days.

For his cake, we had a very creative lady make a 2-tier Batman cake. It was awesome and the hit of the party. Not only did it look good, but it tasted heavenly too.

He celebrated his birth with several friends and ran throughout the house and outside. Then we ended the night with his 'bestest' friend and eating pizza. His cup was full and he was sitting in paradise as the night came to an end.

For his actual birthday, we took him to eat breakfast. The ladies at the restaurant made a super cute hat for him and danced with him. He didn't like that part much. He did like his new outfit that was his favorite color-green. We ended the day by going home and letting him play with all of his new super cool toys.

My dear sweet Stephen, how I have loved you from the moment you were within my womb. You have deepen my love as you have grown in age and wisdom. I am amazed at how you figure stuff out and how you continue to learn at a high rate. Your adoration of your baby sister puts tears of joy in my eyes. Your passion for playing and for your friends is outstanding. Your desire to know God and worship Him is staggering. You my precious son have been and will always be my Joy. Thank you for your loving spirit and kind words. Loving you, Momma

Joshua's Page Ceremony

2010-03-20T00:07:00.004-05:00

Several years ago, God pressed upon Mark's heart to start a rite of passage ceremony for our boys. It begins at the age of 8. It is a journey into Knight Hood. The journey has 4 celebrations that happen at monumental times in a boy's life. So, at the age of 8 you enter the first stage and become a Page.

The journey began for Joshua this past month on his 8th birthday. The kids come dressed up a Knights and Princesses. We have a ceremony where Joshua is given a spoken word about his faith and Scripture to memorize. Then the significant, Christian men in Joshua's life pray over him and sign a scroll. It is a faith building event for me to observe. I see my young boy taking steps to become a young man and pride wells up within my heart.

Of course, during the evening we have food, fellowship and complete chaos. So, it is not a somber event. It is a celebration. A celebration that each one of our boys look upon fondly.

So, my loving Joshua, I am proud of you. I am proud of the man you are becoming. I am proud of the path you choose. You take the hard road and strive to be humble and honest. You make my heart skip a beat when you look at me with those deep blue eyes and knock out smile. You are strong, my son, and courageous. You are my Blessing. I will always love you, my son. Momma

Random

2010-03-19T17:41:00.002-05:00

It is time for another random post. This is a post where I just put alot of random thoughts down--nothing really fits together.

I am really enjoying teaching my Bible study class. The ladies teach me far more than I give to them.
Kaleb just got glasses. He looks super cute in them.
I am seeing God work through all situations even the tough ones.
Stephen is 5 years old...he can write his name and knows his letters and count to 20 on a good day.
I finally organized my school room....it only took 5 months-YUCK!
A schedule is my best friend and without it I am lost.
Micah is doing an awesome job of trying to learn his letters. He can count to 10 and daily practices saying his ABC's!
Joshua had teeth pulled and cut out this past month so he was grateful to join the 'I had surgery club.' He got new pjs and watched his movies all day long. He was a champ through the whole thing.
A friend and I started a homeschool group at our church. I love the group of ladies that have attended and look forward at the progress of this group!
Now two little friends have come to join us for the night, so I must go and get hot dogs ready to be grilled in the fire place!

Seeking Wisdom

2010-03-19T17:35:00.002-05:00

Recently, I read through the book of Proverbs. God gave me so much wisdom as I studied His word. I wrote a few of those passages down and wanted to share them with you. In light of our present situation, I share these verses.

It is to a man's honor to avoid strife.

Even a child is known by his actions, by whether his conduct is pure and right.

Make plans by seeking advice.

A man's steps are directed by the Lord. How then can anyone understand his own way?

Blessed are all who wait for Him-Isaiah 30:18

In repentance and rest is your Salvation, in quietness and trust is your strength. Isaiah 30:15

Mary-Elizabeth 7 Months Old

2010-03-19T17:01:00.006-05:00

I cannot believe that my little girl is 7 months old. These past few months have flown by--absolutely flown. It was just yesterday that she would fall asleep in my arms and snuggle up on my chest. Now, she refuses to snuggle much. She is always on the go. She has learned to crawl correctly even though she is almost always in dresses. She can go from laying down to sitting up to standing up. She is on the verge of walking around things. In short, she is mobile. She loves the fireplace and little toys-both to her parent's dismay.

This month she learned what a tu-tu was and that she was pretty in it! She has also started to leave her bows in--her mother is very proud!

Her hair has also grown in very well. We can now do pig tails. Oh,the fun her mother has with her hair, her clothes, and her toys.

She loves to play with toys especially the ones in the basket. She enjoys pulling them out, chewing on them and then passing them on.

She had her first hospitalization this month too. She had a cold that ended in some breathing issues. Her oxygen level was low, but we were able to go home within a day.

Mary-Elizabeth loves purses and jewelry. She adores being a girl, but also loves to play with balls.

In all, this last month has been one to remember. The boys love that she can crawl to them and hate it that she loves to chew on their toys. Micah has really taken to her and has learned how to make her belly laugh. Stephen continues to kiss her consistently. Joshua is the one who can always make her smile. Kaleb loves to hold her and carry her around.

All and all, it is a pretty good life!

5 month Old Mary-Elizabeth

2010-03-19T16:34:00.005-05:00

Oh, can I count the ways I love this little girl. She laughs sweetly. She cuddles warmly. She smiles frequently. She is precious, absolutely precious.

At five months old she is able to do more than I anticipated. She rolls all over the floor. She can sit up for seconds at a time. She squeals and laughs. Unfortunately, she can also take out her bow :(. Sad, but we are still working on it. Perseverance is the game! She also doesn't like to lay on her stomach at all. So, this could make crawling difficult.

During Christmas, Mary-Elizabeth added some pink to our bins of toys. One of her favorite toys is her baby doll-Baby Beth. The doll was named by Micah since Mary-Beth can't quite talk yet.

Mary-Elizabeth also enjoys getting dressed up. She likes to wear her dresses and she likes to show off by smiling big.

Mary-Elizabeth's 4 Month Post

2010-03-19T15:46:00.004-05:00

Well, it has almost been 4 months since she turned 4 months, but I must accomplish my task. The task is great, but rewarding in the end. I choose to share with the world the accomplishments of my little girl and her big brothers.

While she was 4 months old, we had her baby dedication. Mark and I were both blessed to have a part in her dedication. Mark read from the Bible about the importance of the church family. I ended the service with reading my prayer for her.

My Prayer for My Children

I pray that you have faith. The type of faith that can move mountains.

Matthew 17:20

I pray that you have strength. "The Lord blessed His people with strength."

Psalm 29:11

I pray that you have hope. "The hope that does not disappoint."

Isaiah 49:23b

I pray that you have devotion to prayer. "Devote yourselves to prayer being watchful and thankful."

Colosians 4:2

I pray that you have contentment. "Be content with such things as you have..."

Hebrews13:5

I pray that you have love. "The Lord your God is with you. He is mighty to save you. He will take great delight in you. He will quiet you with His love and rejoice over you with singing."

Zephaniah 3:17

My sweet daughter, I pray that God will teach you His ways, and that you would walk in His truth. I pray that you will have an undivided heart that you may always fear His name.

Some things little girl has accomplished at 4 months of life is playing with toys, laughing out loud, rolling over, and hugging real tight. She almost always wakes up smiling. The last four months have been pure delight for all of us!

Intertwined

2010-03-19T10:28:00.003-05:00

Lately, I have been sick to my stomach all day long... It has taken me awhile to figure out what is wrong, but I think I have narrowed it. Obviously, it is the uncertainties of my future, the deadlines of decisions--the craziness that is my life right now.

But, it goes deeper....

As I was processing my thoughts and feelings with my husband, he gently said he thought it was more.... More what else could be bothering me to the point of this pit in my stomach. In his gentle ways, he asked me if my heart was broken for a friend. It was at that moment I realized I was broken.

I am broken for a friend. She is saying good bye to her husband for an entire year. For an entire year, he will be across the ocean in a land where ducking isn't apart of a nerf war. It is a true bomb blowing war zone. A place where men and women are tested beyond their own strength. I feel for him. He leaves a family behind that will be a year older, a year wiser, a year taller.

And on top of that their marriage will have one of the biggest trials thrushed upon them. How do you keep love alive miles and miles apart? How do you communicate? How do you feel their love bank up?

My heart breaks--my soul cries out--my body shakes at the true sacrifice our military makes.

So, what can I do for my friend and her family? Obviously, pray for them fervently. Next, be available and listen closely to the unspoken words. I need to open my spirit up to God and allow Him to direct my paths and speak through my mouth.

So, does this make me feel better. Not a chance... I am reminded of a story in Scripture when Jesus wept. He wept because his friends were weeping over their dead brother. Jesus knew he was going to raise Lazarus from the dead, but his friends' emotion brought out his deep emotions. Our lives our intertwined as Christians. We feel other's pain and joy and through these feelings we accomplish success in being the friend God wants us to be.

So, through my tears, I will be reminded of what compassion can do. I will walk along side my friend and her family and I will weep when they weep and I will rejoice when they rejoice. I will be the friend that God has created me to be.

"I call as my heart grows faint; lead me to the ROCK that is higher than I."

Psalm 61:2

Panic Attacks

2010-03-09T21:49:00.006-06:00

Well, I was really hoping I could escape this fire without a stench of smell. I don't think it is going to happen though. Tonight proved it for me. This waiting on God thing is going to transform my life. I will either choose to believe God and live out my talk or I will choose to believe the world and bury my head.

I am at a turning point or maybe it is a breaking point. Tonight we were off and running and then all of the sudden....BAM...a full fledge panic attack. I could breathe and work through it, but it was there.....

All of the sudden, I had incredibly horrifing thoughts....will Mark ever get a job? Rejections were bound to happen. And they have come...in all sorts of ways. And I know that those rejections are needed. It leads us to know where to go and where not to go, but they are ever so painful.

So, tonight my heart is heavy....I have fears. They aren't realistic, but yet they are very real.

Reality

2010-03-06T08:53:00.002-06:00

Reality is that I can't find time to fold clothes, organize my school room, declutter my play room or even blog. I enjoy writing my thoughts and feelings down, but I don't have enough 'quiet' time to accomplish my task. So, I come with an apology for those of you who daily look at my blog for pictures or updates on our growing family.

Reality is that our life is crazy and I am trying to assimilate it. I am trying to make sure that all my ducklings are satisfied. I still have lots to say. I am still journaling and I hope that I can post those journals on here as time goes by. In fact, I have a great desire to share with you my thoughts on the journey God has placed us in. We are smack dab in the middle of waiting for God...well I must stop or this might be two posts instead of one...more to come!

6 Months Old...

2010-02-07T15:11:00.007-06:00

At 6 months, Mary-Elizabeth Janice can do quite a bit to keep us on our toes. She can scoot on the floor. She can get up on all four and rock. She sits up like a champ. She is also eating baby food rather well too. Her favorite is peas--organic. She doesn't like bananas at all. She takes a morning nap and 3 small naps in the afternoon and evening. She is extremely cute and has her family wrapped around her fingers--including Micah. Micah can get her to laugh out loud easily. She babbles constantly and loves to play patty cake. We are blessed beyond words to be parents.....

Addy update....

2010-02-06T21:41:00.002-06:00

Addy is still on the ventilator. Her diaphram has weakened and she is unable to breath on her own. They are taking steps to strengthen her diaphram. Please pray for this family as they eagerly await being able to hold their daughter.

Pictures of the Little Girl

2010-02-05T19:04:00.001-06:00

Thursday update on Addy

2010-01-28T09:54:00.002-06:00

Addy is presently in the OR. She is being closed up. She had a fabulous day yesterday and her liver enzymes and her billirubin are all NORMAL! Her blood pressure is normal and she is getting rid of the fluid. They will slowly start unsedating her--it could take a few days. The family is ecstatic. They have not seen Addy awake or held her in the last two weeks.

Amy is not being discharged today. She is very nauseous. Please pray for her today.

Many thanks to all of you.

Wednesday Update on Addy

2010-01-27T16:31:00.002-06:00

Addy is doing fabulous. Her lungs have reinflated and her liver enzymes are down. They were at 3000 and now are at 80, just above normal. They are switching her sedation meds because Addy is beginning to wake up. She should be closed up on Thursday. I guess she will be slowly awaken after being closed up. Let us continue to pray against infection and rejection of the new liver.

Amy is doing well too. She is going to be discharged tomorrow.

Wow, I love being apart of something bigger than myself.

Addy Update--Monday

2010-01-25T17:30:00.002-06:00

We just had an update on Addy. She is doing better. She has begun to relieve herself of the fluid in her body, but she still has lots of fluid. Her lungs are beginning to inflate and they can hear air flow, but her lungs still have the chance to get an infection with all the extra fluid.. Also, her blood pressure is all over the place.

Amy is doing well.

The family is asking that we pray about the extra fluid and her blood pressure. Blessings to all of you.

A detailed life....

2010-01-25T16:32:00.003-06:00

I didn't want to do it, but I have to. Everything in me wants to just get by. So what do I have to do....well--

I have to schedule our days. We can't get it all done when I am floating through the day. Somehow, I must love on each child (the way they receive love), homeschool, cook, clean, do laundry and still find time to spend time with the man of my dreams. I haven't been very successful in completing my tasks lately.

So in my devotional time the other day, God slapped me upside the head with Scripture.

In 1 Corinthians 14:33, "For God is not a God of disorder but of peace." My house is in disorder. The laundry floats from tables to baskets to even the floor at times. My children are also in disorder. Their devotions are scattered and their Awana verses are not being practiced daily. I am also frazzled which normally leads to nothing productive.

So, in order to restore peace to my home, I must enforce the schedule. I don't think the kids will fight it as much as myself. Yet, it is a necessary part for my home to run smoothly.

Another verse that God laid on my heart that day is 1 Corinthians 14:40. "But everything should be done in a fitting and orderly way." Um, I think that screams we need a schedule in order for all of us to be productive.

So, beginning tomorrow I will take the first step to bring order to my home which will bring peace and prosperity to my family of 7.

My Mom

2010-01-25T15:45:00.003-06:00

Two years ago today, my Mom passed away from this world to a world of no more pain or suffering. I am grateful to God that He took her to a place of complete freedom. However, I must be honest I still miss her. This morning I was pondering this day two years ago.

I would like to share with you my side of that day. It is more or less a journaling experience for me. I never want to forget what I felt that day. My desire is to remember so that I may empathize with others in their grief. I want to be able to help others by sharing my own experience.

We knew Momma was sick. However, she normally called to tell us good-bye if she was struggling to breathe. We had no phone call. In fact, in my talk with Mom the night before she was emotional. She was ready for me to be back in Texas. She wanted me to come home. We said our last goodbyes and I never knew it.

The next day I was a bit anxious all day. I had no good reason for being anxious, but I was. I couldn't figure out what had me so out of whack. I tried calling Mom all day long, but no answer. This was not completely unusual if Mom was having a bad day. So, that night I called my sister to see if she had heard from Mom. It was during that conversation that my step-dad called.

His words to me were loud and clear. "Susan, she's gone." I could hear tears and utter helplessness. Immediately, I called my sister and told her to go to Mom's that she was dead. I didn't use any nice words. I didn't cover it up for my children. In fact, they found out that their Granny had died by me screaming to my sister. I was a mess. The next few hours are a bit of a blur. I know I cried and screamed and yelled out for my heart was breaking.

Mark was working that night. A friend brought him home. He walked through the door and I once again began to wail and fell into Mark's arms. His friend came in and played with the boys.

My Mom was gone. I wanted to be there when she left this world and into the next. I wanted to know how she died. I wanted answers.

They never came. I had to put my trust in God and believe that He was with Mom in her last moments here on earth.

Two years later the pain is less than it was. I don't cry out anymore. I don't scream. I just keep going and thank God for the small reminders of my Mom. He allows me to see her in my children and even in myself at times. I am grateful to have had her for 33 years of my life.

So, today two years later, I am reflecting on lessons my Mom taught me. So, here are a few of them that came to my mind today.

1. She taught me to be honest regardless of the consequences.

2. She taught and showed me unconditional love.

3. She showed me what hope looks like in the mist of complete chaos.

4. She taught me how to fight and do what is right regardless of the pressure around you.

5. She showed me how to work out my Salvation with fear and trembling.

6. She taught me the power of prayer.

7. She held her possessions loosely and her family tightly.

8. She showed me the blessing of forgiveness.

9. She taught me the blessing of giving all that you have to the God of all.

10. She taught me the purpose of Scripture.

Her children do rise and call her blessed.

Update on Addy

2010-01-25T15:42:00.002-06:00

Thank you so much for your prayers. Abby is doing well with her new liver. However, her lungs have collapsed and they are trying to re inflate them. The family has not sent out a new update on Addy's condition. So, she must be doing okay.

Amy, Addy's liver donor, is doing well. She is out of ICU and has been on a few small walks. I have heard that it will take 3 months for Amy to finish recovering from the surgery.

Let us continue to pray for God's healing hands upon Addy and Amy. May we also pray for comfort during the ups and downs of the transplant roller coaster.

Best Friends

2010-01-22T14:33:00.003-06:00

Mary-Elizabeth doesn't understand it fully, but she has a friend that adores her. Her friend is 10 years older and lavishes love on her. She loves on her by carrying her around, playing games, and showing her the appropriate behavior of girls. In shorter words, she spends time with her. She is a superb role model for my little girl.

It is important for us to have friends. Friends help us to carry on and fight. They help us to relax and laugh. They allow us to be who we are and yet will spur us on to be who God has created us to be.

We have been blessed with friends everywhere we go. Unfortunately, it takes time to make those life long bonds. Yet, it is in those lonely times that we realize what a friend we have in Jesus. Ultimately, He is our best friend. When we are forced to say good bye to our friends on earth He is still here. He is the one who carries us in the stormy weather and dances with us in the sunshine. He is our all and all. Are you being a good friend and spending time with Him?

"Every good gift and every perfect gift is from above, and comes down from the Father of Lights." James 1:17a

Thursday Addy update

2010-01-21T12:24:00.002-06:00

Addy's liver is failing. She will need another transplant. She is blessed to have an aunt who is going to be a living transplant for her. The surgery is set for Friday please pray for Addy, her parents, grandparents and her Aunt Amy who will be donating a part of her liver tomorrow. Thank you in advance.

Praying for Addy

2010-01-20T16:29:00.002-06:00

Please pray for baby Addy. The parents are feeling a bit discouraged today. Her liver enzymes have gone up. This can be normal, but Addy also has arterial clot which causes further complications. Tomorrow they will look at her bile ducts to see if they are working properly. If they aren't then they will do another liver transplant. If the ducts look okay they will then do a biopsy and make certain the liver is working appropriately. She has a 50/50 chance of needing another transplant. Please continue to pray for these young parents.

If you are a facebook junkie you can join the group 'Pray for Addy.' You can get updates sooner. Thank you for being apart of something bigger than any of us...

Music

2010-01-19T10:29:00.002-06:00

Music is healing to my soul. It gives me freedom to cry and freedom to rejoice. I am grateful to have a plethora of stuff to choose from. Lately, I have been listening to my new Point of Grace cd. Wow! I am in love with the entire cd...just ask my kids. There is one song that continues to play in my mind long after it leaves the speaker. I wanted to share the words with you. It speaks volumes to my soul and refreshes me to face the day with dignity, grace, mercy and excitement. Enjoy!

You Are God

When the sun starts to rise and I open my eyes.

You are good, so good.

In the heat of the day with each stone that I lay.

You are good, so good

With every breath I take in.

I'll tell you I'm grateful again.

When the moon rises high before each kiss goodnight.

You are good.

When the road starts to turn around each bend I've learned.

You are good, so good.

And when somebody's hand holds me up, helps me stand.

You are good

So, how can I thank you.

And what can I bring?

What can a poor man lay at the feet of a king.

So, I'll sing you a love song.

It's all that I have.

To tell you I'm grateful.

For holding my life in your hands

When its dark and its cold and I can't feel my soul.

You are still good

When the world has gone gray and rain's here to stay.

You are still good

With every breath I take in.

I'll tell you I'm grateful again.

And the storm may swell even then it is well.

You are Good!

The words are fabulous, but the song will speak to your soul.

Monday Addy Update

2010-01-18T21:15:00.002-06:00

Addy is holding her own. She has a blood clot again, but they are trying a new technique. They have made this hyperbaric tent in hopes to get extra oxygen to her liver. The doctors are hopeful that they will have her come out of sedation and off oxygen on Thursday. Let us continue to pray for this family. The option of a new transplant is not off the table. Thank you for praying.

Addy Update

2010-01-17T15:55:00.002-06:00

Addy's liver had a blood clot that had to be removed yesterday. They were unsuccessful in removing the entire blood clot, but God is faithful. Her liver is doing its job despite the set backs. Her level of toxins is down. We are praying for the family, no blood clots and no more complications. Thank you for your prayers. The family is handling the situation well and have left their daughter in the hands of their God. He is greater than all things. In Him will we trust. Praying for you sweet little Addy.

Baby Addy Update

2010-01-14T21:50:00.002-06:00

The family was able to see Addy this morning and at 3:00. She is on muscle relaxers and sedation, but she looks good. In fact, her mother said she looks great. She has blood drawn every six hours to check her levels. The level of toxins have already decreased. The doctors are pleased. We are all believing God to be huge through this entire situation. We wait in anticipation of what God is doing. Blessings to you all!

More Information on Baby Addy

2010-01-14T11:16:00.003-06:00

Addy was born last June and diagnosed with Biliary Atresia. It is a rare liver disease that can be corrected with surgery; however, the surgery failed. It was agreed that she would need a liver transplant. The transplant would be put off until she was stronger or in liver failure. The family was blessed within days of being in liver failure a liver was found that would be a good match for Addy.

The family is asking for special prayer for CJ, Addy's 2 year old brother. He is staying with his aunt while his Mom and Dad are hanging out with Addy. It could be some time before the family is reconnected.

Update on Baby Addy

2010-01-14T08:27:00.002-06:00

Please continue to pray for Baby Addy. She came through surgery with some complications. She is on blood thinners and will be sedated for the next 4-5 days. Please pray for the following: 1. no more blood clots. 2. Her body would accept the liver. 3. Comfort and physical needs of her parents to be met. 4. The liver recovers from being on ice longer than expected.

From what I can read, Baby Addy should do okay if her body doesn't reject her new liver. The main drawback is that the complications in surgery is going to make the process longer.

Thank you for praying.

Praying for Baby Addy

2010-01-13T22:54:00.004-06:00

Please pray for baby Adddy. Right now she is in surgery having a

liver transplant. Her parents' names are Megan and Casey.

She has a big brother CJ.

Merry Christmas

2009-12-25T18:07:00.003-06:00

From our family to yours, Merry Christmas!

Wordless Wednesday

2009-12-16T08:30:00.004-06:00

This is how you keep a small child warm in freezing temps!

Courage

2009-12-15T23:04:00.004-06:00

My real life hero happens to be much younger than me. She is a determined young lady that is fighting a real battle. I am blessed to be apart of her family. She is Mark's cousin and a survivor of breast cancer. Resently she was on her local station and I would love for you to see her courage and strength. She exhibits strength and courage in a real fashion. Enjoy the clip!

http://www.kvue.com/home/Austin-teacher-faces-cancer-with-optimism-determination-79185607.html

Meltdowns...

2009-12-13T23:40:00.002-06:00

In my family of 7, we have meltdowns on a daily basis. No one is immune to these meltdowns. They just look different depending on your age. Micah portrays his meltdowns in the usual 2 year old way...screaming, kicking and all around unpleasantness. Stephen whines and puckers his lips. Joshua cries silently and has begun to scream at his siblings (the normal catalyst of a meltdown). Kaleb gets frustrated and begins to be rough to his younger siblings.

Now I bet you didn't know that Mark and I have our meltdowns too! They can be somewhat disguised by rude behavior and even a really loud voice. Every now and then you may see some tears come out of the meltdown.

Not to long ago while Mark was gone for a week, I fell apart. In reality I don't think I have ever come back together again. I basically had a freaking out moment of panic that lasted longer than it ever should have.

My lips puckered like Stephen. I began to cry hard like Micah. I was rude to those around me like Kaleb. I was even caught screaming a time or two like Joshua. The catalyst for my meltdown--fear.

To be bluntly honest I am scared. God is asking me to walk out on the water. I don't want to go. I want to stay in my comfort zone. I have no desire to taste life on the other side of my boat. For lack of a better word, I threw a temper tantrum absolutely huge out of control fit.

So, what brings me to confess all this to you. Well, I realized it is a lack of faith. Okay that was easy. Well, sort of , kind of easy...it is deeper than those words. The tide of unbelief took pride and idolatry with it. I had huge problems and my physical behavior was exhibiting it. So, here I am confessing it to the entire world or at least those few of you who read my blog.

I confess that I don't have it all together. I am not always nice to my husband or my children. I am not always waking up in the morning and spending my first fruits with God. I am not being who I know I want to be. I am being selfish, prideful and all around annoying. I don't ever complete my to do list. I have issues with perfectionism. My children do fight on a regular basis. I do have unkept floors and no my children don't have matching Christmas pajamas. Not to mention that I have not even done my Christmas shopping. Oh, I might as well tell you that there are days that I forget to brush my teeth until lunch time. How is that for confession?

Now that is over I would love to share with you what I learned through this long process. First of all, I learned that meltdowns were okay. I kept most of the anguish inside my heart and wouldn't let it out. My sister, who happened to call in the middle of the crying part, reassured me that it was okay for me to cry and let it out and to be HONEST with myself.

Second, I learned that I need to teach my children how to handle their meltdowns. So, I guess I better learn how to handle mine.

Third, I learned that peace comes to those who find complete satisfaction in God. I know it is easier said than done. In my Bible study, I was suppose to write down some times in my life that peace transcended my understanding. I began to think about peace and difficult situations. I came up with three different times in the last 4 years that God's peace transcended my understanding.

The first situation was when my loving husband went through a mentally tough time. God had me on my knees regularly praying for deliverance. Through all the 'junk', I was at peace with my God and my rocky situation. oh, God delivered my husband from his mental anguish and taught me valuable lessons in the process.

The second situation was when my Momma was in ICU and dying. She fought hard to live and she did for another 3 years. She fought not with weapons of this world but with the weapon of God's Holy Word. I will never forget her quoting Psalm 23 with a tube in her mouth. She didn't miss one beat. My sister and I couldn't remember the lines at the end because emotion overcame our broken hearts. Yet, I still had peace because His word sustained me.

The third situation is when we lost our two babies at 8 weeks and 18 weeks gestation. I couldn't breathe at times because the pain was so gut wrenching, but I never loss the peace that God was in control.

All three of theses situations have something in common. I was obedient to God and gave Him control of my life and trusted Him. How did I stay that way? I read the Living Word and allowed it to become living and active within me.

So, where am I going? I am going back to being a woman of prayer who is grounded in the Word and trusting that the God who has never failed me yet will remain faithful through it all. For He is faithful even when I meltdown. Now to hold on to His truths and teach them to the next generation--my children!

Tree Trimmin 2009

2009-12-02T15:22:00.004-06:00

This year putting up the Christmas tree was a blast. We decided to rearrange our house so that we had the big TV and couch downstairs. Rearranging gave us the ability to enjoy the fireplace with the twinkling of the lights. The boys enjoyed our annual sleep under the lights and watch Christmas movies and drink hot chocolate. Mary-Elizabeth loved the lights and the extra snuggles of the family bed! Mark and I are extra blessed to have such a beautiful and loving family.

Wordless Wednesday II

2009-12-02T15:20:00.001-06:00

Wordless Wednesday

2009-12-02T15:18:00.002-06:00

Wordless Wednesday

2009-11-18T09:53:00.003-06:00

Random Thoughts

2009-11-17T16:23:00.002-06:00

I am wondering how long can I wear long hair and get away with it? What is the magic cut off date of no longer wearing your hair long?
My brother, sister-in-law, and niece are getting baptized this Sunday.
My baby girl is also being dedicated this Sunday.
I wish my Mom was here to see Patrick and his family be baptized. Hope there are holes in the floor of Heaven for this one!
Mark is picking up steam in looking for a job. Wondering where we will be in 6 months!
Needed a Bible study, so I started a Bible study and I am blessed to be apart of a great group of ladies!
Mark's mom is here with us for the next 2 weeks..and we are all loving it!
Wondering if I will ever be motivated for finishing up school and filing all my papers and folding all my laundry?
Working on my Thanksgiving List.....a thankful heart is a happy heart!
Glad you came back to read my blog..sorry for the long pause!

Picture Time

2009-11-17T16:15:00.003-06:00

Joshua's way of cleaning up!

Mary-Elizabeth in her first bow without a headband!

Sweet Angelic face!

My Narnia Group...Mary-Elizabeth was Queen Lucy!

So, obviously getting 5 children to look at you for a picture is close to not happening!

Awana Grand Prix Pictures

2009-11-17T16:05:00.004-06:00

Baby Girl sleeping peacefully during the Awana Grand Prix!

Stephen and his Batman car!

Kaleb and his Green Lantern car...won 2nd place!

Joshua and his football car.

Micah and his Spiderman car...beat every car there!

The Annual Things I Love

2009-10-27T17:39:00.005-05:00

Every year on my birthday, I like to write about the things that I love. I can't really decide how many to write this year. So, I am just gonna write until I am too tired or get interupted....

I love going into Mary-Elizabeth's room in the middle of night because of the light pink glow.

I love watching Mark play backyard football with the boys. It always is good for a laugh!

I love to watch the fire glow in the fireplace.

I love the way my boys come to me for hugs when they wake up.

I love the way Mark smiles at me from across the room.

Wordless Wednesday on Thursday

2009-10-20T21:42:00.003-05:00

Look Who is 3 Months Old

2009-10-20T14:06:00.005-05:00

Today my Baby girl is 3 months old. In 3 short months, she has changed my life. I am eternally grateful to be her mother and her brothers love to be right beside her. She has melted our hearts. She already has Daddy wrapped around her fingers. He can always get a smile out of her. It drives me nuts!

Mary-Elizabeth loves sucking her fingers, the fan moving, and being the center of attention. She is sleeping well at night and is slowly letting the fussy stage go away! She weights 17 pounds and is 24 inches tall.

Last weekend we moved her to her own room. She slept great, but Mommy and Daddy sure did miss her little noises.

She recently wore her first pair of jeans with ruffles. Oh, so cute! We love dressing her up.

Stephen loves playing with her!

I'm not screaming, I'm making a joyful noise unto God!

Seriously another picture.

Happy Girl!

My Dad

2009-10-20T13:54:00.002-05:00

Recently, Kaleb was given an assignment to do a character sketch on a family member. I would like to share with you what he wrote.

Hello I'm Kaleb and I'm going to tell you about my Dad. My Dad use to run an ice cream store, but they went bankrupt. Now he's in the military and I am happy my Dad serves our country. My Dad and I love sweets his favorite is snickers. He taught me how to play baseball. He started me on drinking cofee Mmmm. My Dad has gotten a lot of awards. (and from me good looking awards!) I am proud of my Dad. Oh, yeah, I almost forgot. My Dad is tall and skinny. He has a wonderful smile. He also has blue eyes. PS. Go Daddy Go

[I typed this directly from his paper.]

Joshua was also given an assignment: "List 4 things your mother or father does for you."

My dad prays with me. My dad helps me. My dad will play.

It might not be 4 things, but it along with Kaleb's sketch spoke volumes. His children will rise and call him blessed. I am so thankful to have a loving father for my children.

Wordless Wednesday

2009-10-14T10:21:00.004-05:00

A Walk of Faith

2009-10-12T08:29:00.005-05:00

Lately, I have been floating through this world. I go from point A to point B and not realize the blessings that God has given me. I don't give Him the praise He deserves. All of the sudden, God opened my eyes to see the enormous amount of prayers that has been answered. Some prayers I don't think I uttered with my lips, but with my deepest longings of my heart.

Recently, I found a pearl earring in my couch. Not a big deal until you realize that I lost it 4 years ago. Since then, we have moved 3 times. God knew my heart was wanting my earring and He blessed me unexpectedly.

Another answered prayer was baby blankets. Inside my heart, I wondered how I could have sweet, girly baby blankets for Mary-Elizabeth. I have several boy blankets, but I wanted girly ones too! I knew our budget could not replace all the boys things. God knew that too! He put it on the hearts of several women and I received 6+ blankets for Mary-Elizabeth that were homemade with love and prayer. I also received several other beautiful, girly blankets. God gave me more than I ever anticipated.

Answered prayers are all around me. I see God working through my children, through my husband, through my church and through me. I see him healing relationships. I see him floating our family on a slim budget. I see Him doing amazing things all around me.

However, I still live in fear. God is asking my family to walk out on the water and stay afloat by faith. We are at a cross roads of huge proportions. I must trust God and not man. I must affirm my faith in the one true God by believing in Him.

Mark is separating from the military in a few months. In less than 5 months, Mark is going to need another job...we are going to need another house...we are going to change our world. We will no longer be apart of the military forces..we will be civilians. This is somewhat scary--I mean real scary. The part that gets me on my knees is not having a paycheck or any direction of where to go. All I know through God's confirmation is that Mark should separate. The rest I must leave at the foot of Jesus.

Trusting God with my finances and physical future is a wild ride for me, but one that is even more wild is trusting God with the size of my family. Mark and I are learning how to trust God completely in this area. God is asking me to have faith that He knows what is best for each of our children-born and unborn, for Mark and for myself. One thing I have learned in having more children is that I can do less on my strength and need more of Him. Maybe that is the point of faith--total dependence on God.

So, as I walk out in the unknown, I must believe in God. I must trust His Sovereign plan. I must believe God to be huge in all circumstances. I must die to my selfish desires and live for the One and Only.

In believing in God, I must remember who He is. In order to remember who He is, I must remember what He has done for me in good times and bad times. Through those moments in time, my faith has expanded. With my expanded faith, I shall praise Him more. He alone is my rock, my shelter and my foundation...in Him who shall I trust?

So, today I choose to walk by faith in the One who created me...the One who loves me...the One who gave up His life for me...the One and Only.

Micah Allen

2009-10-11T10:39:00.011-05:00

Last month, Micah turned 2 years old. I love the age of 2. He is learning new things everyday. I am so pleased that God saw fit for us to raise Micah Allen. Micah has a great personality and it normally comes out in pictures. I thought in celebrating his 2nd Birthday I would take a look back!

Wordless Wednesday

2009-10-07T08:14:00.002-05:00

Walking Through It

2009-09-30T14:47:00.005-05:00

Three years ago today, I gave birth to a sweet baby at 18 weeks gestation. He was part of twins--we lost the first one at 8 weeks gestation. To me, my family and friends these were not fetuses--they were babies lost. They were dreams destroyed. They were love unshared. They were hope given. They were faith reborn.

I didn't understand God's plan for us at that time...yet I trusted Him completely. I couldn't breathe at times...yet I trusted Him to breathe for me. I couldn't cry at times. I couldn't love at times. I was a mess. I missed and grieved at the chance to hold my sweet boys and to train them.

Mark and I had the privilege to name our sweet boys. The first one was Zechariah Isaiah. The next one we named Hezekiah Tom Thumb. We never were able to meet Zechariah. Yet, he provided hope for us to keep his brother alive. We worked hard the next 10 weeks to protect baby Hezekiah, but God had a superior plan for Him. Unfortunately, it did not involve us having him here with us.

We lost Zechariah in the middle of the night. Fear gripped us as we drove silently to the hospital. Wondering what had happened to our precious baby led Mark and I into deep, silent prayer. Our eyes were elated and sadden to see two sacs on the ultrasound. One sac full of life the other sac empty. Zechariah gave us hope for the future and he encouraged us to take care of his brother.

We learned that Hezekiah had gone to be with his brother in Jesus's arms at a normal doctor's appointment. We were given a few days to think about the best way of delivering him. We had decided to do a D/C, but Hezekiah had other plans. Hezekiah was the only child born during a Dallas Cowboys football game. He was very small and special. If I had any doubt that God created life and that He knitted us together in our Mother's womb, I don't' anymore. I saw a perfectly formed body. All I could think and say after he was born was how beautiful he was.

During the next year, I learned valuable lessons. I learned to cherish my children as the gift they are. I learned that God was big enough to handle my grief and anger. I learned that God continues to give good gifts in the middle of crisis--I just had to look harder.

"But now, this is what the Lord says-He who created you, O Jacob, He who formed you, O Israel: 'Fear not, for I have redeemed you; I have summoned you by name; you are mine. When you pass through the waters, I will be with you; and when you pass through the rivers, they will not sweep over you. When you walk through the fire, you will not be burned; the flames will not set you ablaze. For I am the Lord, your God, the Holy One of Israel, your Savior...'"

Isaiah 43:1-3

During that time period of my life, God was very real as my Savior. He was my every breath and my every move. He gave me strength and encouraged me to continue on. He walked and carried me through every gut wrenching experience.

This October 15th is a day to pray and light a candle for all those who have suffered the loss of a pregnancy or infant. Please pray, send notes, light a candle. Let us cherish human life at any age.

Wordless Wednesday

2009-09-30T14:41:00.003-05:00

End of September Randomness

2009-09-30T11:36:00.003-05:00

Last Friday, the boys had boys night. So, while they watched their Super Hero movie, Mary-Elizabeth and I had our first girls night--we slept!
Last Saturday, Mark blessed me by helping me clean out the playroom and all children's rooms. We purged our home of lots of stuff that wasn't needed. It feels great to have less and manage it!
I reworked our budget for this next year. We are thankful to have enough money to support our needs and some of our wants.
Mark is starting the process to potentially separate from the Army. I am so excited and scared of where God is leading us next!
Mark and I have been looking online at houses to buy in potential towns. It was so much fun to talk about prospective houses!

The Difference

2009-09-29T10:44:00.005-05:00

Mary-Elizabeth just turned 2 months old. She has grown so much--she weighs 15 pounds already! She found her hands and loves to chew on them--just in time for flu season. She can be quite fussy at times, so she loves to be held close in the sling. She is beginning to smile back at us and even babbles on occasion to my delight. She falls asleep easily in her bassinet, but hates sleeping in her own bed. However during the day. she enjoys sleeping in her swing. She sleeps for about 5 hours at night and nurses and sleeps for another 4 hours. She almost always has a smile for her Daddy and sits contently in his lap. I must admit it has been a crazy, busy, fun, joyful, beautiful experience having 5 children.

Many people ask if my life as been turned upside down with having a little girl. Well, in some ways yes and in other ways no. There is a major difference in changing diapers, getting her dressed and decorating her room. Yet, fundamentally it is the same. I have the same desires and prayers for her that I have for my boys..to love the Lord their God with all their hearts.

The main difference between boys and girls is more or less my teaching role. My main role with the boys is to enhance Mark's teachings --the value of respect, the love of God, the joy of a good wife, and how to problem solve. Now, with Mary-Elizabeth my role is different. My goal is to teach her the fundamentals of being a lady of character and virtue. I am to teach her how to be modest in her appearance, to be self controlled, to be busy at home, to be kind, and to be pure. Now, boys need to learn these lessons too, but Mark is the one who needs to be the example. Now, I have the privilege and responsibility to teach my daughter by example and my words. Oh, I look forward to teaching her how to cook, how to organize her room, and how to play babies and doll house. I am assured I will enjoy playing with her just as much as I enjoy playing with my boys. For it will be during those 'play' moments that I will be the example that she needs.

I must admit I am overjoyed and full of glee to have this opportunity to teach my daughter. Now, to let the Holy Spirit to work through me in training all my children in His righteousness. Please Lord help me to stay out of it.

My Love

2009-09-08T11:12:00.003-05:00

Every child has a sweet nickname that God has given me. Micah was suppose to be 'My Gift,' but God had different plans. Immediately I knew that Micah would be a symbol of love. He has been such a lovable little boy. He loves to be held close and snuggle. He loves to read books. He is in love with Shamu. He thinks his brothers are the coolest! Yet, he stands up for himself with his brothers normally by screaming and sometimes by brute force.

Micah was born 2 years ago today. His birth was miraculous. I was able to participate more with his birth than my previous ones. Mark and I were in awe of Micah's beauty and timing. He loves numbers just like his Momma. He was born on 09/08/07 at is05:04. He skipped the number 6 for some unknown reason, but I was grateful. His brothers loved him immediately and watched over him intently from the get go. He has a deep love for his brothers. He has a heart like none other.

Kaleb Kristopher

2009-09-06T01:03:00.003-05:00

Kaleb turned 10 a few weeks ago. Due to having Baby Girl, I wasn't able to post. So, I am taking advantage of some quiet time and posting the top ten things (in random order) I love about Kaleb in celebrating his 10th birthday.

1. I love Kaleb's laugh and smile.

2. I love Kaleb's desire to do the right thing.

3. I love (on most days) Kaleb's desire to ask lots of questions.

4. I love to watch Kaleb participate in musicals.

5. I love Kaleb's ability to play with all of his brothers no matter their age.

6. I love that Kaleb sees hardship in a positive way.

7. I love to see Kaleb rock his baby sister to sleep.

8. I love that Kaleb wants to know more about me.

9. I love that Kaleb is alive and well despite a few major illnesses.

10. I love that God honored me by allowing me to be Kaleb's Mom.

The Grand Entrance

2009-09-05T23:19:00.006-05:00

Excited to be admitted--Baby Girl is coming!

Baby Girl has arrived!

She weighed as much as Micah.

WARNING: This may be too much information for some. However, I need to express how awesome God is and how He presented Himself through Mary-Elizabeth's birth.

First of all, I want to say that at the end of this pregnancy I was done. Maybe it was the high heat in a non-air conditioned home or maybe it was the pregnancy in itself. None the less, I was ready to for Mary-Elizabeth to make her grand entrance.

The Tuesday before Baby Girl was born I began to have contractions for several hours approx. 3 min. apart. They were not painful. Then they stopped. The next day, I began to have contractions again and they stopped. On Thursday, I began to have contractions before my ob appt. Mark made me pack my bags and get prepared to have our sweet Baby Girl. That appt. was disappointing. I was only dilated to a small 2 but was showing signs of 'maybe labor wouldn't be far.' The Doctor told me to go home and rest up. We went to the mall. I had several painful ones and then they just stopped...UGH! Everyday, I would have contractions and then they would stop.

So, on Sunday, July 19th, I started having contractions around 4:45 pm. I also began to show physical signs of labor. Mark and I didn't wait for the contractions to get harder and then stop. We just left for the hospital in hopes of having Baby Girl.

Upon arrival, I was checked--dilated to a 5! Yeah, I was a keeper. Then I found out I was Group B strep positive. Not a big deal-antibiotics would be used for preventive care. I needed to wait to have her 5 hours after my meds began in order to keep her off of any iv preventive meds. Several pokes later, meds began and contractions were getting harder. They were afraid to check me because they wanted me to get as close as possible to the 5 hour mark.

All that said, things got crazy. I began to get stronger contractions and more pain. I also began to get nauseous. I was fairly sick and requested something small to keep from getting sicker. I also requested my epidural. With phenergan and the epidural in place I began to get some rest.

Not to long afterwards, I began to feel weird. I was checked-dilated to a 8! Yippee, except that it was only 10:45 and I had to wait until 1:00 AM to keep Baby Girl safe. Mark and I prayed fervently that God would keep Baby Girl safe.

More drama began when my blood pressure dropped. I received some meds to help it go back up. After some adrenaline for the blood pressure, Baby Girl moved out of her position and I dilated backwards-now I am a 7. At this point, Mark and I were thinking that it was God's provision in keeping Mary-Elizabeth well.

During most of the event, I was very sleepy-probably a good thing. As my blood pressure continued to decrease and drop, Mary-Elizabeth's heart rate went crazy. She was jumping all over the place and reaching beats of 200+. My water was slow in breaking because her head was disengaged. So, the monitor was put on her head and a small leak was started.

The next few hours are a bit fuzzy. I know that Mary-Elizabeth finally calmed down after a few hours of craziness. I also remember getting more meds for the blood pressure drop. Unfortunately, I did get sick to my stomach again. I requested no meds and hoped that the act of being sick would put Mary-Elizabeth back into position. I don't think it worked very well.

Our poor nurse was in our room for the majority of the night and morning. The next thing I remember is drops in Mary-Elizabeth's heart rate with my contractions. This was a sign of distress. It was 7:00 Am and I was dilated to a 9. The doctor went ahead and had me pushing in hopes of getting Baby Girl out safely. At first, I couldn't really feel where to push. Then God blessed us and her head engaged well. At 7:25 AM, Mary-Elizabeth was born after 15 hours of labor. However, the chord was wrapped around her neck twice. The doctor had expected this because of her dips in her heart rate during my contractions which were erratic despite all the pitocin.

After removing the chord, they put my sweet 7 lb 14 oz chubby baby on my chest and I began to cry. She however wasn't breathing well. So, they took her to the baby bed and began to suction and give her oxygen. Everyone told me she was okay, but I didn't believe them because she was not crying. They worked on her for awhile and cleaned her up. Finally, after I ate some breakfast, they gave her to me. Thankfully, she nursed well. Looking at Baby Girl, I was overwhelmed at God's goodness and faithfulness that was exhibited through her pregnancy and labor.

She made her grand entrance on her oldest brother's birthday. Now, twice on this one day I have been given a miracle-one ten years prior. The blessings and provisions are far too numerous to recount. However, I must praise God for protecting my mind and spirit from all of the ups and downs of this labor. I was not extremely scared or nervous through all of the drama. I am also thankful for my fabulous husband. Mark was a trooper and stayed awake. He also kept a mental record of all that was happening. He was well equipped to be my advocator and was willing to go the extra mile for me and his daughter.

I am blessed to have gone through this trial of a crazy pregnancy and labor. Mary-Elizabeth is perfect and I am in love with the family that God has given me.

First time to hold my daughter.

Going Home!